Resolutions

Happy New Years Eve Eve Blogfam!


So are you a repeat offender of the infamous New Years Resolutions?  I have been in the past however I am going into this new year carrying on with the same thing I have started and established in 2010.  There is no need for "new year" resolutions when you can make changes at any time of the year.  We all have areas of improvement but I have never saw the benefit in placing all your flaws in a box and saving them for the last day of the year.  The sooner you begin rectifying, the sooner you will see results.


I have to say that this has been one of the best years in a long time, so there is nothing that I would change going into the next year.  I wouldn't be mad one bit if 2011 was the same as 2010, however I am pretty sure that it won't be because instead of resolutions I have GOALS!!!  I feel that people put too much pressure on themselves and leave the possibility for contradiction and further procrastination when they make resolutions.  How about instead of saying "I am going to stop smoking in 2011", more people should just say "A goal of mine is to stop smoking but I know it will take time, thankfully I am so glad that I started in 2010 so maybe sometime in 2011 I can be smoke free."  However, some people don't have the ability to make realistic resolutions, so they just think of all the things they think they should change and try their best to do so but normally forget all about it within the first month of the year.  Also, keep in mind that there are really too many letters in the word in the first place because if you omit some of those unnecessary letters, you will be left with RESULTS and at the end of the day that's all that matters!


Going into this new year I just want everyone to be safe, be sound, and be SECURE with who you are and your position in life.


Quote of the Day: "Love yourself and love your life so there won't be a need for resolutions, only results." ~ Candice Loper

It's a Personal Thing

Good Morning Blogfam!


I know it's been a while and I just want you guys to know I haven't been intentionally neglecting you.  Life happens all the time and there will always be times that require adequate prioritization.


There are many people who don't realize the effects that their mental stability (or instability) have on others.  The way they treat others is normally based on their convenience, patience level, and ability to be respectful.  I believe people who behave this way are the ones who don't have the ability or desire to look deep within themselves, realize their issues, and try their best to correct them.  Consequently, what ultimately ends up happening is they find themselves constantly causing others pain without even realizing the severity of their actions.  This is basically just another form of selfishness on so many levels; they are being selfish to themselves by not taking the time to get in touch with their issues and they are being selfish to others by causing them to feel the effects of their instability.


When you get to a point where you know exactly who you are and have the ability to embrace it, it becomes second nature to treat others as you would like to be treated.  I don't think anyone will ever be free of issues because our attributes, as well as our flaws, make up a huge part of who we are.  Therefore, if you find yourself being faced with someone who constantly hurts others to make themselves feel better, then you know that they are having a major internal conflict.  I have realized that there is no one who can help a person relieve themselves of their own personal misery because it's something that they have to do on their own.  The best therapy for people like this is to give them space to figure out who they are.  I have found that when you stick around too long thinking you are being supportive; eventually you end up being the person requiring therapy. 


Quote of the Day: "Don't drive yourself crazy just because someone else already ran out of gas on their long trip."~ Candice Loper

Respect Rules!

Good Morning Blogfam!


I am having a difficult time understanding why people have such a hard time showing support and respect to others.  Respect is a reciprocal action so you have to give it in order to receive it.  It seems like people really underestimate the power of respect so that prevents them from understanding the significance in showing it.  Respect means esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.  Therefore, even in the case of self the fact still remains that respect is a reciprocal action that has to be given to be received. If you want others to recognize your personal qualities or abilities, you must have to ability recognize theirs because you'll only get back what you put out.


So many things in life call for showing a certain level of respect and regard.  When you're constantly late for appointments, you aren't showing respect for the next persons time.  When you find yourself judging others for being different from you, you aren't showing respect for that persons individuality.  The list goes on an on but if there were more people in the world who showed regard for others, this world would definitely be a better place.  Instead of there always being a battle of personalities and differences of livelihoods, there would be a phenomenon of peace and love.  Some things are easier said then done, but I don't see how giving respect can be a hard thing to do.


My motivation behind this blog entry is because I am so sick and tired of seeing people tear each other down with the hopes of bringing themselves up.  I don't see how putting someone else down can make anyone feel good about anything.  On a personal level, I am pleased about where i'm at in life because I too have been there before where I only found myself solely focusing on the negative aspects of someone else.  However, once I got to the root of my own issues I realized that I wasn't even happy with myself so how could I possibly have the ability to show respect and be happy for the next person.  So as you can see, disrespect and negativity comes from a place of deeply embedded misery. 


Quote of the Day: "We all have areas of improvement just as we all have areas where we excel.  Focusing on the negative aspects of another person will never increase your personal qualities." ~ Candice Loper 

Relationships Can Produce Happiness...If You Want It

Hey Hey Blogfam!!


I was having a conversation last night about why people stay in relationships with people that they know aren't the ones for them.  I had to ponder on that for a second before responding because I have been in that position myself too many times.  I came to the conclusion that we stay in relationships with unlikely people for a variety of reasons, that may not hold the most validity.


Firstly, I believe that conditional relationships tend to possess longevity because it's human nature to get used to certain things and not be able to let go of them.  I am sure we have all had moments of being with someone for a specific reason that may be advantageous to us.  However, what ends up happening is you get the opportunity to take advantage of your benefits but in the process you are not completely fulfilled.  Then before you know it, you have wasted potentially valuable time when you knew initially that you didn't see a fulfilling future with that person.


Secondly, I believe that single people of  certain demographic get impatient being alone so they settle for the first person that comes their way that even seems remotely interested in them.  I notice this most often in women who are 35 and up.  That tends to be the age when women perceive being alone as being lonely.  There is a major difference between the two.  When you are alone it just means that you are by yourself and that doesn't always have to be a bad thing.  However, when you perceive yourself as being lonely you feel like your aloneness is a form of emptiness, which is the reason for filling the void with just about anything.  Personally, I use my alone time as a time of reflection and self-actualization.  Being alone is not such a bad thing, especially when you end up being with anyone just for the sake of being with someone and you still end up feeling a major sense of emptiness.


Lastly, I believe that people initially compromise the things they KNOW they want for things they THINK they can settle for.  This is a major mistake that leads to the end of many relationships.  There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want within reason and going after it.  However, if you're willing to compromise your potential for complete happiness just for the sake of being with someone, that is when you end up stuck in a situation that is not pleasing to you.  I've said before that the most important person that you have to be honest with is YOU.  No one else is responsible for telling you what it would take for you to be happy but you are responsible for knowing what you desire that will ultimately equate to happiness.


