Temporary Solutions won't provide Permanent Resolutions

Good Morning Blogfam!

Giving up something or someone that you've been accustomed to for a long time can be very difficult.  No matter how good or bad for you it may be, the hardest thing to get used to is not having it as a part of your life anymore.  It is human nature to become comfortable in situations no matter what the circumstances are.  You may know someone who is being abused and might not be able to understand why they can't just leave the situation.  Although they are in a horrible situation they have become accustomed to the behavior which has taken a mental toll on them, so it's not easy to just walk away from it.

I told a friend recently that when we give up habits, it's natural to try and replace or substitute the emotions and/or physical comfort with something else.  One thing that I have found to be severely pertinent is NOT to use something temporary as a permanent replacement.  What i'm trying to say is, say for instance your relationship ends and you are having a hard time getting over it.  As unrealistic as it sounds, the best thing you can do for yourself is to find peace and resolution within and reflect on the situation.  When one of my previous relationships ended, I was forced to be by myself so I found healing in partying.  Well here is the problem; once I got tired of partying, although it was several months after the breakup, I was now forced to deal with it.  So initially I used a temporary solution of partying as a permanent resolution to my pain.

Along this journey of life it is not going to be easy but many of the experiences, whether they be good or bad will certainly be worth it.  There have been many situations that I have been faced with when happening in real time was looked upon as such a major roadblock.  However, once I waited for the smoke to clear, got past it, and was able to see difference it made in my life; it motivated me to refrain from trying to substitute pain and deal with it so I could remove it completely.

Quote of the Day: "Pain is temporary but being afraid to deal with it has the potential to cause it to be permanent." ~ Candice Loper
 

Perspective Determines Your Perception of Pride

Good Morning Blogfam!

Myself and a friend were having a very deep conversation and came across a topic that we shared different views on.  We began talking about PRIDE!  What exactly is pride and can being too sensitive towards it hinder your opportunities, stability, or peace of mind?  Pride is defined as "a sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect".  The thing about pride is we all have it but how we feel towards it can vary from person to person.  Even the most confident of people have moments where they question parts of their being so it's not a matter of strength or weakness; it's a matter of comfort in oneself.

The typical situation where people feel like their pride is in jeopardy is when they have to ask someone for something.  This is where it becomes situational and sensitive depending on the individual involved.  Typically, the person who has issues regarding their pride is the person who feels like they can do everything on their own and they don't need anyone for anything.  So when a situation presents itself where support or assistance is required, they let their pride keep them from asking for help.  Personally, it takes a lot for me to feel as if my pride is threatened because I am very comfortable with myself and my independence.  So when I have to ask for help, I know it's because I need it and that doesn't affect my pride whatsoever.  I'll tell you what it does; it makes me feel proud that I have the courage to ask.  This is why I believe that your perspective determines your perception regarding pride.  

Quote of the Day:  "When others recognize your efforts, your pride should never be tested because if they help you out it's because they have respect for YOU." ~ Candice Loper 

Realize Your Impact

Good Morning Blogfam!


Speaking, talking, informing, advising, suggesting, and numerous other words describe the many types of conversations that we have.  What I have come to realize is that some people don't realize the effects of their words and how they are perceived by others.  There are some people who will hear everything you say and they will take it with them wherever they go, than you have others who hear nothing at all.  It's important to understand your audience and how they perceive information as an individual.


I used to be that type of person that would always respond affirmatively mainly because I didn't have the courage to say what was really on my mind.  However, I realized that telling someone what they want to hear is an indirect form of misleading them.  Because ultimately they would actually look forward to everything I was telling them, although I knew the whole time that it wouldn't happen.  It's just easier to say what you mean and mean what you say up front, regardless of what a person wants to hear.  Clearly, it would be best to be tactful in your response as i'm sure no one wants to hurt someone's feelings intentionally.  This is important when trying to maintain fruitful relationships.


Words can help just as words can hurt, which is why it's important to utilize them properly.  I have had relationships with people who enjoyed saying hurtful things, but when I looked at the situation in hindsight and was able to evaluate and analyze their life path, I realized their infliction of pain unto others was because that was an outlet due to their own personal pain.  If you know someone like this, the best bit of advice I could give is don't give them satisfaction of seeing you hurt.  If you can't get through to them, don't be afraid to let them go because at least you get to hold on to your dignity and self-respect while they're busy harassing the next person.


