Your Foundation Determines Your Future

Good Morning Blogfam!

In order for relationships to be successful it's important to start out by laying a strong foundation.  It seems that a lot of people enter into relationships and their goal straight out the gate is getting to the finish line.  However, in order to get to the finish line you have to put the work in and have something about you that sets you apart from the rest.  It's especially important to make sure you condition yourself beforehand because if you're not strong then you'll find yourself depending on someone else for your strength.

One of the keys to a strong foundation starts with getting to know more about your mate than what's on the surface.  You have to desire to know more about them, their life, their character, their goals, and even their intentions.  Moreover they have to be willing to share those things; if they're not then it means they don't desire to get to know you or let you in to their world.  Communication is extremely important as well because you have to be open to talking about anything and everything, no matter how sensitive the topic.  Things won't always be great because that's unrealistic but if you can talk it out and come to a resolution that works best for both of you then that will keep your foundation strong. 

Now I understand why the reference to a relationship is the same as a home.  Your home must have a strong foundation to endure any kind of weather, protect your from outsiders who try to ruin you, provide a sense of comfort, and be a place that you enjoy spending time.  That's how you want your relationship to be as well. 

CandyNote:  Your relationship is an investment so don't be afraid to put a lot into it because ultimately that will determine your return in the future.

You'll Know

Good Morning Blogfam!

There are many times that we find ourselves in situations that we don't want to be in.  In contrast, there are also situations that we really want to be in but it may not be acceptable by others or society so it prevents us from doing what's truly pleasing to us.  Majority of people live their life based on what's acceptable according to society's standard.  The thing about society is it's so diverse so there will always be someone somewhere who is walking down the same path you want to walk down or are walking down.

I am the type of person who loves to talk things out with those that I am close to.  Not necessarily for approval, but in situations where i'm not sure if my decision will be accepted I will seek confirmation.  However, what I realized a long time ago is that when you do something that you know will ultimately make you the happiest, you won't need confirmation, advice, or feedback from anyone else.  The most serious, defining, life-changing decisions that i've ever had to make were made without any prior discussion with anyone else.  It's almost as though I had an epiphany that was so clear that my thoughts, vision, and feelings towards it were all the confirmation I needed.  When I reflect on the past and think back to some of the decisions i've made, I realize that those type of decisions brought about the best results.

I believe that a major part of the reason why people are so confused in life and lack efficient decision-making skills is due to a constant need of confirmation from others.  What they fail to realize is you are the one who will be most affected by your decisions so why ask someone who has nothing invested in YOUR life.  Please don't get what I am saying confused; i'm not saying that no one has any valuable advice or haven't endured any personal experiences that could help you with a tough decision you are trying to make.  In a nutshell, i'm saying that typically in the case of making serious decisions, you won't need their advice because you'll feel so strongly about your feelings towards the situation.

CandyNote: If you're still confused then now is not the time to make that decision because when you are confident there no questions...only answers, actions, and results.

You Can't Force It

Good Morning Blogfam!

When a person is really interested in doing something they won't need much convincing for them to do it.  Speaking from personal experience, I can say that I notice a difference in my excitement level when it comes to doing something that I really want to do and something I don't want to do.  I feel that a lot of people have trouble being able to gage the interest level of people so they find themselves wasting valuable time trying to persuade them to do certain things.  It's very important to be able to determine whether a person is truly interested or if they are doing it out of pressure or obligation.

The reason why this comes to mind is because I was thinking yesterday about how I always find myself  trying to reach out to my children's fathers to basically invite them in their kids life on the level that would be sufficient for the children and others involved.  Parenting is extremely hard work, especially when you want the best for your children.  I'm not talking about material things because to me that's not necessarily what I classify as the "best".  As a mother I feel proud when I can sit at a play and watch my daughter sing, I feel proud when I know every teacher and they know me, I feel proud when I see them wake up, I feel proud when I see the people they are becoming, and I feel proud to be their mother.  Granted, parents learn lessons every day and there will be situations that take place that prevent us from doing all we can but there is always something you can do to remain relevant in your children's lives and contribute to their happiness.  

CandyNote: In the battle of Contentment vs. Convincing, contentment will always win because no matter how much  you talk people won't change if they are comfortable with their situation.