Quote of the Day: "The first sight of trouble normally happens at first sight.  So don't ignore your intuitions unless you're willing to ignore your happiness." ~ Candice Loper

Be Aware of YOU!

Good Afternoon Blogfam!


The joy of being an individual is that you have the ability to live your life the way you want to.  There are many times when people feel obligated to live their life a certain way due to pressure from others.  However, one thing I have realized is that people normally try to direct others paths when they feel like they aren't wise enough to do it on their own.  I believe that when a person lets their strength and wisdom shine through, others observe that and feel confident that they have the ability to make decisions for themselves.  Therefore, if others are constantly advising you of how to live your life maybe it's time to realize some things about yourself.  Perhaps you really do know who you are but you just aren't the best at making others feel your passion.


It's important to be secure in who you are so you can be confident with the decisions that you make.   I have always come off as a strong woman even at times when I didn't feel like I was strong.  However, others have always felt my strength because I am and always have been SECURE with who I am.  That is not to say that I have always known what I want to do, but I have always known who I am beneath the surface.  For example, I aspire to be a motivational speaker because I know I have the ability to make a difference in the lives of others that may have went through some of the things I have went through.  Therefore, that is the reason why there is no one that has the power to persuade me to change my mind about what I want to do or who I want to be.  For those of you who aren't quite sure who you want to be or what your passions are, I would encourage you to figure it out on your own.  Don't let anyone else decide who you should be because then you ultimately end up being a figment of someone else's imagination.  The only reason one would want to walk in someone elses' shadow is if they are walking down the path you already know you want to walk down.  However, it is extremely important to have the ability to realize the path of the person advising because quite possibly, they may be trying to live out their failed dreams through you.


Quote of the Day: "It's not up to anyone else to determine your destiny.  Maintain control of yourself and your life." ~ Candice Loper

It's Okay to Put Yourself Second

Good Morning Blogfam!


I know it's been a while since I have shared my thoughts with you but sometimes I have to take time to collect them.  Today I want to talk about selfishness and the people who display that type of behavior.  There are times when we will have selfish ways and possibly not even realize it.  I bet you're asking how can someone be selfish and not know it?  Well it is possible and I will tell you how.


Being selfish means that you are only concerned with yourself and advantage to the exclusion of others.  There is a thin line between selfishness and putting oneself first.  We are all supposed to keep our best interest in mind, however if your best interest means hurting someone else then you're being inconsiderate and selfish.  I have struggled with this myself because it's human nature to want what you want and do what you have to do to get it.  When it comes to relationships, I have experienced a considerable amount of inconsideration for my feelings and I too have also inflicted it upon others.  Some people want to deal with others on a conditional basis but are not cognizant of the other persons interest level.  Therefore, what ultimately ends up happening is you have one person who is extremely interested unconditionally and one person who is only interested in certain facets of the person.  It''s understandable that most people are looking for the "total package" but taking different pieces of several people and trying to make it one is not the answer.  The potential to hurt too many people is there and that is what makes a person selfish.


To prevent inflicting selfishness unto others it takes a certain amount of self-sacrifice because in order to make someone else happy, sometimes you have to put yourself second.  That is if you care about a person enough, however those that don't truly care about the next person wouldn't be willing to do this.  It could be a pride or ego thing that keeps people from putting the next person first, but those are the two things that tend to stand in the way of pure happiness.  Why?  Because when you don't have the ability to put your pride to the side, your main concern is not feeling like a fool.


Quote of the Day: "Don't let others be emotionally punished for your inconsiderate choices." ~ Candice Loper 

Peace is POWER!

Good Afternoon Blogfam!


It is such an amazing feeling when you get to a place of peace and maturity.  It makes you feel like you can carry the weight of the world on your shoulders while running a marathon.  We have all had moments of unhappiness but there comes a time when you have to overcome that and move forward.  Misery has the potential to serve as a roadblock on your way to peacefulness.  Typically when people are miserable they don't have to ability to seek and find peace because they are so unhappy with themselves that they don't even know how to find anything about their life that is pleasing to them. 


I have a very hard time talking to and understanding people who have nothing to do in life but complain.  Life is not supposed to be perfect but it is supposed to be peaceful.  I think that some people feel that peace is derived from having everything in life figured out.  However, peace comes from knowing that you're working towards figuring things out.  Peace is all about knowing that you are at or on your way to a better place.  I realized that I had reached a certain level of peace when I was able to forgive myself and others for things I had experienced in the past.  Unfortunately, everyone does not have the ability to do that.  As weird as it sounds, some people embrace misery because they have never experienced happiness.  When being unhappy with life is all someone has ever known there is really no way for them to know or realize that there is another side that is so pure that it will make their head spin!  I have known people like this, and lets just say it was not the most enjoyable experience dealing with them.  I want to enjoy a relationship with someone, I don't want to feel like I am tolerating them so when I feel like that's what i'm doing, I get as far away as possible.


The only thing I will tell people who are currently experiencing unhappiness is try not to transfer your negative energy onto others who are trying to retain peace in their lives.  When people are unhappy it tends to give them ammunition to be nasty to others because they find joy in knowing that someone else is feeling just as worse as they are.  


Quote of the Day: "Peace is pure and powerful. It gives you a sense of serenity that you may have never experienced before." ~ Candice Loper

Thoughts Don't Have To Be Secrets!

Good Morning Blogfam!


There are times when people keep their expectations and feelings towards certain situations bottled up in a jar of hope.  They want so badly for someone to be who they want them to be to them but they are the only person who is aware of it.  When this takes place what ultimately ends up happening is some people let their emotions and disappointment get the best of them, then they begin to give off signs of resentment. 


Personally, I am a friend who enjoys being a friend first before all else because I believe that friendship is the foundation for the long lasting structure.  I would like to believe that it's easier to focus on being friends when there are no expectations for anything deeper.  Consequently, the worst thing that a person can do to harm a friendship is to keep their feelings to themselves.  I say this because people who care about one another will be honest about their thoughts, feelings, and expectations so the other person isn't being placed in a position to fail.  When someone always tries to make me figure things out for myself or expect me to just read their mind, I get extremely frustrated because sometimes people need to be told so they can see and understand your perspective.  Unfortunately, I have dealt with this too many times before, especially in the case of relationships.  There always seems to be some kind of conflict and misunderstanding when people feel disappointed that someone is not living up to their expectations, however their feelings are self-inflicted because they haven't shared their expectations with the other person.  I believe that stubborn people tend to be repeat offenders of this.  They are so set in their ways that they have the mind frame that if they tell you what they're feeling then you're getting a free pass into their thoughts.  I share my thoughts almost every day to the world so I can't seem to understand why people feel like they have to refrain sharing their thoughts with people they have a personal relationship with. 