Quote of the Day: "Everything you say has the possibility of remembrance." ~ Candice Loper       

  

True Passion Provides Eventually

Good Afternoon Blogfam,

I find it extremely important to recognize that it takes patience, determination, and sheer passion to perfect a craft.  Even if it is something that you are interested in, it doesn't mean that you will be great at it or know how to make it work for you.  I just heard today that it takes 10,000 hours to become good at something, which is a little more than a year.  However, who really has a year straight to work on something when you're trying to live life simultaneously.  So I pondered on that for a second and it made perfect sense.  I know many people who began working on their craft at an early age and it took majority of their lives to finally see the fruits of their labor.  Why?  Because they never gave up and always made time for it!

For example, I have a cousin who has always been talented in many forms of Art; from writing and speaking poetry, rapping, singing, to dancing.  She always had the determination and sheer passion, but not always the patience to develop a plan to make it work for her.  So now after a lifetime of having the passion she has finally realized how to perfect her craft and make it work for her.  Of course most people in the entertainment industry want to get major paid and be a world renowned figure but sometimes you have to find solace in something on a smaller scale and be confident that it will grow into something large.  That's what she's done and now her name rings bells which means she's well on her way.

I used to be that person that wanted instant gratification from anything that I "thought" I was interested in.  Before actually thinking about the craft or skill, I would think about the financial aspect of it like "What can I do that will make me a whole lot of money?"  However, eventually I came to realize that I was horrible at everything I thought of and had no genuine interest in it whatsoever.  Now I find peace and solace in writing on my blog and motivating others; it doesn't provide a financial benefit YET but at least i'm doing something I love and it does have the potential to satisfy me financially.

Quote of the Day: "When your passion is your primary focus, all the superficial desires become secondary." ~ Candice Loper   

Life is a Journey!

Good Morning Blogfam!

For those who are blessed, life will be the longest experience in your entire life and for those who are even more blessed; it will be a long and FULFILLING experience.  In order to fully appreciate your path you have to live beyond the moments and situations and appreciate what lies ahead in the future.  There are many people who question themselves, God, and others when things don’t happen in the time frame they had hoped for.  See that’s when selfishness and impatience takes over the steering wheel in the car of destiny.  Just because things don’t happen when you want them to doesn’t mean it’s not in the plan for it to happen, it’s just going to happen when God feels like you’re ready to receive it and appreciate it.  Many experiences that we encounter in life are blessings in disguise, therefore if you’re not able to see beyond the disguise and recognize how blessed you are to be walking in your skin; it means you’re not quite ready for it yet.  Therefore, if you constantly find yourself not getting what you want out of life, you may very well need to change your perspective and start appreciating what you do have so you can make room for what you don’t have or aren’t receiving.  You have to be ready and able to handle the abundance!! I f you can’t fully appreciate the small things that you may not see as a blessing, how in the world are you going to be able to handle the big things?   

This is why it’s very important for everyone to realize that life is a JOURNEY, it is not a trip!  I will say that again…life is a JOURNEY, it is not a trip!  When you’re on a journey there is no end in sight, as far as you’re concerned you could continue on until your time has run out.  Journeys are exciting, fulfilling, educational, experimental, and even emotional.  When you recognize that your life is a journey that’s when you’re able to appreciate your hardships, shortcomings, areas of opportunity, and improve them to enhance your experience at the next destination.  Please note that I used the term DESTINATION!  Along your very long journey, you will go from destination to destination never to return home for good but just to make a pit stop until it’s time to go to the next destination.  Now don’t get me wrong, your journey will not simply consist of tropical getaways and treks through the rainforest…part of your journey includes most of the things that you do right at home…it’s all about what you take from every experience you are faced with.  There will be times when the person that you are today may not be who you want to be or are supposed to be, therefore, that journey from oneself today to oneself in the future is just one example of a foreseeable destination within your journey.  The destination to SELF!!  For those with a different perspective and look at life as a trip, they will always be looking and waiting for the end of every situation or experience they encounter.  They won’t have the ability to practice patience and foresee the long term benefit of what they are experiencing in their present, whether it is good or bad.  If you take notice, trips tend to be short getaways that help you to escape reality but one thing for sure….you will always have to come right back and face everything you’re temporarily getting away from.  Once you have the ability to incorporate your present reality into your dreams, imagination, passions, and desires that is a direct sign that your perspective is changing and you’re finally starting to leave the small trips to the escapees and you’re ready to join “Team Journey” because they don’t run from it…they run WITH it!   Why is it that I say you’re ready now?  Because now you are able to appreciate the fact that the end is not near and if you’re lucky you won’t ever see an end…you will just see constant new beginnings.    

