Love is not stupid...it's just love!

Good Morning Blogfam!!

Is there a thin line between love and stupidity?  Someone who has never been in love before would probably say yes to this question.  However, someone who has experienced true love would probably say "Who cares?"  Love is a very sensitive, controversial topic because there are no right answers on how to love someone.  The actions of love that may be displayed by one may be considered stupidity to another.  The point is no one has a right to judge another person's depiction of love, how they show it, and who they show it to. 

I had a very broad perception of love since I had never experienced true, unconditional, genuine love.  However, in talking to my friend yesterday I was able to realize that when you truly love someone there is nothing that can diminish that feeling.  When it comes to the case of love, on a personal level instead of having the ability or desire to just love someone unequivocally I was always concerned about being a fool and not knowing when to draw the line or just not care.  Normally the feeling of stupidity is driven by how you think others perceive you, not necessarily about how you're feeling about yourself.  Therefore, now it is clear to me that when you are in love it has the power to supercede all outside opinions or perceptions. 

Although I truly believe that love is an amazing feeling I am not so sure that it should lead the way when making decisions.  We can't let another person's actions determine whether we love them or not because if we did the love would never be constant.  However, I do believe that love is a reciprocal feeling that should be given and received.  When you genuinely love someone they should receive it, respect it. and appreciate it.  If they are not able to do that then quite possibly they don't deserve or just aren't ready to receive the type of love that you have to give.  This is where I believe the thin line comes in between love and stupidity (for lack of a better word).  When do you draw the line and move on instead of waiting for someone to love you how you want them to love you?  Love tends to blind us from deciphering what is real vs. how we feel.  When you know or believe that you truly love someone and you let love lead the way, you are more than willing to put up with certain behavior that someone who leads with their mind probably wouldn't put up with.  However, the positive side of things is that no one has to live our lives but us so to have a peaceful existence its best to do what you feel is right for you.  Everyone may not have the ability to see love from your perspective; therefore at the end of the day opinions of others should have absolutely no affect on how, when, or who you love.

Quote of the Day: "Loving hard doesn't make you stupid, being concerned about if others think you're stupid makes you stupid." ~ Candice Loper      

Inquiries Don't Constitute Commitment

Good Morning Blogfam!

Creating and building new relationships with quality people can be exciting, and at the same time providing a sense of nervousness.  We've all heard the term that it's important to just "go with the flow" but that doesn't always come easily.  Going with the flow requires a certain level of patience and optimism, especially if you're not completely certain as to what a person's motive or intentions may be.  I always hear different opinions regarding how soon may be too soon to have conversations about what a persons short or long term relationship goals are.  Personally, I don't think there is a specific time frame to have those conversations as it will be relevant at some time or another.  I feel that after meeting someone, the sooner that you get those questions about intentions out the way, the sooner you will know what the initial flow of the relationship will be and where it will lead.

It seems that people avoid the serious conversations in the beginning of a relationship out of fear of scaring a person off.  However, I believe that if a simple conversation with no immediate expectations deters someone from progressing further, than it should be a sign that either they don't know what they want yet or just looking forward to having a good time.  There is nothing at all wrong with that but at least when you ask the questions up front, you are given a fair opportunity to make a clear decision that works for you.  In many of my past relationships I mislead myself into thinking that because a person exhibits a particular behavior that they had the same intentions as I did.  However, I began to realize that a person has no way of knowing what my relationship goals are if I don't tell them.  So basically I went through my past relationships with undisclosed intentions which caused me to go with his flow, and not our flow.  Relationships are about compromise, communication, and comfort ability so it's important to make sure that everyone is on the same page.  When you take the time out to reflect on your past mistakes it allows you to recognize your areas of improvement.  However, it's also important to not be so focused on correcting your past mistakes that you take the excitement out of the situation.  As long as you trust your ability to recognize when someone is genuine and sincere, you won't carry that fear of your feelings being taken advantage of.  