The point of all this is to let you know that it's okay to share your thoughts.  Maybe you have been hurt or disappointed before after letting someone know what your expectations were, but at least you had the courage to be forthcoming with your feelings.  This is not to say that you have to reveal everything that is on your mind, but if it is something that could potentially make or break the status of your friendship or relationship then it's best and fair to everyone to get it out.


Quote of the Day: "Your thoughts are only yours if you're the only person who will benefit or be affected by them." ~ Candice Loper

They'll get it...if they want to

Good Morning Blogfam!


Well the holiday is over and my focus is BACK! 


When your friends or family are going through tough times in relationships, depending on the severity of the issues it can get quite frustrating.  I am sure we have all been there at some time or another when we wanted our loved ones to just see their situation through our eyes.  Unfortunately it rarely ever works out like that because everyone realizes things in their own time.


I had a conversation with a friend about a previous relationship of mines and their question to me was: "Why did you stay in it if it was that bad?"  Well there were many reasons why I stayed in that particular dysfunctional relationship.  I wouldn't necessarily label those reasons as valid today but they were definitely relevant at the time it was taking place.  The one thing that I believe it is important for people to understand is when people are in bad situations they don't have the ability to see things clearly.  In my case, I completely lost all faith in who I knew myself to be.  Had I remained the same Candice that I knew prior to then, I may have had the ability to overcome the pain and agony before it became severe.  That's not to say that the Candice I was then is the same Candice that I am now, but no matter how you look at it, many facets of you will always be a part of your being.  When your self worth turns into self doubt, eventually you begin living your life based on what you think you need to do or who you need to be based on how someone else may perceive you. 


As a caring person you have to have a certain level of patience and understanding in order to be there for someone who may need all the support they can get.  I believe people get that fine line between support and advice confused which is what causes frustration.  For some people, when a friend comes to them to talk about a problem, instead of just being there they feel as though they have to provide advice.  Sometimes the best advice is no advice because then you aren't putting yourself in a position where you have expectations of someone else's realization or reactions.  It's actually quite funny to me now because when I was going through tough times previously I would have many conversations with friends for purposes of support, and at times advice.  However, when I finally decided to realize that I had enough I didn't converse with anyone about it.  I made my mind up and kept it moving.  I shared that bit of information as a testament to the fact that everyone will do things in their own time, so just be patient and supportive at all times.  They'll get it....if they want to.


Quote of the Day: "The joy of time is we all get to live each moment however we choose to.  Don't expect someone to live life on your type of time." ~ Candice Loper

Effective Communication Takes Open Minds!

Good Morning Blogfam!


It's very rare for me to be speechless, especially in conversations that deal with love and relationships.  However, I listened in on a conversation of a few 30+ individuals regarding why relationships fail.  Majority of the women held a position that communication, or lack thereof is what tends to make relationships fail.  As shocking as it may seem, the men didn't really have one particular reason but that's okay.  There was a time before when I felt as though I was extremely bitter due to the things I had experienced in my previous relationships but after listening to this conversation, I realized that I wasn't bitter at all; I was aware.


I watched an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta where NeNe was upset with her husband Greg because of their failing marriage.  She accused him of being a bad communicator which is what led to their problems.  As a result of her accusations, Greg made a statement that "communication ain't talking".  After listening to the conversation on Saturday night, I had come to the same conclusion as Greg.  Some people use lack of communication as the reason why their relationships fail but communication isn't just talking.  When you're in a relationship it's important to learn your significant other inside and out.  It's actually funny that I used that particular choice of words; inside and out.  If your significant other is an introvert than you can be sure that you won't get too many verbal responses out of this person, but that doesn't mean that they aren't telling you anything.  You have to be open enough to pay attention to the signs.  For example, if your man/woman had a bad day at the office, they come home with a slight attitude, and just don't want to talk that shouldn't be a cause for an argument.  Quite possibly the situation can be rectified by running him/her some bath water, pouring a glass of wine, and just being there for that moment when they finally decide to talk about it.  Arguments normally stem from people not getting a certain reaction or response when they want it, which can be prevented.


The biggest problem I see with communication is that people want what they want in the way that they want it.  Maybe you are a talker and like to express yourself through words while your significant other chooses to express themselves through actions.  Are you going to be get upset and allow your relationship to fail because of your own personal stubbornness?  Believe it or not, that is a form of stubbornness; when you are expecting someone to communicate with you on your terms and get upset when they don't.  If more people realized that talking is doesn't always answer your questions it would probably save more relationships.  There have been times where I have had hour long conversations and by the end of it still had come to no resolution.  This basically means we both wasted an hour of our lives talking for absolutely no reason.  None of this is to say that you should try and figure things out, my only point is don't always look for your answers in the words because you may be able to learn a whole lot more just by recognizing certain behaviors.


Quote of the Day: "Words are only as relevant as the person they're coming from." ~ Candice Loper

Live a Little...or a lot!

Happy Friday Blogfam!


Do you ever feel like you life is just one big schedule?  It seems as though majority of your time is spent attending meetings, appointments, work, conferences, or events.  When you're constantly busy it takes away from the spontaneity that life has to offer.  I believe that people get trapped in the natural routine of things that they don't find time to just either do nothing or to do something they wouldn't normally do.  I understand that structure is necessary in order to maintain a certain level of order in your life, however spontaneity doesn't automatically constitute disorganization or lack of prioritization.