Quote of the Day: "If you're always looking forward to the end, you don't deserve any new beginnings!" ~ Candice Loper

Make Them Sweat!

Good Morning Blogfam!


Have you ever been faced with trying to get someone back or someone trying to get you back?  Well I definitely have and let me tell you, it took me a long time to realize what it takes for a person to succeed in those efforts.  There are people who aren't necessarily good at making a person "sweat", which in turn makes them give in easily with very little repercussions or restrictions.  However, when someone does something to hurt you, the future of your relationship (if any) relies on them feeling a major sense of regret.  Therefore, if you accept them back without them experiencing that feeling, chances are the same issues will arise again.


Some people, typically women, simply don't have the ability to be patient and allow time to pass for the person to realize the affect of their actions.  It's important to realize that if a person genuinely cares for you and loves you, they will respect your emotions and allow you time to get past it or not.  If being with you is what they really want, they will go the extra mile to make sure you know that.  However, I think it's especially important to not take advantage of a person due to their regrets.  Go ahead and make them "sweat" just so they can understand that it's not so easy to just mess up and get right back in where you used to fit in.  But you have to know when it's time to call a truce, forgive them, lay your expectations on the line, and let them know what the ramifications will be if they're not met.


The last piece to this is knowing when to be honest when you know you don't want anything to do with a person.  I believe this is where greed, selfishness, and taking advantage of another person comes in to play.  If someone hurts you, tries their hardest to win you back, and you don't tell them that you're no longer interested; now you're taking advantage of them.  I know the gifts can be tempting and it can be flattering to your ego to have someone basically begging and pleading to have you back but in the end it's best for both people if you can just address it and move forward with your life.  At the end of the day, the material things aren't worth your self-respect and dignity.  If someone hurts you to the point of you not wanting to deal with them anymore, then why would they be worth dealing with on any level just for a few gifts?  That's when you have to put things into perspective.


Quote of the Day: "In order for someone to empathize with you, you have to make sure they feel the same pain you feel." ~ Candice Loper

Patience is Your Greatest Ally

Good Morning Blogfam!


I used to be the type of person to look for instant gratification but that's not always possible.  So when I allowed time to pass I was able to see that bad situations eventually become good situations, especially when you strive to make them that way.  I have been that person before that felt like every day was the end of the world just because my situation wasn't what I wanted it to be, at that time!  So that's when I thought to myself: Candice, you are being selfish and impatient.  It was unfair of me to expect everything to happen and turn around when I wanted it to because at the end of the day God has a plan for me.


There was a time when I felt like I knew exactly who I was and for the most part, I liked that person.  She was fun, fearless, beautiful, outgoing, and driven (amongst other things).  Then I went through a major life change that affected my spirit beneath the surface, and at times on the surface.  I had many moments of feeling like I was less of a person, like I had lost myself completely to never find her again, and that there was no light at the end of the tunnel.  Over the past 3 years I've had to endure many struggles mentally, physically, and emotionally.  You have those days where you feel like you don't want to get out of the bed because you just don't have it in you to fight the battle of life.  You have those days where you feel like you look like a piece of crap and there is nothing you can do to beautify yourself.  You have those days where you break down and burst into tears for no apparent reason.  My point is, you will have those days but each day that you have that day it just serves as proof that you're blessed because you've been given another day to go through it and get through it. 


So now I have finally gotten to the point of feeling like I am the person I used to be, just a new and improved version.  The benefit of going through personal struggles is when you get to the point of overcoming them, it will be a priority in your life to make sure you do what you have to do to not go through it again.  You are one of your most valuable possessions, so when you lose it and find it, you will make sure you hold on to it really tightly.  Just as you have expectations of others, you should also have expectations of yourself because if you can put the burden and pressure on someone else to not let you down, you should put that same burden and pressure on yourself for yourself.


Quote of the Day: "Patience is the greatest catapult for satisfied expectations" ~ Candice Loper

Don't let your reasons become excuses

Good Morning Blogfam!!


How many times have you heard the same person use the same excuse time and time again?  Well i'm raising my hand because I certainly have.  Not only have I heard it from others, i've also done it myself.  Excuses are a collection of words that people use to try and validate why they do or don't do certain things.  However, many don't realize that there is a limit to how many times you can use the same excuse for the same inconsistency.


