Good Morning Blogfam!
It seems to me that people like to make excuses to validate why they make certain decisions. I had a conversation yesterday about why men feel they have a hard time choosing one woman to settle down with. There are many men who have a hard time making a decision because they have too many options. Contrary to popular beliefs there is a such thing as too many options, especially for those who can never be truly satisfied. So that is when the excuses begin because they need to blame their lack of commitment on something (even if that something is really nothing).
I believe that men tend to leave majority of the pressure and responsibility on a woman to specify what she wants. Therefore, letting him off the hook from having to set some standards and actually personally enforce them. If you ever notice, it's normally women who say things like I want a man who... and I want a man that... and I don't want a man that... Now don't get my wrong, i'm not saying that men don't have standards because i'm sure they do, however the ones who are indecisive won't make their standards known because they have a tendency to change quite often. The thing about standards is they do have the ability to change because your initial standards may not always produce the best results.
The only thing that people (not just men) have to realize is that when you're dating someone, it is extremely important to be as honest and forthcoming with your feelings as possible. There will be situations where you could unintentionally mislead someone into thinking that you want one thing when you know in your heart that you really want another thing. I encourage everyone to be as honest as you possibly can while dating because that will be your most opportune time to do so. How you behave while dating is a direct indication of how you will behave in a relationship. If you make a date with someone and cancel at the last minute, that could be an indication to the person you're dating that you may be unreliable. If your support if needed and you're not able to come through, that could be an indication that you're selfish or uncaring. My point is, you have to be aware of your behavior at all times because your first impression is the lasting one.
Quote of the Day: "Your first impression could be your last if you're not clear on who you are or what you want." ~ Candice Loper
Candy Girl
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Lies, Truth & Gossip
Good Morning Blogfam!!
I want to thank my sister (Shirl Green) for providing me with my motivation for my entry today. In relationships we will all experience some level of deception, truth, and gossip as that is the world we live in. There is always that person that feels like they know something and feels like it's their responsibility to inform the next person. Your perspective will determine how you view the information received; you will either see it as gossip or you will see it as fact. I have come to realize that who you're receiving the information from will make a difference as well. You know who has your best interest in mind just as you know who has the potential to be in the business of stirring up trouble. Therefore, it is important to recognize your resources!
Personally, as long as a person has not given me a reason to believe they are a liar, I will trust them. There is no benefit of the doubt with me because if I have doubts at the end of the day when/if the truth does come out to confirm my doubt there is no benefit there, only pain and frustration. Also, many people have a problem deciphering between what's a truth and what's a lie due to denial. Deep down they know that what they're being told is a lie but because they are in denial they choose to believe whatever truths they want to. I have said before that you can't create your own sense of the truth. I mean you can, but in the end it won't benefit you whatsoever. Over the years I have realized that you may not find out the truth immediately but everything comes out eventually, if you're patient enough to wait for it. However, if it is something that is eating at your gut like a parasite, then chances are you already know the truth, you're just waiting for some type of unnecessary confirmation.
The people that fall victim to gossip are typically the people who don't have a mind of their own or the people who have been dishonest themselves. It's almost like a sigh of relief to hear that their partner did something because now they feel like they're off the hook. That right there is a sign of immaturity and unaccountability because you find peace in passing the guilt you're carrying from your misconceptions on to the next person through their potential misconceptions.
Quote of the Day: "Trusting the person you're with can lighten the load of trusting the person you're not with. If you can't trust who you're with, then you probably shouldn't be with them." ~ Candice Loper
I want to thank my sister (Shirl Green) for providing me with my motivation for my entry today. In relationships we will all experience some level of deception, truth, and gossip as that is the world we live in. There is always that person that feels like they know something and feels like it's their responsibility to inform the next person. Your perspective will determine how you view the information received; you will either see it as gossip or you will see it as fact. I have come to realize that who you're receiving the information from will make a difference as well. You know who has your best interest in mind just as you know who has the potential to be in the business of stirring up trouble. Therefore, it is important to recognize your resources!
Personally, as long as a person has not given me a reason to believe they are a liar, I will trust them. There is no benefit of the doubt with me because if I have doubts at the end of the day when/if the truth does come out to confirm my doubt there is no benefit there, only pain and frustration. Also, many people have a problem deciphering between what's a truth and what's a lie due to denial. Deep down they know that what they're being told is a lie but because they are in denial they choose to believe whatever truths they want to. I have said before that you can't create your own sense of the truth. I mean you can, but in the end it won't benefit you whatsoever. Over the years I have realized that you may not find out the truth immediately but everything comes out eventually, if you're patient enough to wait for it. However, if it is something that is eating at your gut like a parasite, then chances are you already know the truth, you're just waiting for some type of unnecessary confirmation.