Over time I have realized that when you prioritize, things will fall into place.  However, when you spend majority of your time trying to plan or schedule every single minute of your life, before you know it so much time will have passed and you may be asking yourself "where did the time go?"  I have always been a very spontaneous person because I like to experience and enjoy the unexpected.  There is nothing like doing something you've never did in the spur of the moment.  It's gives me a thrill and a natural high that I don't normally feel.  Not to mention, the funnest people to be with are the ones who enjoy life and all that it brings.  In addition to other factors, I think a lack of spontaneity is what ruins a lot of relationships.  People get caught up in routines and they forget that the element of surprise has the ability to provide that "turn on factor" that's necessary to keep the relationship spicy.  As with most things in life, it's important to have a balance or else you will end up wasting away doing the things you don't particularly enjoy doing.  This goes hand in hand with risk and reward; being spontaneous can involve taking risks so you have to recognize the potential rewards from your actions.  Personally, my reward tends to be pleasure and fulfillment in doing what makes me happy.


Quote of the Day: "If your structure is strong enough, a slight breeze of spontaneity won't be able to tear it down.  Have fun and enjoy life!" ~ Candice Loper

Reflect Don't Dwell

Good Morning Blogfam!


Have you ever taken the time out to reflect on your life?  Well I am here to tell you that is is extremely important to do so in order to realize your strengths and weaknesses.  When you look in the mirror what do you see?  You see a reflection of yourself in that mirror; sometimes your hair can't get right, you may have a pimple, or you just look damn good!  Therefore, when you take the time out to reflect on your past, you then have the ability to recognize areas of improvement or areas where you are satisfied.  However, self-reflection is not to be confused with dwelling on the past because there is a major difference.  Those who dwell on the past are typically people who have endured painful experiences which they struggle to move forward from.  Those who reflect are people who focus on the positive and negative aspects of their past.


On a personal note I have endured many tough experiences in my past that I never thought I would be able to get past.  Specifically in the case of relationships because I always had a difficult time understanding why things didn't work out.  So instead of reflecting on the entire situation to determine my values and flaws, I dwelled on it and only ended up beating myself up because all I could focus on were the flaws.  Eventually I realized that looking at the past negatively was placing a barrier on my mental progression.  There came a time when my thoughts on the past were taking over me mentally which hindered my entire thinking process.  I felt like I was stranded on deserted island and my past was the water surrounding me.  Eventually there came a time when I had to swim to reach land (which symbolized my present).  Once I was able to get through the past to reach my present, the only time I was faced with revisiting my past was when I was flying over it to get to my destination.  


Quote of the Day: "Don't let your present suffer for the things your past did." ~ Candice Loper 

No Goals = No Life

Good Morning Blogfam!

Goals are a very important part of life for each and every one of us.  Goals gives you something concrete to strive for, as well as providing you with a purpose.  There are too many people in the world that are just here.  When you have a limited sense of motivation you are pretty much proving that you are content with the life you are living.  Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that because that could just be the path that you are on in life.  Maybe your path consists of waiting for everything to fall in your lap or waiting for your purpose to be revealed to you one day.  Who am I to judge?? However, I would think that a path of waiting couldn't possibly be as fulfilling as going out to get it.

There have been times when I didn't know if I was coming or going and pretty much just living a day-to-day life.  However, once I realized what my passion was I began goal-setting to fulfill my purpose.  The most successful people aren't the ones who had their careers and riches handed to them, they are the ones who planned and worked really hard to reach their goals.  When I didn't have anything I was striving for I felt so lost and confused.  Not to mention, I was easily swayed by others on what they thought my passion should be.  Eventually I began to realize my purpose and that's when I wasn't easily swayed anymore.  There is a contrast to that also because there will be times when you have figured out what you want to do and where you want to go, but then you have those people who are trying to persuade you to take another route.  Sometimes this stems from people who may have tried to pursue your goals but was unsuccessful or people who think they know you better than you know yourself.

Setting goals doesn't just pertain to adults either, especially when you have children.  Children don't have the ability to plan their future when they're young.  Therefore, as their parents we have to have goals for ourselves as well as having initial goals for our children. 

Quote of the Day: "Your opportunities are only as limited as your aspirations." ~ Candice Loper      

United We Stand...Divided We Fall!

Good Afternoon Blogfam!

What do you do when you have no motivation?  You have to seek and find motivation from somewhere.  Today has been a fairly thoughtless day for me, which I am not complaining about whatsoever.  However, I had to dig down deep to find something that moves me to talk to you about today. 

I have problems with division, and no i'm talking about mathematically.  I'm speaking about division amongst people who should be united.  I've seen this happen far too many times in many different cases.  I think it bothers me most in the case of family and women.  Friends and enemies come and go very easily because you're not bound by anything.  However, no matter how you look at it family is forever.  It makes no sense to battle your family members when there are so many exterior battles that could be won if everyone could come together and form an alliance.  While I also realize that individual personalities have a tendency to clash, many times when issues arise it's because of something much deeper than just a personality conflict.  Whether it be friends or family, if you find yourself having a hard time being happy or connecting with people on a personal level it could be due to something that you're lacking. 

Now we all know that women have the hardest time giving another woman credit where it's due.  I'm not sure if it's egotistical, jealousy, selfishness, or just plain old misery but I do feel that more women should extend compliments and kudos when appropriate.  If we lift each other up, then it would be much harder for someone else to break us down.  So I encourage my beautiful women to give a compliment today to someone without caring about how they receive it.  I promise it will make you feel better and deep down it may make her feel better too.

Quote of the Day: "Think of your relationships as weights. Try your best to lift them up and you'll get stronger in the process." ~ Candice Loper

Positive Actions Produce Positive Results

Good Morning Blogfam!

Life won't always consist of what we want so we have to have the ability to recognize the bad, while trying our best to reform it into good.  Some people just don't have the ability to do that, so as a result they end up ACCEPTING it.  What they aren't realizing is that accepting is much different than recognizing.  When you recognize something you are basically identifying and analyzing it for potential change.  Whereas when you accept something you are setting yourself up to deal with it is as is. 

My ability to recognize and reform my bad is due to a number of things.  However, the primary reason is because I see reformation as a positive challenge.  It gives me a feeling of victory to know that I was able to successfully contribute to my happiness by taking something bad and making it good.  This doesn't just apply to things in a physical sense, this is also deals with our perspectives and behavior.  When you look at things from a bad perspective it blocks your ability to see the positive side of the situation.  In my opinion,  when things are bad it doesn't mean that everything is bad, it just means you have to dig a little deeper to recognize the good. 

There have been times before when I have tried to persuade my friends to see what I thought was positive in a situation that they saw as being negative.  However, eventually I realized that you can't persuade anyone to see things a certain way, they just have to be tired of seeing things the way they do.  On a personal note I hate being down, I hate feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I hate being robbed of my optimism.  So my alleviation method is to keep a positive perspective and continue to remind myself that "It's never as bad as it seems".     