Friends First

Good Morning Blogfam!


There are so many possible factors to take into consideration when deciding what's important to you when it comes to your relationship.  A few of the common factors are love, respect, honesty, loyalty, and the list goes on and on.  I have come to realize that the most important factor to take into consideration is "Do I like this person?" and "Is this person my FRIEND?"  In order for a relationship to be successful, its extremely important that the person is your friend first and i'll tell you why.


A major part of being a friend is having love, respect, honesty, and loyalty towards that person that you classify as such.  If you don't consider your partner your friend, than what else could they possibly be?  Associate?  This is very possibly but the only thing about associates is anybody can be one and there is usually no solid connection to that person.  If a successful relationship is what you're looking for then make sure that person is your friend first.  Friends tend to stay in your life when everyone else runs out, friends have your back through thick and thin, and friends will give it to you straight where it comes from a place of love and compassion.  All of those things are important when you're in a relationship because you want to know that you can trust the person you're with to be there through anything.


Relationships aren't easy and they definitely require a great deal of patience, understanding, and dedication.  It seems to be a lot of people who aren't willing to contribute their fair share to their relationship and then are confused when things don't work out for the best. 


CandyNote: Friendship is a special kind of love that serves as the catapult and foundation for all the other kind of love that exists.

Love Is....

Good Afternoon Blogfam!

For most of us there has been a time or two in life that a relationship ended and it felt like the end of the world.  I have realized that there are ways to prevent that from happening.  To protect yourself from being devastated over the end of a relationship STOP giving one person your ALL!  You have to retain some for yourself because you will need it to get through later.  In a good situation you won't have to GIVE your all because will be FELT and RECEIVED.  If you find yourself trying to hard to prove your love and affection than that could mean that the person you're with doesn't have the ability to recognize what you have to offer.

You know...I believe that people make relationships harder than they have to be.  While I realize that relationships are extremely hard work, especially if you are genuinely committed, you also shouldn't find yourself working extremely hard to PROVE your love to someone.  Love normally comes pretty easy when it's real.  I have been on both sides of that fence which is why I can speak on this.  I've had a relationship where love, affection, and understanding was effortless and at the end of the day none of those were the reasons why it came to an end.  Moreover, when it did come to an end it didn't really hurt, it was just something that needed to happen.  In contrast, my other relationship where I found myself constantly being put in a position to PROVE to him that I loved him and how much, it was draining.  I said to myself many times: What more could I possibly do to make him understand that the way I feel is real?   Going through all of that eventually made me question myself on whether or not I really did love this person.  I started feeling like if he doesn't feel it than either he doesn't have the ability to accept it or maybe I just really don't love him and that's why he doesn't feel anything.  Regardless of whether I loved him or not, I put my ALL into proving to him that I did and when it came to an end it was really hard on me because I didn't have anything left inside to get through it.

CandyNote: The best part about love is..when it’s genuine you never have to worry about if you're doing it right because it’s effortless. It’s not something you have to take a class for, study for or pass a test for. Love just is....

Choices..It's Up to You!

Good Morning Blogfam!

There are many factors to take into consideration when determining where you might end up in life.  To name a few: childhood, education, dreams, etc.  However, what I have discovered is where you will end up with rests solely on your choices.  We are all given the power of choice at a very young age.  I've witnessed people who grew up in less fortunate households become great people with great things going for them.  Just as I have seen the flip side of that with people who grew up in well-to-do households and turned out to be losers. When you're young you can dream as much as you want and picture the future that you wish to have.  Eventually you will get to an age where you will realize that in order for those dreams to become a reality, you have to start working towards it and trust me...it's hard work!

I made choices at a young age to stop dreaming so my reality became the total opposite of what my dreams used to be.  I made a choice to become an adult when I should have been a child and I made a choice to have a child when I was still a child.  Although I made those choices, it didn't stop me from choosing not to be a non-contributing person in this tough world.  Some of my not-so-great choices produced phenomenal results so nothing has to be completely bad forever.

I'm sure we have all gotten a bit frustrated with with people who continuously make bad decisions.  However, you just have to realize that you don't have to live their life and it's quite possible that some people don't have dreams and aspirations for the future.  Seems like the ones who make an excessive amount of bad decisions are the ones who live life on a day to day basis vs living today for what's to come tomorrow.

