Good Morning Blogfam!
So I have been told that I am not like most females, I am inclined to agree and that's not at all a bad thing in my opinion. I am a woman, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a confidant but one thing i'm not is a "baby mama". I put the term "baby mama" in quotes because they are definitely in a class of their own. If you notice baby mamas are always referred to with a negative connotation. Why is this?? Well the episode of The Game last night and things I have witnessed firsthand explain just why this is the case.
In most cases the two parents have had some sort of relationship in the past, hence creating a beautiful life/lives together. It seems to me that the baby mamas have a hard time moving on from the fact that they're not with their childs father anymore, and feel slighted somehow because they beared his child but didn't end up with him. This is the chance that you take when you have children out of wedlock, not that being married completely eliminates that possibility of being a single parent someday. Many baby mamas wouldn't want to admit it but too often they use the children as pawns, but too often so does the father. I am sure many of us know men who have claimed to have to do certain things out of the norm, so they can "see their child" or avoid having to be taken to court to pay child support. That is just a scapegoat to continue on with whatever their motive is for carrying on a relationship, regardless of the specifics, with their baby mama.
Women are more emotional creatures and have a harder time moving on, so men need to stop leading them on when they know their intentions are not aligned with hers. I feel sympathy for the women who have a hard time realizing that their children are just an excuse for the immature father to stake his claim in her life. Just as I feel sympathy for the men who are weak enough to fall for the antics of the women who just can't move on. I don't feel sorry for the immature man who uses his baby mamas weakness to his advantage to control the situation, vice versa. Everyone deserves their right to move on and be happy, especially if you aren't willing to give them your all; baby mama, baby daddy, or not.
Quote of the Day: "When you're genuinely concerned for your childrens well being, you will make sure their mother/father is happy so that it may be reflected unto the child." ~ Candice Loper
Candy Girl
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
There are no winners in the Blame Game!
Good Morning Blogfam!
In the game of blame there really aren’t any winners. When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would, the best thing to do is ask yourself “What went wrong?” However, people don’t normally ask themselves that question, reflect on the situation, and receive their lesson. Instead, the initial thought is to place the blame on someone else so you don’t have to feel convicted on a personal level. I have found that when people do this, they aren’t allowing themselves the opportunity to see their own area of improvement.
I am sure many of us have had relationships that didn’t work out the way we may have envisioned them to. That’s where some people tend to let their bitterness or animosities towards the other person blind them from seeing the complete reality of the situation. I have been that bitter person before,and thought I could do no wrong and that everything was the other persons fault. However, looking at many situations in hindsight, I was able to realize that blame is a two person game. The entire relationship wasn’t the responsibility of one person, so how can the burden of the separation rest solely on one person? We can easily say things like “He/She cheated on me numerous times, so that’s why the relationship ended.” But if more people decided to look at situations from a different perspective it will provide a sense of clarity and understanding that they wouldn’t normally have. Instead of blaming your partner for lost time due to their cheating ways, you could hold yourself accountable and say, "If I would have ended it when I found out the first time then maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much time." As you can see, there isn’t just one perspective to any given situation, and the road you take will ultimately determine your outlook and ability to accept things for what they are.
When you choose to focus on being accountable for your actions, it gives you the ability to move forward, forgive, and relinquish the next person from any responsibility for your pain. I have learned that when you spend so much time blaming someone and being bitter, it takes away a certain level of peace that you have within yourself. If you don’t move forward with peace, then you will be sure to take frustration, upset, and worry into your next relationship.
Quote of the Day: “You are in complete control of your circumstances and what you allow someone to do to you or take you through, so don't blame someone else after YOU'VE dealt with it for too long.” ~ Candice Loper
In the game of blame there really aren’t any winners. When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would, the best thing to do is ask yourself “What went wrong?” However, people don’t normally ask themselves that question, reflect on the situation, and receive their lesson. Instead, the initial thought is to place the blame on someone else so you don’t have to feel convicted on a personal level. I have found that when people do this, they aren’t allowing themselves the opportunity to see their own area of improvement.
I am sure many of us have had relationships that didn’t work out the way we may have envisioned them to. That’s where some people tend to let their bitterness or animosities towards the other person blind them from seeing the complete reality of the situation. I have been that bitter person before,and thought I could do no wrong and that everything was the other persons fault. However, looking at many situations in hindsight, I was able to realize that blame is a two person game. The entire relationship wasn’t the responsibility of one person, so how can the burden of the separation rest solely on one person? We can easily say things like “He/She cheated on me numerous times, so that’s why the relationship ended.” But if more people decided to look at situations from a different perspective it will provide a sense of clarity and understanding that they wouldn’t normally have. Instead of blaming your partner for lost time due to their cheating ways, you could hold yourself accountable and say, "If I would have ended it when I found out the first time then maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much time." As you can see, there isn’t just one perspective to any given situation, and the road you take will ultimately determine your outlook and ability to accept things for what they are.