How about when people make excuses for you that you don't even make for yourself? (LOL)  I'm sure we've all had moments of having someone over your house and you have to give them the famous disclosure when they enter: "Please excuse the mess".  For some reason because I have kids people tend to say Oh it's okay you have three kids.  So I thought to myself if having kids is a reason to not have a clean home at all times?  Or is it an excuse?  It could very well be a reason but if it continues to happen, that's when it transforms into an excuse.  I will have kids in my home for at least the next 14 years so instead of using that as an excuse, I could just develop a plan that works for me and my family to keep my house clean at all times.  It's really not rocket science.


Whenever someone gives me an excuse about why they behave certain ways I always ask the question: So what are you doing to work on or change that?  When you can take the time to make an excuse for something than that means you recognize that something is wrong, which in turn means you should know what you need to do to correct it.  When you have integrity you will take time to constantly improve yourself, you won't allow something so weak as excuses to be your scapegoat.


Quote of the Day: "Use your reasons as a catapult for improvement so you don't have to subject everyone to your excuses." ~ Candice Loper

Don't be labeled with "Baby Mama" or "Baby Daddy"!

Good Morning Blogfam!


So I have been told that I am not like most females, I am inclined to agree and that's not at all a bad thing in my opinion.  I am a woman, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a confidant but one thing i'm not is a "baby mama".  I put the term "baby mama" in quotes because they are definitely in a class of their own.  If you notice baby mamas are always referred to with a negative connotation.  Why is this??  Well the episode of The Game last night and things I have witnessed firsthand explain just why this is the case.


In most cases the two parents have had some sort of relationship in the past, hence creating a beautiful life/lives together.  It seems to me that the baby mamas have a hard time moving on from the fact that they're not with their childs father anymore, and feel slighted somehow because they beared his child but didn't end up with him.  This is the chance that you take when you have children out of wedlock, not that being married completely eliminates that possibility of being a single parent someday.  Many baby mamas wouldn't want to admit it but too often they use the children as pawns, but too often so does the father.  I am sure many of us know men who have claimed to have to do certain things out of the norm, so they can "see their child" or avoid having to be taken to court to pay child support.  That is just a scapegoat to continue on with whatever their motive is for carrying on a relationship, regardless of the specifics, with their baby mama.


Women are more emotional creatures and have a harder time moving on, so men need to stop leading them on when they know their intentions are not aligned with hers.  I feel sympathy for the women who have a hard time realizing that their children are just an excuse for the immature father to stake his claim in her life.  Just as I feel sympathy for the men who are weak enough to fall for the antics of the women who just can't move on.  I don't feel sorry for the immature man who uses his baby mamas weakness to his advantage to control the situation, vice versa.  Everyone deserves their right to move on and be happy, especially if you aren't willing to give them your all; baby mama, baby daddy, or not.


Quote of the Day: "When you're genuinely concerned for your childrens well being, you will make sure their mother/father is happy so that it may be reflected unto the child." ~ Candice Loper

There are no winners in the Blame Game!

Good Morning Blogfam!


In the game of blame there really aren’t any winners. When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would, the best thing to do is ask yourself “What went wrong?” However, people don’t normally ask themselves that question, reflect on the situation, and receive their lesson. Instead, the initial thought is to place the blame on someone else so you don’t have to feel convicted on a personal level. I have found that when people do this, they aren’t allowing themselves the opportunity to see their own area of improvement.


I am sure many of us have had relationships that didn’t work out the way we may have envisioned them to. That’s where some people tend to let their bitterness or animosities towards the other person blind them from seeing the complete reality of the situation. I have been that bitter person before,and thought I could do no wrong and that everything was the other persons fault. However, looking at many situations in hindsight, I was able to realize that blame is a two person game. The entire relationship wasn’t the responsibility of one person, so how can the burden of the separation rest solely on one person? We can easily say things like “He/She cheated on me numerous times, so that’s why the relationship ended.” But if more people decided to look at situations from a different perspective it will provide a sense of clarity and understanding that they wouldn’t normally have. Instead of blaming your partner for lost time due to their cheating ways, you could hold yourself accountable and say, "If I would have ended it when I found out the first time then maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much time."  As you can see, there isn’t just one perspective to any given situation, and the road you take will ultimately determine your outlook and ability to accept things for what they are.


When you choose to focus on being accountable for your actions, it gives you the ability to move forward, forgive, and relinquish the next person from any responsibility for your pain. I have learned that when you spend so much time blaming someone and being bitter, it takes away a certain level of peace that you have within yourself. If you don’t move forward with peace, then you will be sure to take frustration, upset, and worry into your next relationship.