Quote of the Day: "Don't be so focused on the final destination that you forget to enjoy the trip." ~ Candice Loper   

Success is not character....

Good Morning Blogfam!

I was listening to the radio this morning and was slightly aggravated by the topic of discussion.  The topic was "Why is it hard for a black woman to find a successful black man?"  Honestly, I am not so sure why people pose questions such as this because I don't think it is fair to categorize people.  I will never understand why all of the burden is placed on the black woman to "find" a black man, oops i'm sorry I meant a successful black man.  Being single with a particular status shouldn't be based on gender, as we all deal with the same issues. 

There is no specific set of reasons why there are an abundance of single black women.  I believe that over the years ALL people have compromised their standards at some time or another.  I am almost sure that women and men alike have not always had a single status, it just may be the case in the present day.  However, as you grow and get closer to yourself you begin to realize what you want and what type of person will compliment you and not complete you.  That type of partner does not always come easily so its about patience not desperation and its about realistic standards not superficiality.  It doesn't have to seem like such an epidemic for a person to be single because there is nothing wrong with it.  Being in a relationship does not determine a persons worth or quality of existence, it just means that they have possibly connected with someone who adds value to their life, whereas a single person hasn't quite achieved that yet.

I have noticed that people put "successful" people into these buckets as if they are in a class of their own which is true to a certain extent.  Success is a lovely attribute because it means that you have the will and desire to achieve more in life, however success does not define a person.  There are many successful people who have made it professionally, but have a hard time communicating on a personal level and that right there is a character flaw that no amount of money or notoriety could ever rectify.  I will not believe the hype or jump on the bandwagon because I believe that possessing positive character and personality traits, in addition to your professional status are just important, if not more.

Quote of the Day: "Good people attract and communicate best with good people, not successful people." ~ Candice Loper

Prioritize your dealings...

Good Morning Blogfam!

I believe that it is especially important to randomly evaluate your relationships.  The relationships that we have with others can have an affect on the flow of our daily lives, sometimes good and sometimes bad.  If you know there is someone who is contributing or involved in unnecessary drama, then after a clear evaluation of your relationship you may come to realize that it may not be in your best interest to associate yourself with that person.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with discontinuing unhealthy relationships because at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you.  I believe that we hang on to people for several reasons; giving people the benefit of the doubt, the level of comfort that we have with them, because we are creatures of habit, and sometimes it's due to motive. 

On a personal level, I have learned that when someone is beneficial for you there won't be any reasons why you have a relationship with them except "they're good for me" or "we're good for each other".  There aren't normally many benefits to doubts because a doubt is something that you know 95% of the time is true but that other 5% gives you something to look forward to.  Well if 95% of the time you have received a 5% benefit then it's time to give it up.  Where there is one person who is causing issues, there are 50 other people who won't.  I have had relationships where I was comfortable being around them but not comfortable with the flow of the relationship which constantly gave me a feeling of doubt and caused me to try and figure out what the potential motive was.  Have you ever heard the term "quality over quantity"?  Well that is how I operate and it works out perfectly for me.  I would prefer to have one friend who provides a sense of fulfillment in a relationship, than to have 10 questionable people that appear to be friends who add small pieces to make up the puzzle of a relationship.  However, upon clear reflection and evaluation those 10 questionable people do have the ability to be associates; which means you have the choice to associate with those people for whatever pieces they add to your standards of a relationship. 

You see it's all very simple, you befriend those who complete you and assist you in leading a peaceful existence and you associate with those who add partial standardized value.

Quote of the Day: "Perfection in your relationships should not be the ultimate goal.  You should primarily strive for happiness and peace!" ~ Candice Loper

Don't be too INDEPENDENT!

Good Morning Blogfam!

Being strong and independent are fabulous attributes that everyone should possess.  There is nothing more fulfilling than having the will, desire, and can-do attitude to get things done on your own.  Although there will be times when support will be necessary, that should not be confused with being completely dependent.  I believe there are many people who have reservations about asking for assistance when they need it out of fear of being labeled as dependent or needy.  However, I don’t think that anyone can do everything alone.

