Candy Girl

Candy Girl

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Maybe I am Love Numb...

Good Morning Blogfam!

I want to share something with you this morning.  During a conversation last night, I was told by a friend that I am "one-sided" in the case of love, which according to them means I have never been in love before.  I was also told that I shouldn't speak on it in a public forum such as this as I could possibly sway others depiction of love.  So I had to think about that for a second; Am I love numb?  So I had a moment of reflection where I thought back to when I was in love..or at least thought I was in love. 

I thought I was in love for the first time when I was about 15 years old; at that stage in my life it would have been classified as "young love" because when you're that young there are no standards for your determination of what love is to you.  So that relationship ended, which brought me to thinking I was in love again when I was about 20 years old; at that stage in my life I would have to classify that love as "hood love" because that is when I was ready and willing to do anything for this person I was with.  However, one thing I have learned about "hood love" is it normally requires taking many risks and suffering many consequences.  In my opinion, that's not love, that is simply a feeling of obligation because with the risks came many rewards.  Finally, the LAST time I thought I was in love was when I was about 24 years old: at that stage in my life I would have to classify that as "desperate love", because after feeling like I was in love or experiencing love twice and falling short I created my own sense of love in that relationship.  I was aware that the love that I thought I was experiencing wasn't what I wanted it to be, however because I had never truly experienced what I wanted, I just rolled with it.  So after many lessons, I am now able to understand that you can make love what you want it to be, but if you create a new definition of love with each relationship you will never be able to secure your standards.

To address the statement my friend made; I don't feel as though I am one-sided  in the case of love as I do believe that it's a beautiful thing that everyone will or has experienced.  I have never slammed love as if it was this supernatural feeling that was unheard of.  The only point I try to make is I don't think love should always guide decisions because when people lead with their heart or emotions and not their logic, they tend to coerce situations.  You can't force something just because of love, as there are so many other feelings, emotions, and factors to take into consideration.  If everything is placed on the weighing platform of love then how will all other factors on the scale balance out? 

One thing that holds true to me is that love is a feeling and not a reason.  That motto will always remain in the forefront of my mind because logic has never steered me in the wrong direction, unfortunately I can't say the same about love.  Therefore, at my current stage in life the only classification I have for love is LOVE with no preceding adjective. 

Quote of the Day: "Love has a home inside of me so I will not put it out on the streets so it can be used and abused.  I will show love love so love can show me love." ~ Candice Loper

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