Quote of the Day: “You are in complete control of your circumstances and what you allow someone to do to you or take you through, so don't blame someone else after YOU'VE dealt with it for too long.” ~ Candice Loper

Is it easier said than done?

Happy February Blogfam!!


I've been finding myself repeating this one particular saying very often lately: "I know it's easier said than done".  I am finding that I only say this people I am conversing with who I don't feel have the ability to do it, so I guess it's my way of making them feel comfortable within their inabilities.  I am not claiming to be perfect or have it all figured out but one thing I do know is, I won't advise or offer my opinion on anything that I haven't experienced first hand.  I have found that doing it is not the hard part, it gets difficult when it's time to cope with it and that's what people can't handle.


I'm sure we've all known people who were really good talkers and would always have some sort of suggestion or advice as to how they think you should handle a situation.  However, I have always been one to appreciate advice from those who have lived it and had the strength to cope with it.  I have been through the ringer and back in life due to personal mistakes, bad judgment calls, weakness, immaturity, stupidity, and the list could go on and on.  However, I learned from those experiences and it has helped shape me into the person I am today.  Now while I realize that everyone will ultimately travel down their own path regardless of advice, opinions, and wisdom from others, I believe it definitely has a significant impact when they know that a person has endured and overcome what they're advising unto them.


I think that people get confused between giving their opinion and advising someone as to what to do.  First of all, when you're speaking to an adult all you can really do is give your opinion or tell someone what you experienced because at the end of the day they will do what they want to do anyway.  However, I find it easier to offer my opinion based on facts not speculation because then I can say "When I went through it....I did" but it doesn't really go over well if you're coming from the angle of "If it were me... I would".  No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you because it's not you and everyone knows when you're in a situation you might think about handling it one way and ultimately end up handling it a totally different way.  So I agree that no one knows what it's like until they've been through it, so if you're talking to or consulting with someone that you respect who has been through what you're going through, take heed to it. 


Quote of the Day: "No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you, they really want to know what you did when it was you!" ~ Candice Loper

Men, Women, Dating & Committment

Good Morning Blogfam!


It seems to me that people like to make excuses to validate why they make certain decisions.  I had a conversation yesterday about why men feel they have a hard time choosing one woman to settle down with.  There are many men who have a hard time making a decision because they have too many options.  Contrary to popular beliefs there is a such thing as too many options, especially for those who can never be truly satisfied.  So that is when the excuses begin because they need to blame their lack of commitment on something (even if that something is really nothing).


I believe that men tend to leave majority of the pressure and responsibility on a woman to specify what she wants.  Therefore, letting him off the hook from having to set some standards and actually personally enforce them.  If you ever notice, it's normally women who say things like I want a man who... and I want a man that... and I don't want a man that...  Now don't get my wrong, i'm not saying that men don't have standards because i'm sure they do, however the ones who are indecisive won't make their standards known because they have a tendency to change quite often.  The thing about standards is they do have the ability to change because your initial standards may not always produce the best results. 


The only thing that people (not just men) have to realize is that when you're dating someone, it is extremely important to be as honest and forthcoming with your feelings as possible.  There will be situations where you could unintentionally mislead someone into thinking that you want one thing when you know in your heart that you really want another thing.  I encourage everyone to be as honest as you possibly can while dating because that will be your most opportune time to do so.  How you behave while dating is a direct indication of how you will behave in a relationship.  If you make a date with someone and cancel at the last minute, that could be an indication to the person you're dating that you may be unreliable.  If your support if needed and you're not able to come through, that could be an indication that you're selfish or uncaring.  My point is, you have to be aware of your behavior at all times because your first impression is the lasting one.


Quote of the Day: "Your first impression could be your last if you're not clear on who you are or what you want." ~ Candice Loper 

Lies, Truth & Gossip

Good Morning Blogfam!!


I want to thank my sister (Shirl Green) for providing me with my motivation for my entry today.  In relationships we will all experience some level of deception, truth, and gossip as that is the world we live in.  There is always that person that feels like they know something and feels like it's their responsibility to inform the next person.  Your perspective will determine how you view the information received; you will either see it as gossip or you will see it as fact.  I have come to realize that who you're receiving the information from will make a difference as well. You know who has your best interest in mind just as you know who has the potential to be in the business of stirring up trouble.  Therefore, it is important to recognize your resources!