I have been on my own for quite some time now and while I know for a fact that I am a strong, independent woman, I also know that there are times when I need to lean on others for support.  It doesn’t make me feel like less of a woman; it just means that I’m human and I have the ability to recognize my blessings.   Whereas dependency happens when a person’s first thought is “Who can help me with this?” instead of “How can I get this done?”  On a personal level, I lean on others for support when I have exhausted all of my options trying to do it on my own and just couldn’t quite get it done.  I am a single mother of three children and for anyone who is in a similar situation, I’m sure you know how hard it can be at times.  If I were to try and convince myself that I could do everything without the support of others then I would find myself struggling which may give me the feeling of independence, while at the same time feeling the pains of stress and weakness.

Independence is not determined by how much you can do on your own, but rather it is determined by how efficient you are at making decisions that will benefit you and your family.  I feel most independent when I can take a difficult situation and make it better by making clear and concise decisions.  It’s not about whether or not I can do it on my own, it’s all about how I am able to handle it.  With that being said, don’t be so independent that you don’t have the ability to recognize, appreciate, and find it advantageous to receive support from others.

Quote of the Day: “Don’t let your independence force you to ignore the fact that support is a necessary blessing.” ~ Candice Loper

Give Everyone a Fair Chance

Good Morning Blogfam!

I believe it is important to always be fair and realistic in all situations.  I am famous for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but that ability doesn’t come easy to everyone.  It takes a mature person to be able to look at each person as an individual, especially when you have heard negative things, or have a relationship with someone who doesn’t particularly care for them.  There aren’t enough people that have the ability to say “Regardless of what this person may have done to him/her, they haven’t done anything to me, so until then I will respect them for who they are.”   This happens when you have someone who is always concerned about proving something to someone, instead of being comfortable with their own decision-making skills.  In addition to maturity, it also requires amazing character traits to be your own person and make your own decisions.

I have been in situations where I was disliked by one person simply because I was disliked by another.  Thinking about it from a realistic perspective, it’s extremely immature and shows a lack of character to take on someone else’s views.  It’s a sign of weakness because you’re showing that you are incapable of making your own decision based on your own perception.  Like I’ve said before, there is no need to borrow the views of someone else when you own yours.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect by far, so I have been that weak, immature, character lacking person who has disliked others because of how someone else felt about them.  However, my primary focus is to be the best person I can be and treat everyone as an individual.  You can’t go through life being concerned about how someone feels about you, because we all know that some people just don’t have the ability to see you for who you truly are.  It can be fairly frustrating when you know you’re a good person, but you have people that try and diminish your character with their misguided perception of who they try to make you out to be.   When you are certain about who you are and what your purpose is, those small-minded people won’t matter at all.

Quote of the Day: “Never let someone else’s opinion taint your depiction of others.  The relationship they had with them may not be the same that you have with them.” ~ Candice Loper

What's Your Motive?

Good Morning Blogfam!

There was no post yesterday because I was speaking to a lovely group of women at the Homefront Family Preservation Center.   It was a very rewarding experience, and it felt good to be received and related to by so many women.  I’m giving them all a shout out!!

Today I will be talking about motives!!  Most times, people do things because of motives.  Some are good but most are bad.  I believe that motive, especially when it involves being selfish, removes any chance of a person’s having the ability to be genuine.   When you do things from the kindness of your heart, it proves that you aren’t looking to gain anything from the situation; your main objective is to make someone else happy.  However, there are people out here who don’t believe that Karma is real, and realize that what you put out you will get back.