CandyNote: Life will provide you with what you need but to get what you want you have to work hard for it!

Don't Deny...Just Accept

Good Morning Blogfam!

Denial is such an ugly word!  It's that word that prevents people from being in touch with who they are and where they're at in life.  It's that word that forces people to believe that what is isn't.  It's that word that makes people believe that what can't be will be.  I say it's an ugly word because it allows people to live based on false realities just so they can make themselves feel good.  

There are many levels to denial; you have people who don't want to hear anything REAL that others have to say because they have convinced themselves that their way is the only way.  Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up on us and biting us in the ass.  I get it!  Everyone won't always be ready but let's face it, the most defining moments in life happen when you're not expecting it.  However, being in denial about situations will not negate the fact that they are taking place.  Which is why the sooner you realize what's real and accept it, the sooner you can embrace it if you love it or change it if you don't. 

Living in denial is the equivalent of living in a constant fantasy but you have to realize that one day you will have to wake up.  You have to be accountable for your circumstances because you have control of your present which ultimately will lead to your future.  If you're so adamant about what you want that you're willing to be in denial to satisfy that, than you should try to find the strength to be honest with yourself to make that reality come true.

CandyNote: Don't deny your reality to affirm your fantasy.

You Don't Like? Change It!

Good Morning Blogfam!

It seems that one of the hardest things for some people to do is realize that change is occurring, accept it as such, or initiate it.  I have known many people (myself included) who were in unhealthy relationships but found it extremely difficult to leave.  Consequently what ends up happening is they find themselves semi-functioning in a dysfunctional relationship.  I've been in a situation before where I felt like I didn't have the strength, courage, or will to leave and at that time I couldn't really figure out why.  One thing I know for sure is when you're in a bad situation you will make all kinds of excuses to validate why you make certain decisions.  To name a few: I love him/her, I can't survive on my own, it will get better, etc.  In hindsight, the only real reason I could come up with is that I became mentally unstable due to the instability of the situation overpowering any possibility of my common sense or self-worth.

I say common sense because deciding whether or not to stay in an unhealthy situation should be a no-brainer, right?  Well it's not always that simple because your thought process changes right along with the situation.  Some people are so hopeful for a particular outcome that they will convince themselves that the longer they stay and the more they give will eventually satisfy their expectations.  This is when the mental instability begins because chances are you aren't really seeing the situation for what it is, you're seeing it for what you hope for it to be.

I feel that people give relationships and the people in them more power than they really should have.  If you find that you're arguing more than you're hugging and kissing, you're apart more than you're together, or you just don't have any substance to your conversations than it's probably time to make some changes.  I've known many people who knew a person was unhappy with them but chose to place the ball in their court and say "why won't he/she just leave if they're so unhappy."  Here's my issue with that statement: If you know a person is unhappy with you than CHANGE it for yourself.  Why give a person that much power to hurt you and leave you?  That's like a double whammy especially since at the end of the day you are the one who is left there unhappy and alone.

CandyNote:  If you don't like it....change it. You are in control of your circumstances so don't blame someone else AFTER you've dealt with it for so long...when you could've changed it long before it became TOO long.

Something New from Something Blue

Good Morning Blogfam!


Relationships have the potential to be the best thing you've ever experienced or the worst time of your entire life.  I've found that how much you give a relationship is how much you will get in return.  It seems like in bad relationships there is always one person of the two who is giving it everything they have and having everything sucked out of them in return.  Remaining in a bad relationship when you know you deserve better is not what drives people insane; coping with the mental anguish that comes with that is what makes people crazy.  Eventually you get to a point where all you know in life is this situation that has completely consumed every part of you and you really can't picture life without the dysfunctionality.


I am sure majority of us have endured our share of not-so-great relationships.  Being in them is not the hard part for a lot of people; leaving them and trying to figure out how to move forward seems to be a major struggle.  I was talking to a friend of mines and this is the bit of advice I gave her: Change will always present a certain level of discomfort whether it be a change for good or bad.  You can't expect for a situation to change but everything in your life to remain the same.  Things are going to change and it's going to take some re-adjusting but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.  On a personal level, when I finally moved on from a bad situation I was nearly stripped of everything; at the time it seemed like the worse situation that I could ever be in but in hindsight I was able to see that that needed to happen because it was the beginning to my fresh start.