Quote of the Day: "So the old saying goes...you have to take the good with the bad. Well you can take it but you aren't required to accept it or settle for it.  So if you happen to receive something bad...think of a plan to transform it into something good." ~ Candice Loper 

I am a YES Woman!

Good Morning Blogfam!

Today I am going to keep it very short! 

When it comes to work I have always been a "Yes Woman" because I am the type of person who does what needs to be done to get the job done.  I would say that I do that in my personal life as well, however we all know that there will be plenty more times that "no" will be necessary.  Operating with the motto; there is no true job description has helped me excel professionally.

I believe there are people get caught up with office politics, egotistical thoughts, and "job descriptions" so they don't push themselves so they can stand out from the rest.  If you do what everyone else does then you'll get what everyone else gets which means you are...well...average.  I have always had the desire to strive for above average results which causes me to perform in an above average way.  Which is why today I just want to express how thankful I am for the new opportunity I have been blessed with professionally.

Quote for the Day: "Give it all you've got and you'll get more than you ever thought you'd get." ~ Candice Loper

Risk, Reward & Consequences

Good Morning Blogfam!

The feeling of fear is what typically holds people back from doing certain things or taking certain steps in life.  Anything that you've never experienced before can be defined as the unknown.  Many people fear the unknown and normally those are people who don't take risks in life.  However, i'm sure we've all heard the saying that without risk there is no reward.  I'm not sure that I am 100% in line with that statement because even without risk there is the potential for reward.  It's just that when you take a risk you are trying to gain more than you would if you played it safe. 

We will encounter many situations and circumstances in our lifetime that may require taking some sort of risk.  However, with each chance you take you have to always consider your benefits as well as your potential consequences.  Think about this from the perspective of a gambler who is always risking their money with the hopes that it will multiply.  In that case, depending on the severity of the gambling you are risking your stability on a hope.  I think it is important for us to recognize the type of risk we're taking.  Is it a safe risk that won't have too much of an affect on your life or is it a risk that could make or break your position in life?  Those are the questions that I ask myself before I do something.  I am not a huge risk taker because I enjoy being comfortable but I do tend to take risks in the case of relationships.  Anytime you decide to give someone your heart or even your time, you are risking being hurt.  At any rate, that is a risk I am more than willing to take because looking forward to the reward of happiness is what motivates me to take a chance.  However, I have realized that when you take risks you can't turn around and complain when it doesn't work out the way you HOPED it would.  You have have to accept your outcome and take responsibility for your actions.

Quote for the Day: "With every chance I take there's a certain level of risk...therefore regret doesn't exist in my world. There is no regret with risk, only the potential for consequences or reward!" ~ Candice Loper

To Keep or Not To Keep...

Good Afternoon Blogfam!

As weird as it sounds I appreciate my hardships because it's setting me up for the good times that lie ahead.  A primary personal goal of mines is to be as peaceful as possible.  However, we all know there will be times when an abundance of issues at one time just has the ability to wear on you.  I have realized that it's not about what problems you have, it's about how you choose to deal with them.  Therefore, I prefer to practice the elimination method; if something is ailing me or causing me stress then I tend to just eliminate it from my life.  I'd like to think that it's the mature thing to do because it prevents me from lashing out in other ways.

We should all know our limits and be able to recognize when we're getting close to them.  Normally the people that don't are the ones that make rash decisions or have the potential to just explode at any given moment.  It takes a certain level of maturity to be able to brush your shoulders off and keep it moving but some people just get a thrill from a battle.  However, that's when it's important to do what you have to do to maintain your peace and maturity, which sometimes requires eliminating certain things from your life.  I think it's natural to focus on the potential benefits but at times it prevents you from seeing the potential detriments that a situation may present.  Therefore, analyze everything so you can recognize the full value, then it will make it easier when it comes to figuring out what's worth staying and what should go. 

Quote of the Day: "Anything of value will increase your worth.  So if something is taking away from it, that means it's worthless, get rid of it." ~ Candice Loper

Perception Shouldn't Be Pressure!

Good Morning Blogfam!

There are many people who go through life being overly concerned about how they are perceived by others.  I stress the word "overly" because while it is important to be aware of how you are viewed by others, it is not to be used as a guide for how you live your life.  In addition to having the ability to recognize the perceptions of others you must also have the ability to analyze your audience.  I say this because everyone has their own set of eyes which makes them see things their way, whereas the next person may see it differently.

We have to realize that we are our best judge, especially when you have the ability to be honest with yourself.  If you aren't able to assess the ramifications of your own behavior then there is no way to adequately determine that how someone else assesses it is right or wrong.  When you are comfortable and confident with who you are, outside perceptions won't have too much of an affect on you personally.  I believe that perception and conscience go hand-in-hand, because when you possess the gift of conscience you are able to live life positively which mitigates the risk of others having a negative perception of you.

Being secure with yourself and recognizing your self-worth is what eliminates the pressure that society puts on you to live the way they think you should.  The main point of this entire blog entry is that with the difference of opinions, perspectives, and perceptions it is important to be aware of and do what is pleasing to you.  Once you acquire a strong relationship with self you will be much more prone to doing what you feel is right because you wouldn't want to let yourself down.  Once you ruin that relationship with yourself by losing trust in your ability to do what is pleasing to you, you will then live based on the outside perception of others because you won't have yourself to lean on anymore.

Quote of the Day: "While it is extremely important to be AWARE of how you are perceived by others, it is more important to be SECURE in how you perceive yourself." ~ Candice Loper

Conscience is a Valuable Gift

Good Morning Blogfam!

Attributes are endless when it comes to the make up of someones character.  I believe that everyone should be aware of their attributes, as well as their flaws or imperfections.  Attributes are qualities that you possess and it's important that you know exactly what they are because it helps when realizing what you're worth and what you can bring to the table.  In contrast, it is also just as important to be aware of your flaws because it gives you the ability to determine your areas of improvement.
 