It frustrates me when I have to try and figure out if someone is genuine or if they have a motive.  I’ve had relationships in the past where I wasn’t quite so sure what the purpose or basis behind it was, so it caused me to ask the question “Why is this person in my life?”  I had to realize that if I have to ask myself what someone’s purpose is, then it may not be genuine.  With all the true friends that I hold near and dear to me, I have never had to wonder why we had a relationship because everything came so natural.  If each time someone calls you they want something, but never call just to see how you’re doing, you can be certain that their motive is getting what they can get and that’s it!  Everyone shares a common motive, which is being happy.  However, not everyone takes the same path to achieve that.  Some will rob, steal, cheat, and use people to achieve their level of happiness.  Others will take a more reciprocal approach and do a good deed to receive the same in return, which then provides a sense of happiness. 

If you have an issue with being unable to recognize what your motives are and how they are appearing in the public eye, then you may want to figure out how what you’re doing will bring your happiness and whether or not it will bring someone else pain.

Quote of the Day: “When kind and genuine motives are your fuel, you’ll be sure to get more miles.” ~ Candice Loper

Think Highly of Yourself!

Good Morning, Blogfam!

Self-deprecation is a serious issue amongst many people.  It is defined as the act of belittling or undervaluing oneself.  I am sure we have all done it in our lives at some time or another.  Basically, you know what you deserve or what you’re worth, but you are willing to settle for less, only to partially satisfy yourself or someone else.  It’s almost the same as realizing your full potential or your purpose, but limiting your goals because you don’t want to work hard enough to reach the level of success that you know you can achieve.     

What I have discovered to be a common cause of self-deprecation is the constant thought of your prior failures and shortcomings.  I believe that it is severely unhealthy to let your past experiences create self-doubt in the present day.  Granted, you may have endured many tough situations in the past, but it doesn’t mean you have to continue to do so.  When people let their experiences create a personal perception of who they think they are, then they will never be accurate on whom they truly are.  This is what typically leads to low self-esteem and self-pity.  You always feel like a victim of your circumstances and because of that, it prevents you from being truly happy in life.

I have been in relationships before that weren’t necessarily ideal, and at times I allowed it to determine how I felt about myself, which then caused me to beat myself up mentally and emotionally because I was constantly trying to figure out where I was falling short.  However, once I got to a peaceful place, I was able to realize that regardless of what I did wrong, it doesn’t mean that I am subject to limited satisfaction.  A mistake is a learning experience that should lead to growth.  If your mind frame stays the same, how can your thoughts get bigger?  The answer to that is it can’t.  So as long as you continue to put yourself down and accept less than what you know you deserve, your thoughts about yourself will continue to be small.  We set the stage for how we want people to perceive us, and if you give off even the slightest hint that you will accept less than the best, then that’s what you’re going to get.

Quote of the Day:  “Think largely of yourself, and the world around you won’t seem quite so big.” ~ Candice Loper

Realistic Standards lead to Satisfaction

Good Morning, BlogFam!

Each and every one of us has expectations in life.  However, I believe that people confuse having expectations with having standards.  An expectation is an anticipation of what we hope to receive from someone.  Standards are criteria that we use to determine whether or not something or someone is acceptable.  There is nothing worse than someone having an expectation of someone else and it is either unrealistic, or a secret.  You can’t expect something of someone that they don’t know they are supposed to be delivering.  It’s also not fair to expect something of someone that is unrealistic, because then you are intentionally setting them up for failure; which we would call premeditated resentment. 

I used to have these outrageous, superficial standards that no one man could ever live up to even if he re-programmed himself to try and meet them.  Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely still have standards but they have become slightly relaxed over the years.  I felt that if I prioritized my standards, then quite possibly, my standards would satisfy my priorities.  For example, I am a single mother, so it wouldn’t make sense for me to want a man who doesn’t have or want any children.  In my opinion, that’s a superficial standard that has very little potential to satisfy my priorities.  It doesn’t have to be a requirement for me to have a man who does have kids, but I definitely don’t feel that I should solely seek out the latter.  For someone like myself, who has three children, it would be beneficial to consider being with someone who has the experience and/or ability to connect with children.  