The people that fall victim to gossip are typically the people who don't have a mind of their own or the people who have been dishonest themselves. It's almost like a sigh of relief to hear that their partner did something because now they feel like they're off the hook. That right there is a sign of immaturity and unaccountability because you find peace in passing the guilt you're carrying from your misconceptions on to the next person through their potential misconceptions.
Quote of the Day: "Trusting the person you're with can lighten the load of trusting the person you're not with. If you can't trust who you're with, then you probably shouldn't be with them." ~ Candice Loper
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Most Is Almost All
Good Afternoon Blogfam!
I posted an entry some time ago where I stated that 'initial evaluation prevents compromise" and I still feel very strongly about that. However, I have adapted a new perspective in regards to standards, compromise, and acceptance. I believe that sometimes initial evaluation also has the potential to constitute compromise. If you take your time to evaluate someone upon meeting them; chances are you will discover things about them that you absolutely adore, then you will discover things that you may not be able to cope with. This is where you decide if the things you can't cope with are worth compromising.
I believe that people searching for "the one" just have to be real with themselves about what advantages and disadvantages the potential relationship may present. You will never get all of what you want from someone but it is possible to get most. In order to get most of what you want, you have to be flexible and willing to compromise certain things so that you can create the proper balance for yourself. My personal opinion is if you get all of what you want from someone then there is nothing left to desire or strive for with that individual. No matter how long you have been with a person, the desire to want more always provides a certain level of excitement and anticipation that being content does not.
A major part of getting all that you want is being okay with your wants and desires being part of that all. I know that sounds confusing so I will break it down for you. If you consider all the things that you want from a partner and you come to realize that you are only getting part or most of that; then the anticipation for the things you still desire can serve as a portion of that all. Why? Because if you view your desires as an attribute in your relationship that excites you, then at the very least you have something to look forward to. As I have stated many times before, it's all about your perspective and how you choose to view your situation. Anything can be looked upon in a positive light, if you choose to do so.
Quote of the Day: "Realizing that most is very close to all can provide a world of happiness, while looking at most as not enough can provide a world of misery. Perspective is everything!" ~ Candice Loper
I posted an entry some time ago where I stated that 'initial evaluation prevents compromise" and I still feel very strongly about that. However, I have adapted a new perspective in regards to standards, compromise, and acceptance. I believe that sometimes initial evaluation also has the potential to constitute compromise. If you take your time to evaluate someone upon meeting them; chances are you will discover things about them that you absolutely adore, then you will discover things that you may not be able to cope with. This is where you decide if the things you can't cope with are worth compromising.
I believe that people searching for "the one" just have to be real with themselves about what advantages and disadvantages the potential relationship may present. You will never get all of what you want from someone but it is possible to get most. In order to get most of what you want, you have to be flexible and willing to compromise certain things so that you can create the proper balance for yourself. My personal opinion is if you get all of what you want from someone then there is nothing left to desire or strive for with that individual. No matter how long you have been with a person, the desire to want more always provides a certain level of excitement and anticipation that being content does not.
A major part of getting all that you want is being okay with your wants and desires being part of that all. I know that sounds confusing so I will break it down for you. If you consider all the things that you want from a partner and you come to realize that you are only getting part or most of that; then the anticipation for the things you still desire can serve as a portion of that all. Why? Because if you view your desires as an attribute in your relationship that excites you, then at the very least you have something to look forward to. As I have stated many times before, it's all about your perspective and how you choose to view your situation. Anything can be looked upon in a positive light, if you choose to do so.
Quote of the Day: "Realizing that most is very close to all can provide a world of happiness, while looking at most as not enough can provide a world of misery. Perspective is everything!" ~ Candice Loper
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Right to Know
Good Morning Blogfam!
Relationships are bittersweet as they have the potential to give off feelings of confusion and uncertainty. Things will never be completely blissful in relationships because there will always be ups and downs. However, what I have found to cause the most conflict is when a person is unsure about their place in someones life. Typically those who question their place in someones life are the ones who are insecure in their abilities on a personal level. I recognize that there will always be some sort of insecurity that lives in all of us but when you're confident about who you are and what you bring to the table; it mitigates the risk of you questioning your worth to someone else.