Personally, my most valuable attribute is my conscience.  If you didn't think that having a conscience was an attribute I am here to tell you that it is.  Not only is it an attribute it is a GIFT!  Conscience allows you to make decisions based on what you know is right, and it also gives you the ability to foresee any potential consequences you may encounter based on those decisions.  The first time I realized that I had a conscience was when I wasn't even aware of what a conscience was.  When I was a teenager I entered into my first serious relationship and of course there were a lot of things that I didn't know.  However, one thing that I learned fairly quickly was that when you do something wrong, it can torment you mentally.  At that time, I wasn't aware that what I was experiencing was a guilty conscience.  Even when I tried to block the thought from my mind, if I saw my boyfriend I would instantly feel a major sense of guilt that I had never experienced before.  Finally, one day my conscience got the best of me and I just came out and told him about my infidelities.  Although it was hurtful and I was ashamed, I felt a major sense of relief that I had never experienced before.

I took that experience and used it as motivation to try my best to do the right things in life.   I didn't appreciate that feeling of deceit and guilt that I had inflicted upon myself.  So I realized that if I focus on doing the right thing than those feelings will be non-existent.  Conscience typically doesn't present itself unless it involves some sort of wrong doing.  Presently, my conscience is free and it feels amazing to know that the feeling of guilt and conviction doesn't exist in my world. 

Quote of the Day: "Guilty conscience is a personal conviction.  Therefore, since you serve as your own judge strive for innocence because it will allow you to be free." ~ Candice Loper

The Battle is Yours!!!

Good Morning Blogfam!

It's important to choose your "battles" wisely as it will prevent unnecessary stress and turmoil.  I always question the motive of people who have a tendency to blow each and every situation that they encounter out of proportion.  Clearly, there is an agenda that they are trying to live out because typically people that are existing with a certain degree of pain tend to feel that they are always the victim.  Whereas, it takes a strong person to be able to look past certain situations and realize what's worth the "fight" and what's not.  However, once you cross over that threshold into weakness, it directly affects your ability to make clear decisions.  Being as though this type of weakness is normally driven by emotions it makes it more difficult to utilize common sense when addressing situations.

I have a tendency to be very direct and strong in my opinions so I have been that person who always had to make my point.  However, in establishing a closer relationship with myself I acquired the ability to realize when my thoughts are warranted and when they're not.  Some people find it difficult to just keep quiet and let a person have their way because they feel like every difference of opinion is a personal challenge against them.  However, you have to realize that it's only important to voice your opinion when it will serve as a benefit to the situation, or if you can provide enlightenment to someone else.  Otherwise, you're just wasting unnecessary time and energy.

In addition to having the ability to determine which "battle" is worth the "fight", it's also important to realize who your battle is with.  If someone does you wrong, if you even want to waste your energy on that person, you have to understand that the "battle" is with them and no one else.  For example, if a man is unfaithful to a woman than her issue is with him and no one else.  However, you have those people who get so upset that they take it out on anyone who is in direct contact with that person.  It's not his friends fault that he cheated, even if they are cheaters too because he is his own person and his behavior is not anyone else's responsibility. 

Quote of the Day: "A battle is not always won by taking the other person out, sometimes surrendering constitutes winning because you had the ability to take the high road.  You may not be a winner in everyone's eyes but being a winner in your own eyes is what's important!" ~ Candice Loper

Love is not stupid...it's just love!

Good Morning Blogfam!!

Is there a thin line between love and stupidity?  Someone who has never been in love before would probably say yes to this question.  However, someone who has experienced true love would probably say "Who cares?"  Love is a very sensitive, controversial topic because there are no right answers on how to love someone.  The actions of love that may be displayed by one may be considered stupidity to another.  The point is no one has a right to judge another person's depiction of love, how they show it, and who they show it to. 

I had a very broad perception of love since I had never experienced true, unconditional, genuine love.  However, in talking to my friend yesterday I was able to realize that when you truly love someone there is nothing that can diminish that feeling.  When it comes to the case of love, on a personal level instead of having the ability or desire to just love someone unequivocally I was always concerned about being a fool and not knowing when to draw the line or just not care.  Normally the feeling of stupidity is driven by how you think others perceive you, not necessarily about how you're feeling about yourself.  Therefore, now it is clear to me that when you are in love it has the power to supercede all outside opinions or perceptions. 

Although I truly believe that love is an amazing feeling I am not so sure that it should lead the way when making decisions.  We can't let another person's actions determine whether we love them or not because if we did the love would never be constant.  However, I do believe that love is a reciprocal feeling that should be given and received.  When you genuinely love someone they should receive it, respect it. and appreciate it.  If they are not able to do that then quite possibly they don't deserve or just aren't ready to receive the type of love that you have to give.  This is where I believe the thin line comes in between love and stupidity (for lack of a better word).  When do you draw the line and move on instead of waiting for someone to love you how you want them to love you?  Love tends to blind us from deciphering what is real vs. how we feel.  When you know or believe that you truly love someone and you let love lead the way, you are more than willing to put up with certain behavior that someone who leads with their mind probably wouldn't put up with.  However, the positive side of things is that no one has to live our lives but us so to have a peaceful existence its best to do what you feel is right for you.  Everyone may not have the ability to see love from your perspective; therefore at the end of the day opinions of others should have absolutely no affect on how, when, or who you love.

Quote of the Day: "Loving hard doesn't make you stupid, being concerned about if others think you're stupid makes you stupid." ~ Candice Loper      

Inquiries Don't Constitute Commitment

Good Morning Blogfam!

Creating and building new relationships with quality people can be exciting, and at the same time providing a sense of nervousness.  We've all heard the term that it's important to just "go with the flow" but that doesn't always come easily.  Going with the flow requires a certain level of patience and optimism, especially if you're not completely certain as to what a person's motive or intentions may be.  I always hear different opinions regarding how soon may be too soon to have conversations about what a persons short or long term relationship goals are.  Personally, I don't think there is a specific time frame to have those conversations as it will be relevant at some time or another.  I feel that after meeting someone, the sooner that you get those questions about intentions out the way, the sooner you will know what the initial flow of the relationship will be and where it will lead.