Thankfully, I have determined what my standards are, and I feel that they are reasonable.  Therefore, I am practicing patience and optimism because I am at a point in my life where I refuse to settle for less.  I used to compromise what I knew I wanted for what I thought would “work”, but that normally equated to wasted time, unnecessary aggravation, and self-inflicted anguish.  Luckily, those days are coming to an end. 

Quote of the Day: “One of the most valuable lessons you can learn, is that the beautification of the package is not a determination of the quality of the contents.” ~ Candice Loper

Be Honest with YOU!

Good Morning BlogFam!

It is extremely important to be honest with yourself, even at times when you may not want to.  So many people get upset when people are dishonest with them but they don’t even have the ability to be honest with themselves.  Trust, honesty, and respect are reciprocal actions that start with you and eventually create a domino effect.  If you are able to give it to yourself, you will give it to others, and others will give it to you.  Just as I stated yesterday, telling lies takes creativity and a certain level of cynicism, which means when you are dishonest with yourself you are creating an imaginary perception of the truth. 

When you alter reality you are choosing to chase false dreams.  Some things just won’t be and it’s okay to accept that because while there are things that won’t be, there are so many other things that will be and ARE!  Having the ability to be completely honest with yourself takes integrity, a high level of respect, and regard for YOUR reality.  In my opinion, when you choose to be ignorant to the facts you are blinding yourself.  Each and every one of us who has our sight and can hear should embrace it as a gift.  Just think of the people who are blind or deaf by nature; they don’t have the ability to see things for what they are but somehow they still have the ability to embrace THEIR reality.   Therefore, my point is, what you see is what it is so don’t try to paint a new picture on the same canvas by trying to cover up what you know is real.

If you feel you may have this problem, you may want to take some time to yourself and re-evaluate your current position in life.  It is quite possible that you’re not reaching your full potential because you are not telling yourself the truth.  I understand that telling yourself the truth can be one of the hardest things you will ever do; but once you get the hang of it, it will be one of the best things you could have ever done for yourself.  Contrary to popular beliefs, the truth is not out to hurt you.   The only intent is to help you embrace who you are and what your purpose is.

Quote of the Day: “Stick to your budget…don’t buy dreams you can’t afford!  The truth is free but lies can be very costly.” ~ Candice Loper

Do you have a confidant?

Good Morning Blogfam!

Do you have a confidant?  I have discovered over the years how important it is to have at least one person that you can confide in and share your deepest and dearest thoughts, memories, and feelings.  This person should be someone who you feel comfortable sharing your personal information with, someone who you know is not biased or judgmental, and it should be someone who will tell you the utter truth; even if it’s not what you want to hear.  I have been blessed to have several confidants because over the years I have built strong, lasting relationships with several people who have always had my back.

I don’t necessarily feel that you have to share EVERYTHING but in the event that you need to, it’s an amazing feeling to have people to turn to.  Some people are able to keep their emotions bottled up, until they finally release it in impulsive fashion.  I have found that I am able to remain calm in many situations because I have already talked it out, sometimes several times, with my confidant(s).  There was a time in my life when I was personally embarrassed by many of the things I did, which would cause me to keep things to myself out of fear of being judged.   However, once I put things into perspective I realized that when someone cares about you and has your best interest in mind, they won’t judge you they will listen and uplift you!

On a personal level, I am sure of my ability to be there for my loved ones because my Leo/Lioness spirit allows me to give it to people straight.  I realize that for someone who may already be confused or uncertain, confiding in someone who doesn’t have the ability to provide a clear perspective can just make matters worse.   Some people can’t provide clear advice or direction to someone when they are going through things in their own life.  However, that’s where you have to realize that your problems will be there but if you can provide assistance to get someone else through their issues, then it could just possibly open up a door for whatever you’re going through.   I tend to find clarity and many answers to my questions through being there for other people and learning from their situations.   Once again, it’s all about perspective and your ability to recognize an indirect blessing.      

Quote of the Day:  “Your burdens don’t have to be all yours, when you have people who are willing to carry some of them for you.” ~ Candice Loper

Lies are Lame!