CandyNote: If things get a little old and spoiled, there is always something fresh and brand new lying in wait. Don't be afraid to take the necessary steps to get it.  

Revelations Reveal!

Hey Blogfam!!

There will be times when things are revealed to you for a specific purpose.  Maybe things were being said that shouldn't have, maybe someone is doing something that they shouldn't be doing, or maybe you met someone's "representative" and now the real them is coming out.  Now don't get me wrong; i'm not saying that revelations have to be all bad.  In contrast, it's quite possible that the person you think you are isn't who you're supposed to be and someone comes in your life to show you a different way. 

It's important to recognize those little blessings (as I like to call them) because they have the ability to clarify things for us that may not have been so clear otherwise.  Being stubborn can prevent people from seeing certain things for what they are which is why I try to keep an open mind.  I am sure we all have our stubborn moments from time to time but if you get to a point where you feel like it's your way or no way than you won't have the ability to see things for what they are, even if it is right in front of your face.  I've been there and done that!  There have been times when I felt like the way I was doing things was the right way and there wasn't any other way and then something always happened to show me a different way.  I'm not saying that different way was always the right way but my stubbornness had a tendency to prevent me from being open to the possibility of seeing the potential in the situation.

I am so thankful that I have grown and realized that everything won't always be clear so it's possible that  some good information or revelations could be delivered through indirect methods.  This is why I try not to discount any experiences because everything we go through helps us increase our level of strength and wisdom. 

CandyNote: Many people see the signs but only wise know which pieces of those signs they could benefit from. 

Initial Evaluation Limits Compromise

Good Morning Blogfam!


When entering into a relationship with someone it is important to evaluate their current position and overall goals in life to ensure that they align with yours.  The future outcome of the relationship is not normally the initial thought when meeting someone, however if things work out for the best several key items will have to be taken into consideration.  When meeting someone it is very likely that you would initially be drawn to their physical and character traits.  However, there are many people who ignore the drive, stability, and past behavior of a person until its too late.  I say too late because many flaws are not recognized until a person is already "head over heels", which then it makes it more difficult to just walk away from the relationship.


It is extremely important to embrace someone with their flaws and all, however it is also important to be sure that the flaws can be reformed or that you have the ability to accept them, whether it be temporarily or permanently.  It's possible that what may be considered a flaw to you is a way of life for the next person.  If this is the case, that means unless a person is willing to compromise parts of their being to make you happy then the relationship has the potential to fail.  If you find that you can't be happy with the person you met then maybe they just aren't the one for you.  If you know what you want and you know a person doesn't meet those requirements then don't waste their time or yours because eventually it will present a problem.  Some things are more serious than others but for the most part people know what they truly desire.


Personally, I believe that when you're younger it's acceptable behavior to be attracted to someone for whatever reason you see fit.  As it's likely that you aren't necessarily looking to spend the rest of your life with this person so it's okay to have a good time.  However, when you reach a certain age you have to pay especially close attention to a persons ability to provide on various levels.  On a personal level, I know that I want a man who can stimulate my mental, be successful in whatever he does, be an amazing father figure, have the ability to communicate with all type of people, and support me in all that I do!  I will not compromise those things.  So I suggest that you evaluate your standards and have a clear idea of what you are or aren't willing to compromise, it will prevent the headache later on.  


CandyNote: "When you compromise your standards you are potentially jeopardizing your level of happiness.  Be fair and wise when making decisions that will affect your livelihood."      

Right in Front of Your Face

Hey Hey Blogfam!!!

I want to stress how extremely important is is to be fully aware of the personality, maturity and sincerity of people that you choose to involve yourself with.  If you notice early on in a relationship that someone has a tendency to be dishonest, immature, or secretive, then you can rest assure that it will get worse later on and they have things to hide for a very good reason.  So many people choose to ignore the important signs and then they wait until its too late to get out without their feelings being hurt.  However, you can't really blame the other person for your pain when they showed you, whether it be directly or discreetly, that they were capable of whatever they may have done to cause you to reach your breaking point.