It seems that people avoid the serious conversations in the beginning of a relationship out of fear of scaring a person off.  However, I believe that if a simple conversation with no immediate expectations deters someone from progressing further, than it should be a sign that either they don't know what they want yet or just looking forward to having a good time.  There is nothing at all wrong with that but at least when you ask the questions up front, you are given a fair opportunity to make a clear decision that works for you.  In many of my past relationships I mislead myself into thinking that because a person exhibits a particular behavior that they had the same intentions as I did.  However, I began to realize that a person has no way of knowing what my relationship goals are if I don't tell them.  So basically I went through my past relationships with undisclosed intentions which caused me to go with his flow, and not our flow.  Relationships are about compromise, communication, and comfort ability so it's important to make sure that everyone is on the same page.  When you take the time out to reflect on your past mistakes it allows you to recognize your areas of improvement.  However, it's also important to not be so focused on correcting your past mistakes that you take the excitement out of the situation.  As long as you trust your ability to recognize when someone is genuine and sincere, you won't carry that fear of your feelings being taken advantage of.  

Quote of the Day: "Don't be so focused on the final destination that you forget to enjoy the trip." ~ Candice Loper   

Success is not character....

Good Morning Blogfam!

I was listening to the radio this morning and was slightly aggravated by the topic of discussion.  The topic was "Why is it hard for a black woman to find a successful black man?"  Honestly, I am not so sure why people pose questions such as this because I don't think it is fair to categorize people.  I will never understand why all of the burden is placed on the black woman to "find" a black man, oops i'm sorry I meant a successful black man.  Being single with a particular status shouldn't be based on gender, as we all deal with the same issues. 

There is no specific set of reasons why there are an abundance of single black women.  I believe that over the years ALL people have compromised their standards at some time or another.  I am almost sure that women and men alike have not always had a single status, it just may be the case in the present day.  However, as you grow and get closer to yourself you begin to realize what you want and what type of person will compliment you and not complete you.  That type of partner does not always come easily so its about patience not desperation and its about realistic standards not superficiality.  It doesn't have to seem like such an epidemic for a person to be single because there is nothing wrong with it.  Being in a relationship does not determine a persons worth or quality of existence, it just means that they have possibly connected with someone who adds value to their life, whereas a single person hasn't quite achieved that yet.

I have noticed that people put "successful" people into these buckets as if they are in a class of their own which is true to a certain extent.  Success is a lovely attribute because it means that you have the will and desire to achieve more in life, however success does not define a person.  There are many successful people who have made it professionally, but have a hard time communicating on a personal level and that right there is a character flaw that no amount of money or notoriety could ever rectify.  I will not believe the hype or jump on the bandwagon because I believe that possessing positive character and personality traits, in addition to your professional status are just important, if not more.

Quote of the Day: "Good people attract and communicate best with good people, not successful people." ~ Candice Loper

Prioritize your dealings...

Good Morning Blogfam!

I believe that it is especially important to randomly evaluate your relationships.  The relationships that we have with others can have an affect on the flow of our daily lives, sometimes good and sometimes bad.  If you know there is someone who is contributing or involved in unnecessary drama, then after a clear evaluation of your relationship you may come to realize that it may not be in your best interest to associate yourself with that person.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with discontinuing unhealthy relationships because at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you.  I believe that we hang on to people for several reasons; giving people the benefit of the doubt, the level of comfort that we have with them, because we are creatures of habit, and sometimes it's due to motive. 

On a personal level, I have learned that when someone is beneficial for you there won't be any reasons why you have a relationship with them except "they're good for me" or "we're good for each other".  There aren't normally many benefits to doubts because a doubt is something that you know 95% of the time is true but that other 5% gives you something to look forward to.  Well if 95% of the time you have received a 5% benefit then it's time to give it up.  Where there is one person who is causing issues, there are 50 other people who won't.  I have had relationships where I was comfortable being around them but not comfortable with the flow of the relationship which constantly gave me a feeling of doubt and caused me to try and figure out what the potential motive was.  Have you ever heard the term "quality over quantity"?  Well that is how I operate and it works out perfectly for me.  I would prefer to have one friend who provides a sense of fulfillment in a relationship, than to have 10 questionable people that appear to be friends who add small pieces to make up the puzzle of a relationship.  However, upon clear reflection and evaluation those 10 questionable people do have the ability to be associates; which means you have the choice to associate with those people for whatever pieces they add to your standards of a relationship. 

You see it's all very simple, you befriend those who complete you and assist you in leading a peaceful existence and you associate with those who add partial standardized value.

Quote of the Day: "Perfection in your relationships should not be the ultimate goal.  You should primarily strive for happiness and peace!" ~ Candice Loper

Don't be too INDEPENDENT!

Good Morning Blogfam!

Being strong and independent are fabulous attributes that everyone should possess.  There is nothing more fulfilling than having the will, desire, and can-do attitude to get things done on your own.  Although there will be times when support will be necessary, that should not be confused with being completely dependent.  I believe there are many people who have reservations about asking for assistance when they need it out of fear of being labeled as dependent or needy.  However, I don’t think that anyone can do everything alone.

I have been on my own for quite some time now and while I know for a fact that I am a strong, independent woman, I also know that there are times when I need to lean on others for support.  It doesn’t make me feel like less of a woman; it just means that I’m human and I have the ability to recognize my blessings.   Whereas dependency happens when a person’s first thought is “Who can help me with this?” instead of “How can I get this done?”  On a personal level, I lean on others for support when I have exhausted all of my options trying to do it on my own and just couldn’t quite get it done.  I am a single mother of three children and for anyone who is in a similar situation, I’m sure you know how hard it can be at times.  If I were to try and convince myself that I could do everything without the support of others then I would find myself struggling which may give me the feeling of independence, while at the same time feeling the pains of stress and weakness.

Independence is not determined by how much you can do on your own, but rather it is determined by how efficient you are at making decisions that will benefit you and your family.  I feel most independent when I can take a difficult situation and make it better by making clear and concise decisions.  It’s not about whether or not I can do it on my own, it’s all about how I am able to handle it.  With that being said, don’t be so independent that you don’t have the ability to recognize, appreciate, and find it advantageous to receive support from others.

Quote of the Day: “Don’t let your independence force you to ignore the fact that support is a necessary blessing.” ~ Candice Loper

Give Everyone a Fair Chance

Good Morning Blogfam!

I believe it is important to always be fair and realistic in all situations.  I am famous for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but that ability doesn’t come easy to everyone.  It takes a mature person to be able to look at each person as an individual, especially when you have heard negative things, or have a relationship with someone who doesn’t particularly care for them.  There aren’t enough people that have the ability to say “Regardless of what this person may have done to him/her, they haven’t done anything to me, so until then I will respect them for who they are.”   This happens when you have someone who is always concerned about proving something to someone, instead of being comfortable with their own decision-making skills.  In addition to maturity, it also requires amazing character traits to be your own person and make your own decisions.