Good Evening Blogfam!

Over this past weekend I have been faced with having the horrible task of dealing with lies.  In all honesty, lies aggravate me because I feel like they are so unnecessary.  The truth is so easy to come by because it doesn't have to be made up.  It takes very creative, sneaky individuals to have the cleverness to "create" lies.  Lies are like roaches, whereas one leads to another, then before you know it they have multiplied and gotten way out of control.  All  lies are bad but the most vicious are the ones that you already know the truth to.

My daughter has had a difficult time telling lies lately and it bothers me because she's at that tender age where it's essential for her to know the importance of the truth.  One thing I have noticed about lies and the people who tell them is it comes so natural and it becomes habit.  I try not to get frustrated by lies, especially once I have evaluated who is delivering them.  Just as a public speaker has to be cognizant of their audience, we must do the same in conversation.  If you know who you're speaking to and what potential they have to deliver ignorance (as that is what lies equate to) then it tends to alleviate the frustration that builds up from the information that is received.

A lie is the factor that normally leads to mistrust in relationships as well.  Many of my relationships, romantic and platonic, have ended or been affected due to lies.  In my opinion when a person deliberately tells a lie, they have no respect for you or the relationship they have with you.  So I feel that in order to prevent yourself from "blowing a gasket", you should learn as much as you can about those who you chose to engage with.  If you already know what to expect, you won't feel let down or betrayed if you actually happen to just get it. 

Quote of the Day: "The first instinct it to think, as it normally serves as a benefit before you speak." ~ Candice Loper

Life is Long!

Good Morning Blogfam!

How many times have you heard the saying "Life is too short."?  I have heard it too many times to count.  However, if you think about it, life is actually very long, especially if you're blessed.  Think about it from the perspective of a 90 year old person.  They have lived through wars, depressions, recessions, and the lives of many other people.  What they have experienced firsthand is listed in history books!  Do you think that this person thinks life is short?  I would have to say probably not.

During our lifetime, we will have so many opportunities to make mistakes, correct them, experience new innovations, engage and disengage in relationships, create new lives, see them grow, etc.  You get my drift, and although life is long, it's important to live each day as if you didn't have the possibility of another 22,000 days (roughly, about 60 years).  The relationship you have with yourself is the longest relationship you will EVER experience, so its important to make it a fulfilling one!  Think about this for a second: The words relationship, friendship, and kinship all end with the word "ship".  A ship is a large vessel that is built to withstand the toughest of conditions and transport massive amounts of people and cargo.  During our long life, we will experience many relationships where we may have to endure tough conditions and situations but that's where the "ship" comes into the equation.  Ships are not built to sink, they may come in and dock for a while, but they will sail again if it was built and maintained properly.  Don't go through life having Titanic-style relationships; make sure they’re fruitful and have the foundation necessary to withstand the test of time.

I am at 28 years, and I can't even say that its been short thus far, so I am almost positive that by the time I reach 80 years, I will be looking at my life as having been a long, and fulfilling one.  So, don't disrespect the quality of the length of life by labeling it as short, because time is one of the most precious gifts we are given, especially when utilized properly. 

Quote of the Day: "You are the author of your own book so you can either make it a short story, or you can make it a novel...  The choice is yours!" ~ Candice Loper

Establish Your Motivation!

Good Afternoon Blogfam!

Without motivation, inspiration, and direction there tends to be very little action.  Typically, when people are not motivated by anything, they don't have the drive to progress towards bigger and better things.  Anyone can be content doing the same things every day, but there is no increased value being added to your life when you don't strive for more.  This brings me to the point that it is considerably important to establish a clear sense of what motivates you.