Everything won't always be plain and simple so some things you have to figure out by analyzing the situation and behavior of the parties involved.  If you meet someone and certain things don't add up it's probably because some of what they are telling you isn't true.  That's when you have to decide if you want to wait for the lies to become truths, or do you want to just get out now and move on to someone who isn't going to present those same doubts.  We all know that relationships aren't perfect but they also don't have to be stressful or questionable.  One thing I have realized is when someone respects you and the relationship they have with you, they won't do anything to intentionally deceive you.  Normally, when there is a motive involved and the relationship isn't just based on a genuine liking for one another, that's when you will be more prone to dishonesty and drama.  Therefore, if someone has specific motive in mind for why they want to have a relationship with you, they will have no interest in showing you the utmost respect because their main concern is themselves and what their trying to gain.

Quote for the Day: "Don't ignore what you know is real for what you want to feel."

Mental Strength is Essential

Good Morning Blogfam!

Strength is an important part of a healthy existence.  I am not referring to physical strength, I am speaking more so about mental and emotional strength.  When you possess a strong mentality it enables you to deal with certain situations with an open mind and clear view.  You won't be easily persuaded into forcing yourself to believe in false realities.  However, on the flip side you also have to be strong enough to know when you realities are true.  It's natural to endure mental struggles from time to time but the strength comes in when you overcome them and accept situations for what they are.

I've had my share of mental and emotional battles and I won't even try to pretend that I handled them all with strength and poise.  However, one day I had an awakening and that is when I realized that everything I was going through was self-inflicted because I didn't have the mental capacity to accept things for what they were instead of what I wanted them to be.  When you already have an idea of how you want things to go and you aren't willing to compromise, when the time comes you won't have the ability to accept reality.  It took me a while to realize that what I want won't always be what I will get but as long as I have the ability to see the good in what I do get, I will be a much stronger person.

CandyNote: You can have all the muscles in the world and be extremely weak.

Love your NOW!

Good Morning Blogfam!


I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday and they were able to give me a different perspective on having expectations of the future.  I tend to be one who constantly tries to pull out my crystal ball and see ahead of time what the future has in store or how I foresee it turning out.  It seems as if I like to prepare myself for what may possibly happen so I can already have a head start on controlling my emotions.  However, looking at things in hindsight just made me realize that when it's all said and done the pain doesn't hurt any less and the joy doesn't excite me anymore.  So I was brought to realize that I could be so focused on what's to come in the future that I can't allow myself to fully embrace and appreciate the present.


A very important thing to realize is that things won't always turn out the way you want them to and that's okay.  When you constantly try to shape life the way you think it should be you might be interrupting what is supposed to happen and your feelings toward it.  I rarely ever had the ability to go with the flow and let things happen naturally because I was so focused on having control of something that I had no control over.  Life is given to us minute by minute and day by day so it's wise to appreciate the right now because later is not guaranteed.  I appreciate the conversations I have that allow me to see things differently because I believe that one way of thinking shuts you out from the other endless points, possibilities, and perspectives that exist.


CandyNote: Don't miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what's to come. 

Respect Your Place!

Good Morning Blogfam!

I haven't always had the ability to recognize my place in someones life but the more I grow, the more I learn.  The time period in which you enter into a persons life or they enter into yours can make all of the difference in whether or not your relationship will be successful.  Sometimes circumstances have the ability to supersede a persons intentions.   Each and every one of our lives takes its own path and on that journey there isn't someone or something there saying don't do that yet you're going to meet so and so.  You just have to go with the flow and realize that a time may come when you have to RESPECT your place in someones life.  If someone that you know or are interested in is experiencing personal issues or has a lot going on then its best to just give them space to get things in order and not feel like it's an insult to get in where you fit in.  It wouldn't be beneficial to try and stake your claim to what you think your prioritization should be in their life, because it's unlikely that you will have the ability to determine the weight of the priorities that existed before you. 