When someone truly cares for you they will do whatever they need to do to make you know it, feel it, and embrace it. However, because we don't live in a perfect world there will always be those people who will never feel it no matter what you do. Those are the people who typically don't last in relationships and i'll tell you why. It's nearly impossible for a person to feel insecure on a personal level and possess the ability to feel secure with how the next person feels about them simultaneously. It's like feeling like you're worth a penny but believing someone when they tell you you're worth a million dollars. You have to feel it first!
There is a flip side to this as well. The people who are being questioned also have to be honest with themselves and the next person. I have witnessed many relationships unfold where one person knew all along that the other person was not the one for them. However, feelings of conditional obligation force them into a world of selfishness where they become accustomed to leading this person to believe that they truly do desire to be with them. This type of poisonous union normally leads to resentment and blame, which could all be avoided with an initial dose of truth regarding reality. You don't owe anyone an explanation regarding the decisions you make, unless your decision could ultimately affect someone else's destiny. Therefore, it's important to be cognizant of all parties involved.
Quote of the Day: "It stops being all about you as soon as you involve someone else." ~ Candice Loper
Relationships are bittersweet as they have the potential to give off feelings of confusion and uncertainty. Things will never be completely blissful in relationships because there will always be ups and downs. However, what I have found to cause the most conflict is when a person is unsure about their place in someones life. Typically those who question their place in someones life are the ones who are insecure in their abilities on a personal level. I recognize that there will always be some sort of insecurity that lives in all of us but when you're confident about who you are and what you bring to the table; it mitigates the risk of you questioning your worth to someone else.
When someone truly cares for you they will do whatever they need to do to make you know it, feel it, and embrace it. However, because we don't live in a perfect world there will always be those people who will never feel it no matter what you do. Those are the people who typically don't last in relationships and i'll tell you why. It's nearly impossible for a person to feel insecure on a personal level and possess the ability to feel secure with how the next person feels about them simultaneously. It's like feeling like you're worth a penny but believing someone when they tell you you're worth a million dollars. You have to feel it first!
There is a flip side to this as well. The people who are being questioned also have to be honest with themselves and the next person. I have witnessed many relationships unfold where one person knew all along that the other person was not the one for them. However, feelings of conditional obligation force them into a world of selfishness where they become accustomed to leading this person to believe that they truly do desire to be with them. This type of poisonous union normally leads to resentment and blame, which could all be avoided with an initial dose of truth regarding reality. You don't owe anyone an explanation regarding the decisions you make, unless your decision could ultimately affect someone else's destiny. Therefore, it's important to be cognizant of all parties involved.
Quote of the Day: "It stops being all about you as soon as you involve someone else." ~ Candice Loper
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Live your Life...Don't just Exist!
Good Afternoon Blogfam!
I've realized over the years that most people actually do understand right from wrong; however, you have that select few of people who choose stubbornness and denial over reality. I am sure we have all done things that we knew wouldn't bring us the best results but the lesson is in not repeating the cycle. The people who choose stubbornness are the ones who will make mistakes over and over again regardless of the consequences. While the people who actually embrace their reality will choose to recognize the lessons, do the right thing, and open up the door to well-deserved blessings.
Although i've been that person before who chose to do the wrong thing when I knew exactly what the right thing was, I have never been able to wrap my thoughts around why people do it. I think it's a slight form of selfishness; whereas people make decisions to be selfish to themselves. It seems as though people feel like when they do the worldly things they are "living" more than that of the person who chooses to do the right things. However, the sooner they realize that is not the case they may stop deliberately making life more difficult for themselves and focus on adhering to their reality. Ultimately, it's up to you to decipher between right and wrong and until you're able to do that effectively, life will always present unnecessary challenges and struggles. Which is why a goal of mines was to figure out the difference between what I consider right and wrong in my life, and try my best to stay away from what I have determined to be wrong. Therefore, as you can see it is all relative to you and how fair you are to your reality.
I have had many mental battles regarding the difference between living and existing. Some believe that there is a difference and I have come to believe this as well. We all exist in the universe simply because we are here. However, I believe that when you chose to live you are taking your existence a step further. When you live you have made a decision to embrace life and all that comes with it and you have made a decision to embrace your reality and actually do something with it. The people who truly choose to live are the ones who CHOOSE!