I thought about this most recently when I came to the realization of what motivates me.  For example, I write these blogs every day, I post inspirational/motivational statuses on Facebook about love, relationships, success, accountability, etc.   Therefore for me to go through life doing the opposite of what I am putting out to the world would be perfectly contradictory.  That being said, what motivates me to do the right things, have the upmost respect for myself, and continue to strive for more are the various things I realize on a day-to-day basis that I share with everyone else.  It's not that I am concerned about others knowing that I may be contradicting my words from time to time; it's the fact that I know, and that is what is most important.  Some people don't have the gift of a conscience, which means they don't have the ability to recognize or feel convicted when or if they do something that they know is not acceptable.

If you don't currently have anything that motivates you, my suggestion would be to try your best to find it. If you have children, that's a source of motivation right there.  I can assure you that if I didn't have three children that depended on me for their peace, security, and resources, I probably wouldn't have the same level of motivation to want and attain more in life. The key to realizing your motivation is making sure it is something that is personal and specific to YOU!  I have been in a situation before where my motivation to further my education, dress, or wear my hair a certain way was driven by someone telling me how unpleasing it was to them to see me how I was.  So when I took the steps to modify those things, I wasn't doing it for me...  I was doing it because I felt like I had something to prove to someone who wasn't happy on a personal level and transferring their shortcomings unto me. That is a prime example of  what I would like to call “reverse self-deprecation”.  Someone who has low self-esteem and feels better by causing someone else to feel bad.

Quote of the Day: "With no motivation there will be plenty of stagnation." ~ Candice Loper

Maybe I am Love Numb...

Good Morning Blogfam!

I want to share something with you this morning.  During a conversation last night, I was told by a friend that I am "one-sided" in the case of love, which according to them means I have never been in love before.  I was also told that I shouldn't speak on it in a public forum such as this as I could possibly sway others depiction of love.  So I had to think about that for a second; Am I love numb?  So I had a moment of reflection where I thought back to when I was in love..or at least thought I was in love. 

I thought I was in love for the first time when I was about 15 years old; at that stage in my life it would have been classified as "young love" because when you're that young there are no standards for your determination of what love is to you.  So that relationship ended, which brought me to thinking I was in love again when I was about 20 years old; at that stage in my life I would have to classify that love as "hood love" because that is when I was ready and willing to do anything for this person I was with.  However, one thing I have learned about "hood love" is it normally requires taking many risks and suffering many consequences.  In my opinion, that's not love, that is simply a feeling of obligation because with the risks came many rewards.  Finally, the LAST time I thought I was in love was when I was about 24 years old: at that stage in my life I would have to classify that as "desperate love", because after feeling like I was in love or experiencing love twice and falling short I created my own sense of love in that relationship.  I was aware that the love that I thought I was experiencing wasn't what I wanted it to be, however because I had never truly experienced what I wanted, I just rolled with it.  So after many lessons, I am now able to understand that you can make love what you want it to be, but if you create a new definition of love with each relationship you will never be able to secure your standards.

To address the statement my friend made; I don't feel as though I am one-sided  in the case of love as I do believe that it's a beautiful thing that everyone will or has experienced.  I have never slammed love as if it was this supernatural feeling that was unheard of.  The only point I try to make is I don't think love should always guide decisions because when people lead with their heart or emotions and not their logic, they tend to coerce situations.  You can't force something just because of love, as there are so many other feelings, emotions, and factors to take into consideration.  If everything is placed on the weighing platform of love then how will all other factors on the scale balance out? 

One thing that holds true to me is that love is a feeling and not a reason.  That motto will always remain in the forefront of my mind because logic has never steered me in the wrong direction, unfortunately I can't say the same about love.  Therefore, at my current stage in life the only classification I have for love is LOVE with no preceding adjective. 

Quote of the Day: "Love has a home inside of me so I will not put it out on the streets so it can be used and abused.  I will show love love so love can show me love." ~ Candice Loper

Enough is Enough

Good Morning Blogfam!!