To elaborate a bit on the concept of recognizing your place.  You could be at a point in your life where you feel that you are ready to settle down and work towards getting to the next level with someone.  Well circumstances aren't always perfect and its not guaranteed that you will meet someone that is on the same page with you at the same time.  However, there is always the chance that you will meet someone who you may care deeply for and could see yourself on the same page with, but they're just not there yet.  So this is where the gifts of patience, understanding, and maturity come into play.  You have to be patient enough to wait for the right time to present itself, you have to be understanding enough to allow the time and space that is necessary to rectify existing issues, and you have to be mature enough to determine who is worth receiving your gifts of patience and understanding.  You may not be a priority right now but it doesn't mean you're just an option either.  Therefore, I encourage anyone who may be experiencing feelings of uncertainty not to get discouraged because it probably has nothing to do with you, it's possibly just bad timing.     

Quote of the Day: "You won't always get what you want when you want it, but you will get it eventually if it's meant for you to have it." 

Life Can Be What You Want

Good Morning Blogfam!

Whether you be young or old, I think you will have those moments in life when you realize that the life you have been living is not the life you should continue living.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing because our lives our supposed to take certain paths at certain times for certain reasons but it doesn't mean it has to be indefinite.  However, change is inevitable for people who desire it and have the ability to accept it.  It's very easy to become accustomed to a particular type of lifestyle and stick with it but it's a hard task to take that lifestyle and find areas that need to be improved and actually take the steps to change it.

Being happy is a wonderful feeling and sometimes you have to create your own sense of happiness based on how you perceive your life to be.  I mean if you can't be happy with yourself, how can you expect someone else to be happy with or around you?  Sometimes we get stuck into these little boxes where we feel like the happiness we are experiencing is at its highest point.  That is until you experience something that helps you realize that there is so much more out there.  When you have a lot going on in life, a lot of responsibility, and a lot of commitments it becomes very difficult to create the time necessary to enforce change.  However, that's when you have the opportunity to figure out where you can shift your focus to make it possible for other things happen. 

CandyNote:  Don't feel it necessary to live the life you've been living, feel free to live the life you imagined!

Take YOUR Time!

Good Morning Blogfam!


Are you the type of person to get out of one relationship and get right into another one?  I used to be that person when I was younger.  I entered into my first serious relationship when I was 14 and I stayed in it until I was 19.  When I decided to move on I probably stayed single for less than 30 days before going into another relationship.  Although the next relationship was not your traditional relationship, I still was committed to this person in many ways for several years.  Eventually this relationship ended when I was about 22 and about three months later I found myself in yet another relationship.  This relationship was the toughest of all and it certainly wasn't your traditional relationship; at least not according to my standards.  Believe it or not this relationship ended after several years; hence my singlehood today for approximately the last three years.


After being single for quite some time now, I gave myself the chance to see how important it is to reflect on my past situations so I could step outside of it and see it from a different perspective.  Typically, it seems that when people leave a bad relationship and go directly into another one, that one eventually turns out to be bad also.  This happens because when situations are bad it's very easy to lose yourself.  The problem is many people seek solace in other people instead of seeking it within themselves.  Contrary to popular beliefs, it is impossible to find yourself through another person.  The only thing you will find is yourself being who you think you need to be for that person and not for yourself.  The first step to finding yourself is realizing that you are lost in the first place, then you have to reflect to see what went wrong, and finally you have to take the time to make sure you fully understand your reflections.


As you can see having the ability to handle relationships and what comes after it's over is bigger than just being with someone and leaving someone.  You have to be able to manage yourself, your emotions, your feelings, and your standards so you can know what you will and won't deal with.  Otherwise, you'll find yourself putting up with the same issues over and over again.


Quote of the Day: "Relationships require give and take.  If you're given what you don't want, than take your time to get what you want." ~ Candice Loper

Live Up To Your Standards

Good Morning Blogfam!
I was thinking about some things this morning and something crossed my mind.  I was thinking about standards and how people determine or prioritize what is important to them when it comes to searching for a potential mate.  I have known people who looked for certain attributes and qualities in other people that they didn't even possess themselves.  I won't even pretend that one of those people hasn't been me at one point or another.  The difference is, I recognized it and now my perspective is different.


