Want to lead a peaceful existence??

I am going to share with you my thoughts on several areas in life that I feel are required to help us lead a peaceful existence as well as some of the reasons that people don’t.

The first area I would like to speak on is Perspective!  Years ago I found myself constantly complaining about my circumstances and always asking “why me?”…”what did I do to deserve this?”  However, when there never seemed like a clear answer was available I began to change my perspective.  That is when I realized that I can continue to feel like the victim or I can be appreciative of the fact that God has trusted me enough to be responsible for the livelihood of 3 other people.  He felt as though I was smart enough and strong enough to increase the value of the world through myself and my children.  So with that newfound perspective it motivated me to be the best person I could be with everything I have been given and worked so hard for.  Ever since then…I have slowly but surely realized my purpose.   I had to let go of who I thought I was in order to find out who I was supposed to be.  I had to realize that letting go is not the end of the world....it could very well be my start to a new life in the existing world.  And you know what..praise God it has worked pretty well so far.  I feel that its important for us to understand the power of perspective…those who look at situations from a negative perspective will never seek the satisfaction in life that they are entitled to.  We are ALL entitled to and deserve happiness…because happiness is self-attained.  Its nothing that anyone else is responsible for providing to us.  Which is why I feel that “if you change your thoughts…you’ll see a change in results.  As no one has ever prospered by being pessimistic.”   There will always be problems, its your outlook, perception and ability to deal with those problems that determines your true strength and character. 

 The next area that I believe is very important is Accountability.  We have all had moments of wanting to blame others so we don’t feel convicted or because we’re in denial about the part we played.  We’ve all had moments where we made excuses hoping it would negate the fact that we just weren’t capable of delivering what we said we would.  Whether it be showing up on time or showing up at all.  Either way it goes at the end of the day…because we are in complete control of ourselves…its not somethings fault its your fault.  There is no harm in accepting it just be willing to correct it.  The problem is people have a hard time admitting to their flaws, therefore they always need a scapegoat.  However, if they were to look at each situation as a learning experience it would probably motivate them to do the right thing the next time around.  I feel that if you make an excuse you’re not recognizing the learning opportunity there… which means the chances of it happening again is much more likely. 

Which brings me to love and relationships.  I am not married nor am I in a relationship right now.  However, I have had many relationships over the years that have taken me through a lot and also taught me a whole lot. I have tolerated things that no woman should…and when I looked back on it…the only thing I could say was “I loved him or I thought he cared about me”.  But when I reflected on some of those situations I finally realized that if someone loves and cares about you they won’t do anything to intentionally cause you any pain.  However, if I loved and cared about myself as I should have….I wouldn’t have involved myself in any situation that I KNEW was causing me pain.  So as you can see…we can blame another person for our pain but we can also hold ourselves accountable and just focus on mitigating the risk of it happening again.  You are in control of YOUR destiny!!!  If you don’t like something…change it.   I know its easier said than done but I have seen far too many women waste massive amounts of time on unhealthy relationships.  I’ve seen women lose faith in the possibility of a healthy relationship or a good man. Then the feeling of failure and lack of patience in the process of restoring faith is what normally draws them right back to an unhealthy relationship.  They tend to find themselves on a constant merry-go-round and you want to know why??  Normally its because they either don’t know what they want, they compromise what they want JUST to be with someone, they have a false perception of love or they haven’t identified their worth.  Its no secret that women have a history of loving hard and putting all of their emotions on the table.  However, not everyone can handle what comes with that.  Because we love so hard…we tend to use love as a scapegoat for staying in unhealthy relationships.  I feel that love gets blamed for way too much.  “Love is a feeling…not a reason so we have to stop blaming it for our shortcomings or weaknesses.”  Love didn’t make you stay with that man, love didn’t make you sleep with that man, love didn’t make you have children with that man….YOU chose to do all of those things.  Also, I’m sure we all know that with unhealthy relationships there can be a lot of pain, uncertainty and anguish involved so I always try to provide uplifting words to others to help them get through it.  Everyone handles pain in their own way and in their own time. One thing I have come to realize is for the most part pain is temporary. It doesn’t last forever.  So don't be afraid to make certain decisions because you fear that you may be in pain.... The sooner you make the decision and start the hurting and healing process, the sooner it will be over with.  My analogy on unhealthy relationships is: A bad relationship is like a broke down automobile. You might get it to start up again but chances are depending on how severe the complications are more problems will persist and you will continue to break down. Eventually you will get to a point where you have decide if you want to continue to put more work and time into it or just junk it and go get something new.  And just because a relationship goes south…it doesn’t mean you weren’t a good person and it doesn’t mean that your partner wasn’t a good person.  People can be great individually and a disaster collectively. 

The ability to recognize your worth is also important.   Recognizing your self-worth means you don’t feel the need to be validated by anyone else.  Which is why I feel that if you allow yourself to be validated by others you are relying on them to determine your worth.  If you know your worth first...then everything else will simply serve as confirmation of what you already know to be true because it all starts with you.  I don’t think people realize that when you seek validation you are putting yourself out there to be misguided. If you can't do anything in life without someone patting you on the back...then you may need to work on improving your self-actualization.  We must realize that there will only be one of each of us.  There will be many replicas but what makes us unique is our ability to be ourselves.  What works for one may not work for another which is why it is very important to do what YOU know to be right.  There is no need to borrow others views when you already own yours!

All in all, I feel that in order to be the best person you can be in addition to having God in your life…there are many factors involved in achieving that.  To name a few…accountability, responsibility, a positive perspective, a sense of purpose, and most importantly the DESIRE to want to be the best you can be.  So since I would like to make a difference in the world and in the lives of those directly or indirectly close to me….I have started with myself and now I’m working my way outwards.  Because I'm a firm believer that what you put out in the universe...you get back in some way, shape, or form.  So even if it is seeing someone else benefit from what I have said that works for me.  

Time is infinite and while we’re here on this Earth it is definite.  There are no breaks or timeouts.  Therefore utilize it to the best of your ability because it is the ONLY thing besides opportunity that its okay to take advantage of!