When you choose to focus on being accountable for your actions, it gives you the ability to move forward, forgive, and relinquish the next person from any responsibility for your pain. I have learned that when you spend so much time blaming someone and being bitter, it takes away a certain level of peace that you have within yourself. If you don’t move forward with peace, then you will be sure to take frustration, upset, and worry into your next relationship.
Quote of the Day: “You are in complete control of your circumstances and what you allow someone to do to you or take you through, so don't blame someone else after YOU'VE dealt with it for too long.” ~ Candice Loper
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Is it easier said than done?
Happy February Blogfam!!
I've been finding myself repeating this one particular saying very often lately: "I know it's easier said than done". I am finding that I only say this people I am conversing with who I don't feel have the ability to do it, so I guess it's my way of making them feel comfortable within their inabilities. I am not claiming to be perfect or have it all figured out but one thing I do know is, I won't advise or offer my opinion on anything that I haven't experienced first hand. I have found that doing it is not the hard part, it gets difficult when it's time to cope with it and that's what people can't handle.
I'm sure we've all known people who were really good talkers and would always have some sort of suggestion or advice as to how they think you should handle a situation. However, I have always been one to appreciate advice from those who have lived it and had the strength to cope with it. I have been through the ringer and back in life due to personal mistakes, bad judgment calls, weakness, immaturity, stupidity, and the list could go on and on. However, I learned from those experiences and it has helped shape me into the person I am today. Now while I realize that everyone will ultimately travel down their own path regardless of advice, opinions, and wisdom from others, I believe it definitely has a significant impact when they know that a person has endured and overcome what they're advising unto them.
I think that people get confused between giving their opinion and advising someone as to what to do. First of all, when you're speaking to an adult all you can really do is give your opinion or tell someone what you experienced because at the end of the day they will do what they want to do anyway. However, I find it easier to offer my opinion based on facts not speculation because then I can say "When I went through it....I did" but it doesn't really go over well if you're coming from the angle of "If it were me... I would". No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you because it's not you and everyone knows when you're in a situation you might think about handling it one way and ultimately end up handling it a totally different way. So I agree that no one knows what it's like until they've been through it, so if you're talking to or consulting with someone that you respect who has been through what you're going through, take heed to it.
Quote of the Day: "No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you, they really want to know what you did when it was you!" ~ Candice Loper
I've been finding myself repeating this one particular saying very often lately: "I know it's easier said than done". I am finding that I only say this people I am conversing with who I don't feel have the ability to do it, so I guess it's my way of making them feel comfortable within their inabilities. I am not claiming to be perfect or have it all figured out but one thing I do know is, I won't advise or offer my opinion on anything that I haven't experienced first hand. I have found that doing it is not the hard part, it gets difficult when it's time to cope with it and that's what people can't handle.
I'm sure we've all known people who were really good talkers and would always have some sort of suggestion or advice as to how they think you should handle a situation. However, I have always been one to appreciate advice from those who have lived it and had the strength to cope with it. I have been through the ringer and back in life due to personal mistakes, bad judgment calls, weakness, immaturity, stupidity, and the list could go on and on. However, I learned from those experiences and it has helped shape me into the person I am today. Now while I realize that everyone will ultimately travel down their own path regardless of advice, opinions, and wisdom from others, I believe it definitely has a significant impact when they know that a person has endured and overcome what they're advising unto them.
I think that people get confused between giving their opinion and advising someone as to what to do. First of all, when you're speaking to an adult all you can really do is give your opinion or tell someone what you experienced because at the end of the day they will do what they want to do anyway. However, I find it easier to offer my opinion based on facts not speculation because then I can say "When I went through it....I did" but it doesn't really go over well if you're coming from the angle of "If it were me... I would". No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you because it's not you and everyone knows when you're in a situation you might think about handling it one way and ultimately end up handling it a totally different way. So I agree that no one knows what it's like until they've been through it, so if you're talking to or consulting with someone that you respect who has been through what you're going through, take heed to it.
Quote of the Day: "No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you, they really want to know what you did when it was you!" ~ Candice Loper
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