I have been in situations where I was disliked by one person simply because I was disliked by another.  Thinking about it from a realistic perspective, it’s extremely immature and shows a lack of character to take on someone else’s views.  It’s a sign of weakness because you’re showing that you are incapable of making your own decision based on your own perception.  Like I’ve said before, there is no need to borrow the views of someone else when you own yours.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect by far, so I have been that weak, immature, character lacking person who has disliked others because of how someone else felt about them.  However, my primary focus is to be the best person I can be and treat everyone as an individual.  You can’t go through life being concerned about how someone feels about you, because we all know that some people just don’t have the ability to see you for who you truly are.  It can be fairly frustrating when you know you’re a good person, but you have people that try and diminish your character with their misguided perception of who they try to make you out to be.   When you are certain about who you are and what your purpose is, those small-minded people won’t matter at all.

Quote of the Day: “Never let someone else’s opinion taint your depiction of others.  The relationship they had with them may not be the same that you have with them.” ~ Candice Loper

What's Your Motive?

Good Morning Blogfam!

There was no post yesterday because I was speaking to a lovely group of women at the Homefront Family Preservation Center.   It was a very rewarding experience, and it felt good to be received and related to by so many women.  I’m giving them all a shout out!!

Today I will be talking about motives!!  Most times, people do things because of motives.  Some are good but most are bad.  I believe that motive, especially when it involves being selfish, removes any chance of a person’s having the ability to be genuine.   When you do things from the kindness of your heart, it proves that you aren’t looking to gain anything from the situation; your main objective is to make someone else happy.  However, there are people out here who don’t believe that Karma is real, and realize that what you put out you will get back.

It frustrates me when I have to try and figure out if someone is genuine or if they have a motive.  I’ve had relationships in the past where I wasn’t quite so sure what the purpose or basis behind it was, so it caused me to ask the question “Why is this person in my life?”  I had to realize that if I have to ask myself what someone’s purpose is, then it may not be genuine.  With all the true friends that I hold near and dear to me, I have never had to wonder why we had a relationship because everything came so natural.  If each time someone calls you they want something, but never call just to see how you’re doing, you can be certain that their motive is getting what they can get and that’s it!  Everyone shares a common motive, which is being happy.  However, not everyone takes the same path to achieve that.  Some will rob, steal, cheat, and use people to achieve their level of happiness.  Others will take a more reciprocal approach and do a good deed to receive the same in return, which then provides a sense of happiness. 

If you have an issue with being unable to recognize what your motives are and how they are appearing in the public eye, then you may want to figure out how what you’re doing will bring your happiness and whether or not it will bring someone else pain.

Quote of the Day: “When kind and genuine motives are your fuel, you’ll be sure to get more miles.” ~ Candice Loper

Think Highly of Yourself!

Good Morning, Blogfam!

Self-deprecation is a serious issue amongst many people.  It is defined as the act of belittling or undervaluing oneself.  I am sure we have all done it in our lives at some time or another.  Basically, you know what you deserve or what you’re worth, but you are willing to settle for less, only to partially satisfy yourself or someone else.  It’s almost the same as realizing your full potential or your purpose, but limiting your goals because you don’t want to work hard enough to reach the level of success that you know you can achieve.     

What I have discovered to be a common cause of self-deprecation is the constant thought of your prior failures and shortcomings.  I believe that it is severely unhealthy to let your past experiences create self-doubt in the present day.  Granted, you may have endured many tough situations in the past, but it doesn’t mean you have to continue to do so.  When people let their experiences create a personal perception of who they think they are, then they will never be accurate on whom they truly are.  This is what typically leads to low self-esteem and self-pity.  You always feel like a victim of your circumstances and because of that, it prevents you from being truly happy in life.

I have been in relationships before that weren’t necessarily ideal, and at times I allowed it to determine how I felt about myself, which then caused me to beat myself up mentally and emotionally because I was constantly trying to figure out where I was falling short.  However, once I got to a peaceful place, I was able to realize that regardless of what I did wrong, it doesn’t mean that I am subject to limited satisfaction.  A mistake is a learning experience that should lead to growth.  If your mind frame stays the same, how can your thoughts get bigger?  The answer to that is it can’t.  So as long as you continue to put yourself down and accept less than what you know you deserve, your thoughts about yourself will continue to be small.  We set the stage for how we want people to perceive us, and if you give off even the slightest hint that you will accept less than the best, then that’s what you’re going to get.

Quote of the Day:  “Think largely of yourself, and the world around you won’t seem quite so big.” ~ Candice Loper

Realistic Standards lead to Satisfaction

Good Morning, BlogFam!

Each and every one of us has expectations in life.  However, I believe that people confuse having expectations with having standards.  An expectation is an anticipation of what we hope to receive from someone.  Standards are criteria that we use to determine whether or not something or someone is acceptable.  There is nothing worse than someone having an expectation of someone else and it is either unrealistic, or a secret.  You can’t expect something of someone that they don’t know they are supposed to be delivering.  It’s also not fair to expect something of someone that is unrealistic, because then you are intentionally setting them up for failure; which we would call premeditated resentment. 

I used to have these outrageous, superficial standards that no one man could ever live up to even if he re-programmed himself to try and meet them.  Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely still have standards but they have become slightly relaxed over the years.  I felt that if I prioritized my standards, then quite possibly, my standards would satisfy my priorities.  For example, I am a single mother, so it wouldn’t make sense for me to want a man who doesn’t have or want any children.  In my opinion, that’s a superficial standard that has very little potential to satisfy my priorities.  It doesn’t have to be a requirement for me to have a man who does have kids, but I definitely don’t feel that I should solely seek out the latter.  For someone like myself, who has three children, it would be beneficial to consider being with someone who has the experience and/or ability to connect with children.  

Thankfully, I have determined what my standards are, and I feel that they are reasonable.  Therefore, I am practicing patience and optimism because I am at a point in my life where I refuse to settle for less.  I used to compromise what I knew I wanted for what I thought would “work”, but that normally equated to wasted time, unnecessary aggravation, and self-inflicted anguish.  Luckily, those days are coming to an end. 

Quote of the Day: “One of the most valuable lessons you can learn, is that the beautification of the package is not a determination of the quality of the contents.” ~ Candice Loper