Personally, as long as a person has not given me a reason to believe they are a liar, I will trust them. There is no benefit of the doubt with me because if I have doubts at the end of the day when/if the truth does come out to confirm my doubt there is no benefit there, only pain and frustration. Also, many people have a problem deciphering between what's a truth and what's a lie due to denial.  Deep down they know that what they're being told is a lie but because they are in denial they choose to believe whatever truths they want to.  I have said before that you can't create your own sense of the truth.  I mean you can, but in the end it won't benefit you whatsoever.  Over the years I have realized that you may not find out the truth immediately but everything comes out eventually, if you're patient enough to wait for it.  However, if it is something that is eating at your gut like a parasite, then chances are you already know the truth, you're just waiting for some type of unnecessary confirmation. 


The people that fall victim to gossip are typically the people who don't have a mind of their own or the people who have been dishonest themselves.  It's almost like a sigh of relief to hear that their partner did something because now they feel like they're off the hook.  That right there is a sign of immaturity and unaccountability because you find peace in passing the guilt you're carrying from your misconceptions on to the next person through their potential misconceptions.  


Quote of the Day: "Trusting the person you're with can lighten the load of trusting the person you're not with.  If you can't trust who you're with, then you probably shouldn't be with them." ~ Candice Loper 

Most Is Almost All

Good Afternoon Blogfam!


I posted an entry some time ago where I stated that 'initial evaluation prevents compromise" and I still feel very strongly about that.  However, I have adapted a new perspective in regards to standards, compromise, and acceptance.  I believe that sometimes initial evaluation also has the potential to constitute compromise.  If you take your time to evaluate someone upon meeting them; chances are you will discover things about them that you absolutely adore, then you will discover things that you may not be able to cope with.  This is where you decide if the things you can't cope with are worth compromising. 


I believe that people searching for "the one" just have to be real with themselves about what advantages and disadvantages the potential relationship may present.  You will never get all of what you want from someone but it is possible to get most.  In order to get most of what you want, you have to be flexible and willing to compromise certain things so that you can create the proper balance for yourself.  My personal opinion is if you get all of what you want from someone then there is nothing left to desire or strive for with that individual.  No matter how long you have been with a person, the desire to want more always provides a certain level of excitement and anticipation that being content does not.


A major part of getting all that you want is being okay with your wants and desires being part of that all.  I know that sounds confusing so I will break it down for you.  If you consider all the things that you want from a partner and you come to realize that you are only getting part or most of that; then the anticipation for the things you still desire can serve as a portion of that all.  Why? Because if you view your desires as an attribute in your relationship that excites you, then at the very least you have something to look forward to.  As I have stated many times before, it's all about your perspective and how you choose to view your situation.  Anything can be looked upon in a positive light, if you choose to do so. 


Quote of the Day: "Realizing that most is very close to all can provide a world of happiness, while looking at most as not enough can provide a world of misery. Perspective is everything!" ~ Candice Loper

The Right to Know

Good Morning Blogfam!


Relationships are bittersweet as they have the potential to give off feelings of confusion and uncertainty.  Things will never be completely blissful in relationships because there will always be ups and downs.  However, what I have found to cause the most conflict is when a person is unsure about their place in someones life.  Typically those who question their place in someones life are the ones who are insecure in their abilities on a personal level.  I recognize that there will always be some sort of insecurity that lives in all of us but when you're confident about who you are and what you bring to the table; it mitigates the risk of you questioning your worth to someone else.


When someone truly cares for you they will do whatever they need to do to make you know it, feel it, and embrace it.  However, because we don't live in a perfect world there will always be those people who will never feel it no matter what you do.  Those are the people who typically don't last in relationships and i'll tell you why.  It's nearly impossible for a person to feel insecure on a personal level and possess the ability to feel secure with how the next person feels about them simultaneously.  It's like feeling like you're worth a penny but believing someone when they tell you you're worth a million dollars.  You have to feel it first!


There is a flip side to this as well.  The people who are being questioned also have to be honest with themselves and the next person.  I have witnessed many relationships unfold where one person knew all along that the other person was not the one for them.  However, feelings of conditional obligation force them into a world of selfishness where they become accustomed to leading this person to believe that they truly do desire to be with them.  This type of poisonous union normally leads to resentment and blame, which could all be avoided with an initial dose of truth regarding reality.  You don't owe anyone an explanation regarding the decisions you make, unless your decision could ultimately affect someone else's destiny.  Therefore, it's important to be cognizant of all parties involved.


Quote of the Day: "It stops being all about you as soon as you involve someone else." ~ Candice Loper