Quote of the Day: "Make a decision to go further than simply just existing. Live your life the best way you can so you can truly experience LIVING and all that comes with it." ~ Candice Loper
I've realized over the years that most people actually do understand right from wrong; however, you have that select few of people who choose stubbornness and denial over reality. I am sure we have all done things that we knew wouldn't bring us the best results but the lesson is in not repeating the cycle. The people who choose stubbornness are the ones who will make mistakes over and over again regardless of the consequences. While the people who actually embrace their reality will choose to recognize the lessons, do the right thing, and open up the door to well-deserved blessings.
Although i've been that person before who chose to do the wrong thing when I knew exactly what the right thing was, I have never been able to wrap my thoughts around why people do it. I think it's a slight form of selfishness; whereas people make decisions to be selfish to themselves. It seems as though people feel like when they do the worldly things they are "living" more than that of the person who chooses to do the right things. However, the sooner they realize that is not the case they may stop deliberately making life more difficult for themselves and focus on adhering to their reality. Ultimately, it's up to you to decipher between right and wrong and until you're able to do that effectively, life will always present unnecessary challenges and struggles. Which is why a goal of mines was to figure out the difference between what I consider right and wrong in my life, and try my best to stay away from what I have determined to be wrong. Therefore, as you can see it is all relative to you and how fair you are to your reality.
I have had many mental battles regarding the difference between living and existing. Some believe that there is a difference and I have come to believe this as well. We all exist in the universe simply because we are here. However, I believe that when you chose to live you are taking your existence a step further. When you live you have made a decision to embrace life and all that comes with it and you have made a decision to embrace your reality and actually do something with it. The people who truly choose to live are the ones who CHOOSE!
Quote of the Day: "Make a decision to go further than simply just existing. Live your life the best way you can so you can truly experience LIVING and all that comes with it." ~ Candice Loper
Monday, January 10, 2011
Be Enough for You!
Good Morning Blogfam!
I've been thinking a lot lately about dependency and happiness. I am finding that they go hand in hand in certain people's lives. Some people can't be happy without being dependent on another person or thing, which means they are operating off of conditional, superficial happiness. I don't think we realize how important it is to establish your own sense of happiness and then let everything else serve as a supplement to what you're currently maintaining.
I have been a single woman for quite some time now and I believe my success in my singleness is due to my ability to embrace it and see the benefits in it. Being single does not come easy for many people, especially women. I believe this is because most of their happiness is defined by having a man in their life and what value he may add to her. However, I have found that the people who look for someone to add value to them, don't feel comfortable or confident with the value that they place upon themselves. I have found that everything I was able to do in a relationship, I am still able to do as a single person. It bothers me slightly when people make it seem as if being single cripples or handicaps them in some way. Being single empowers me because I know that I can do anything on my own and still be genuinely happy with myself through all of the trials and tribulations I have to experience.
Some people tend to get overwhelmed with the thought of having to handle responsibilities on their own. However, that is the power of positive perspective because how we view our situation is normally how we will handle it. I've noticed that the people who depend on others for happiness are typically the same people who don't feel like they can do anything on their own. Therefore, when the time comes for them to lead a single, partner-free life they feel as if they can't possibly survive. I pray for people like this because to put so much power in another persons hand is quite damaging and will ultimately serve as their downfall.
Quote of the Day: "Trust yourself enough to be enough for yourself. It will provide you with a genuine level of personal satisfaction that you may never get a chance to experience otherwise." ~ Candice Loper
I've been thinking a lot lately about dependency and happiness. I am finding that they go hand in hand in certain people's lives. Some people can't be happy without being dependent on another person or thing, which means they are operating off of conditional, superficial happiness. I don't think we realize how important it is to establish your own sense of happiness and then let everything else serve as a supplement to what you're currently maintaining.
I have been a single woman for quite some time now and I believe my success in my singleness is due to my ability to embrace it and see the benefits in it. Being single does not come easy for many people, especially women. I believe this is because most of their happiness is defined by having a man in their life and what value he may add to her. However, I have found that the people who look for someone to add value to them, don't feel comfortable or confident with the value that they place upon themselves. I have found that everything I was able to do in a relationship, I am still able to do as a single person. It bothers me slightly when people make it seem as if being single cripples or handicaps them in some way. Being single empowers me because I know that I can do anything on my own and still be genuinely happy with myself through all of the trials and tribulations I have to experience.
