Good Morning Blogfam!
Denial is such an ugly word! It's that word that prevents people from being in touch with who they are and where they're at in life. It's that word that forces people to believe that what is isn't. It's that word that makes people believe that what can't be will be. I say it's an ugly word because it allows people to live based on false realities just so they can make themselves feel good.
There are many levels to denial; you have people who don't want to hear anything REAL that others have to say because they have convinced themselves that their way is the only way. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up on us and biting us in the ass. I get it! Everyone won't always be ready but let's face it, the most defining moments in life happen when you're not expecting it. However, being in denial about situations will not negate the fact that they are taking place. Which is why the sooner you realize what's real and accept it, the sooner you can embrace it if you love it or change it if you don't.
Living in denial is the equivalent of living in a constant fantasy but you have to realize that one day you will have to wake up. You have to be accountable for your circumstances because you have control of your present which ultimately will lead to your future. If you're so adamant about what you want that you're willing to be in denial to satisfy that, than you should try to find the strength to be honest with yourself to make that reality come true.
CandyNote: Don't deny your reality to affirm your fantasy.
Candy Girl
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
You Don't Like? Change It!
Good Morning Blogfam!
It seems that one of the hardest things for some people to do is realize that change is occurring, accept it as such, or initiate it. I have known many people (myself included) who were in unhealthy relationships but found it extremely difficult to leave. Consequently what ends up happening is they find themselves semi-functioning in a dysfunctional relationship. I've been in a situation before where I felt like I didn't have the strength, courage, or will to leave and at that time I couldn't really figure out why. One thing I know for sure is when you're in a bad situation you will make all kinds of excuses to validate why you make certain decisions. To name a few: I love him/her, I can't survive on my own, it will get better, etc. In hindsight, the only real reason I could come up with is that I became mentally unstable due to the instability of the situation overpowering any possibility of my common sense or self-worth.
I say common sense because deciding whether or not to stay in an unhealthy situation should be a no-brainer, right? Well it's not always that simple because your thought process changes right along with the situation. Some people are so hopeful for a particular outcome that they will convince themselves that the longer they stay and the more they give will eventually satisfy their expectations. This is when the mental instability begins because chances are you aren't really seeing the situation for what it is, you're seeing it for what you hope for it to be.
I feel that people give relationships and the people in them more power than they really should have. If you find that you're arguing more than you're hugging and kissing, you're apart more than you're together, or you just don't have any substance to your conversations than it's probably time to make some changes. I've known many people who knew a person was unhappy with them but chose to place the ball in their court and say "why won't he/she just leave if they're so unhappy." Here's my issue with that statement: If you know a person is unhappy with you than CHANGE it for yourself. Why give a person that much power to hurt you and leave you? That's like a double whammy especially since at the end of the day you are the one who is left there unhappy and alone.
CandyNote:
It seems that one of the hardest things for some people to do is realize that change is occurring, accept it as such, or initiate it. I have known many people (myself included) who were in unhealthy relationships but found it extremely difficult to leave. Consequently what ends up happening is they find themselves semi-functioning in a dysfunctional relationship. I've been in a situation before where I felt like I didn't have the strength, courage, or will to leave and at that time I couldn't really figure out why. One thing I know for sure is when you're in a bad situation you will make all kinds of excuses to validate why you make certain decisions. To name a few: I love him/her, I can't survive on my own, it will get better, etc. In hindsight, the only real reason I could come up with is that I became mentally unstable due to the instability of the situation overpowering any possibility of my common sense or self-worth.
I say common sense because deciding whether or not to stay in an unhealthy situation should be a no-brainer, right? Well it's not always that simple because your thought process changes right along with the situation. Some people are so hopeful for a particular outcome that they will convince themselves that the longer they stay and the more they give will eventually satisfy their expectations. This is when the mental instability begins because chances are you aren't really seeing the situation for what it is, you're seeing it for what you hope for it to be.
I feel that people give relationships and the people in them more power than they really should have. If you find that you're arguing more than you're hugging and kissing, you're apart more than you're together, or you just don't have any substance to your conversations than it's probably time to make some changes. I've known many people who knew a person was unhappy with them but chose to place the ball in their court and say "why won't he/she just leave if they're so unhappy." Here's my issue with that statement: If you know a person is unhappy with you than CHANGE it for yourself. Why give a person that much power to hurt you and leave you? That's like a double whammy especially since at the end of the day you are the one who is left there unhappy and alone.
CandyNote:
Friday, September 2, 2011
Something New from Something Blue
Good Morning Blogfam!
Relationships have the potential to be the best thing you've ever experienced or the worst time of your entire life. I've found that how much you give a relationship is how much you will get in return. It seems like in bad relationships there is always one person of the two who is giving it everything they have and having everything sucked out of them in return. Remaining in a bad relationship when you know you deserve better is not what drives people insane; coping with the mental anguish that comes with that is what makes people crazy. Eventually you get to a point where all you know in life is this situation that has completely consumed every part of you and you really can't picture life without the dysfunctionality.
I am sure majority of us have endured our share of not-so-great relationships. Being in them is not the hard part for a lot of people; leaving them and trying to figure out how to move forward seems to be a major struggle. I was talking to a friend of mines and this is the bit of advice I gave her: Change will always present a certain level of discomfort whether it be a change for good or bad. You can't expect for a situation to change but everything in your life to remain the same. Things are going to change and it's going to take some re-adjusting but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. On a personal level, when I finally moved on from a bad situation I was nearly stripped of everything; at the time it seemed like the worse situation that I could ever be in but in hindsight I was able to see that that needed to happen because it was the beginning to my fresh start.
CandyNote: If things get a little old and spoiled, there is always something fresh and brand new lying in wait. Don't be afraid to take the necessary steps to get it.
Relationships have the potential to be the best thing you've ever experienced or the worst time of your entire life. I've found that how much you give a relationship is how much you will get in return. It seems like in bad relationships there is always one person of the two who is giving it everything they have and having everything sucked out of them in return. Remaining in a bad relationship when you know you deserve better is not what drives people insane; coping with the mental anguish that comes with that is what makes people crazy. Eventually you get to a point where all you know in life is this situation that has completely consumed every part of you and you really can't picture life without the dysfunctionality.
I am sure majority of us have endured our share of not-so-great relationships. Being in them is not the hard part for a lot of people; leaving them and trying to figure out how to move forward seems to be a major struggle. I was talking to a friend of mines and this is the bit of advice I gave her: Change will always present a certain level of discomfort whether it be a change for good or bad. You can't expect for a situation to change but everything in your life to remain the same. Things are going to change and it's going to take some re-adjusting but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. On a personal level, when I finally moved on from a bad situation I was nearly stripped of everything; at the time it seemed like the worse situation that I could ever be in but in hindsight I was able to see that that needed to happen because it was the beginning to my fresh start.
CandyNote: If things get a little old and spoiled, there is always something fresh and brand new lying in wait. Don't be afraid to take the necessary steps to get it.
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