Do you ever have a hard time getting rid of certain people, things, or habits?  I'm sure your answer to this is yes as we all have difficulty at time, breaking certain cycles.  As creatures of habit we tend to find our a personal level of comfort in all that we do.  If you're a cigarette smoker, regardless of the fact that it kills you and is unhealthy many people continue to smoke because of an oral fixation that they need to satisfy.  It's normally not until it's too late that people decide to make drastic changes and that is not the most efficient way.  Realize for yourself when your limit has approached and find that strength to rid yourself of whatever is an ailment to you...it will make you feel better.

In the case of bad relationships, enough is normally enough way before it comes to the end.  However, once again as creatures of habit we will find our own comfort in these bad relationships.  I know someone who was (astoundingly pleasant operative word...hehe) in a bad relationship for a long time.  A relationship that was leading nowhere, hadn't been anywhere, and retained no substance.  For some reason due to her comfort level with him, she chose to stay hoping that it would one day be what she wanted it to be.  Through the arguments, fights, disrespect, infidelity, and constant pain and anguish she stuck it out.  Why would someone want to do this when there are so many other gentlemen out here who would be more than happy to treat her with respect?  Because the fear of moving on and starting over holds people back.  Although they blame it on love, its not love, its simply just habit.  However, her biggest problem was that she didn't have just one confidant, she had MANY so each and every time she went through something she would call ALL of her confidants.  That is when it something came to me one day and I shared it with her.  You don't just live for yourself...you live for yourself and others that you lean on for support.  I told her that because she obviously had the desire and patience to deal with the tough situations but that doesn't mean that everyone else has that same level of patience.  Those who are on the outside looking in, and especially those people who genuinely care about you, do not want to see you going through anything that is causing you pain.  I realize that in times of pain and uncertainty we always want to talk to someone about it because if not you feel like you will explode.  Speaking from experience, I am suggesting that if you know you don't have the power to leave a person and that's not the road you're leading down then be very decisive about who you tell what to and how serious the issue is.  Whether you want to accept it or not, people do grow tired and don't have the same desire as you do to put up with drama and nonsense.

Over the past several months I have been faced with realizing when enough is enough and I would have to say that I am doing a pretty good job making those tough decisions.  I have the ability to realize when a situation is causing me more pain than joy, more stress than peacefulness, or more drama than maturity.  When you're trying to be successful you typically don't have enough time for unnecessary issues. 

Quote of the Day: "If you are trying to achieve success, eliminate all stress and guess what will come out of you?  The Best!!!" ~ Candice Loper

Are You Growing?

Good Morning Blogfam!

Growth is a crucial element to each and every one of us and no, I am not talking about physically.  That will happen no matter what.  I am referring to growth as it relates to your character, personality, and maturity.  Lack of growth means you aren't progressing, which normally equates to being immature in certain areas of your life.  Progression of your being is detrimental to how you are perceived and received by others.

Besides knowing and feeling differently about what I know I am putting out in the universe, there are always situations that happen that confirms what I already know.  I'll tell you a quick story.  I have a very close friend who I have known for almost 20 years and we have certainly had our share of ups and downs.  Sometimes even to the point of not speaking for years at a time.  Most recently there was a situation where I didn't keep my word and she let me know how she felt.  So I acknowledged that I was wrong and apologized for being unreliable.  We talked about it and everything is all good now.  I am telling you this story because please note where in the beginning of this paragraph I told you that through our ups and downs we wouldn't speak for years at a time.  Mostly, due to minor issues such as this that would get blown out of proportion.  I recognized my growth, as well as hers, when I saw how we were able to talk about the situation at hand and rectify it quickly without any unnecessary drama.

If you still feel like the same person you felt like 10 years ago, then most likely you aren't growing.  When you begin to mature you tend to feel, interact, and think differently.  If you're holding on to a certain someone who you thought was who you should be, if it is beneficial don't be afraid to let pieces of that person go to create the person who you need to be to be successful.  I can guarantee that you won't have to question your progression if you realize one thing: You can't get anywhere until you decide that you don't want to stay where you are.  You are the initiator of your success!!!

Quote of the Day: "You and everyone else will know when you grow because it will show." ~ Candice Loper