Some people tend to get overwhelmed with the thought of having to handle responsibilities on their own. However, that is the power of positive perspective because how we view our situation is normally how we will handle it. I've noticed that the people who depend on others for happiness are typically the same people who don't feel like they can do anything on their own. Therefore, when the time comes for them to lead a single, partner-free life they feel as if they can't possibly survive. I pray for people like this because to put so much power in another persons hand is quite damaging and will ultimately serve as their downfall.
Quote of the Day: "Trust yourself enough to be enough for yourself. It will provide you with a genuine level of personal satisfaction that you may never get a chance to experience otherwise." ~ Candice Loper
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Man vs. Woman or Man = Woman - Take your pick!
Good Morning Blogfam!
Yesterday I read a post on Facebook that got me thinking. The post read:
"Ladies if you "act like or look like a man" he will treat you like one! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Our STRENGTH is found in what many misunderstand to be weakness ~ it's called feminine pulchritude!" ~ Vikki Kennedy Johnson
Firstly, I would like to say that I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. I do believe that as women a part of our responsibility is to recognize the male purpose in our relationships. However, this doesn't always come easily depending on the circumstances at hand. It seems as though the burden is placed on women to know their place and respect their mans right to be just that; a man. The difficulty comes from not knowing or establishing what the respective roles are in the relationship. Typically, people tend to think that the man should be responsible for taking out the trash, changing the oil on the car, teaching their sons how to be a man, etc. In contrast, people tend to think that women are responsible for cooking, cleaning, nurturing the children, etc. Basically, what i'm getting at is what may be the role of a man in one household may not necessarily be the same in another household. Therefore, it's important to establish what your expectations are from a gender standpoint so that no one's unclear on what their roles are.
Personally, I do believe that allowing a man the opportunity to be a man in my household may be slightly difficult whenever I get to that point. I say this because I am a strong woman who has had to be stronger than the average person due to everything I am and have been responsible for. My strength is not utilized to show men up or make them feel like less of a man, it's just necessary because I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and if I was weak there would be no way I could carry the load. I have had to perform the roles of woman/man/mother/father on a daily basis for majority of the last nine years, so eventually it just became a part of my being. It has given me the sole responsibility of making sure that everything is done when it should be. This reason alone will make it difficult for me because I am very impatient when it comes to waiting on others to do things. Also, because I have done just about everything by myself for so long, I have no clue as to what duties or tasks should be given to my man and which ones I should keep. I am sure that it won't be too hard to figure out with adequate communication, but it will be a challenge.
Quote of the Day: "Being submissive isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of impeccable strength. It shows you are optimistic enough to know that what you're giving has the ability to produce a viable return." ~ Candice Loper
Yesterday I read a post on Facebook that got me thinking. The post read:
"Ladies if you "act like or look like a man" he will treat you like one! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Our STRENGTH is found in what many misunderstand to be weakness ~ it's called feminine pulchritude!" ~ Vikki Kennedy Johnson
Firstly, I would like to say that I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. I do believe that as women a part of our responsibility is to recognize the male purpose in our relationships. However, this doesn't always come easily depending on the circumstances at hand. It seems as though the burden is placed on women to know their place and respect their mans right to be just that; a man. The difficulty comes from not knowing or establishing what the respective roles are in the relationship. Typically, people tend to think that the man should be responsible for taking out the trash, changing the oil on the car, teaching their sons how to be a man, etc. In contrast, people tend to think that women are responsible for cooking, cleaning, nurturing the children, etc. Basically, what i'm getting at is what may be the role of a man in one household may not necessarily be the same in another household. Therefore, it's important to establish what your expectations are from a gender standpoint so that no one's unclear on what their roles are.
Personally, I do believe that allowing a man the opportunity to be a man in my household may be slightly difficult whenever I get to that point. I say this because I am a strong woman who has had to be stronger than the average person due to everything I am and have been responsible for. My strength is not utilized to show men up or make them feel like less of a man, it's just necessary because I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and if I was weak there would be no way I could carry the load. I have had to perform the roles of woman/man/mother/father on a daily basis for majority of the last nine years, so eventually it just became a part of my being. It has given me the sole responsibility of making sure that everything is done when it should be. This reason alone will make it difficult for me because I am very impatient when it comes to waiting on others to do things. Also, because I have done just about everything by myself for so long, I have no clue as to what duties or tasks should be given to my man and which ones I should keep. I am sure that it won't be too hard to figure out with adequate communication, but it will be a challenge.
Quote of the Day: "Being submissive isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of impeccable strength. It shows you are optimistic enough to know that what you're giving has the ability to produce a viable return." ~ Candice Loper
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