When you get to a point where you know what you want; whether it be from yourself or someone else, it makes it more difficult to settle for less.  I believe that some people get so caught up in what they desire from another person that they stop focusing on what will be desired of themselves.  It's like wanting someone who has good credit, a nice home, no children, and a lucrative income.  However, when you look at your situation your credit sucks, you live in an apartment, you have four kids, and you work part time.  Now what kind of sense does that make?  It's almost like having champagne taste with tap water money.  Don't get me wrong; i'm not saying that you can't want someone who is in a better position than you, i'm just saying it shouldn't be a "deal breaker" if you find someone who is on the same level as you.


If you know your standards are greater than what you have to offer, than it wouldn't hurt to work hard to bring yourself up to YOUR own standards.    


Quote of the Day: "Don't expect something of someone that you're not willing to give to yourself." ~ Candice Loper

Don't Rush Life

Good Morning Blogfam!

There are many young people who are ahead of their time.  Sometimes it is forced upon them by parents or society and sometimes it's just a personal choice.  Typically when a child is exposed to certain situations that only an adult can truly handle, it causes them to force themselves to handle it.  Granted, this scenario isn't all bad because they are gaining valuable insight on how to adapt and survive, but is it really valuable when they're really not ready to deal with it?

I was a young lady who was way ahead of my time.  I mean there was nothing that anyone could tell me, I knew it all!  When I entered high school at the age of 14, I was already grown so sports, sleepovers with friends, hanging out after school; all of those things were childish to me.  I preferred to have a boyfriend (who eventually came to live with me), work two jobs at 16, get pregnant at 17, go to prom pregnant, and be a mother at the age of 18.  Oh yeah, that was much more fun than hanging out with friends and going to college.  Of course while I was living it I didn't see it that way.  Then by the time I was 19, my relationship ended (SHOCKER!!!), i'm a single mother, going to school, working a full-time job, and maintaining my own household.  Now it's time for me to party like a rockstar, right?  But there is just one problem.  I already missed that part of my life when I thought being an adult was more appealing than being a teenager.  At that point there were no other options.  I wanted it so I got it, there was no turning back.

Contrary to popular beliefs, there are no do-overs in life.  There are certain decisions you can make that will affect the path of the rest of your life.  When you decide that you want to be an adult when you're supposed to be an adolescent, you have to understand that when the real time comes for you to be an adult, you will never be an adolescent again.  It's something to think about because I never did when I was young.

Quote of the Day: "Growing up too fast is just another way of rushing your way through life.  We'll be adults way longer than we'll be children; enjoy your youth!" ~ Candice Loper  

Balance is Key

Good Morning Blogfam!


I believe that in order to be truly happy you have to have a proper balance in certain areas of your life.  I've noticed that the people who spend too much time doing a particular activity or devote too much time to certain people, are normally the ones who seem unhappy beneath the surface.  Sometimes while a person is spending too much time doing one thing, they aren't doing another thing that may be of interest to them; this is where balance comes into the equation.


I am sure many of us have been in relationships where we just wanted to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with our partner.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this but I have known many people (including myself) who eventually got to a point of making my man my priority and completely forgetting about the things that once made me happy outside of him.  So it took me a while to realize that when you get a person accustomed to a certain type of behavior, that is what they will expect from you going forward.  So if you spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with a person, when the time comes for you to separate from them they won't really be able to understand it.  Consequently, depending on the person you are with your relationship may even experience trust issues.  Eventually, you realize that you have let all your friends go, your dreams are slipping, and before you know it your self-identity has left right along with everything else.


This is why it is especially important to maintain a proper balance between togetherness and separateness.  While in a relationship, it's healthy to have common goals, dreams, and visions.  However, it's equally important to evolve individually because personal growth is an essential part of life.  If for so long your primary goal has always been growing together, would you know what to do if you ever grew apart?


Quote of the Day: "The scales of life start out empty so it's up to you to place the weights in the proper dishes to create the proper balance." ~ Candice Loper 

Time is Precious

Good Morning Blogfam!

Time is our most precious asset because there are endless possibilities with what you can do with it.  Which is why you should maximize it and make the best of each moment.  It's especially important to associate yourself with people who share the same respect for time as you do.  I feel that time and money are one in the same.  Money comes and money goes just as time comes and time goes.  The only difference is you can't get time back once it's lost or wasted. 

I have definitely wasted my share of time which I can never get back.  But I feel like I recovered a little bit of it through the lessons I have learned from that "wasted" time.  The biggest lesson I learned through everything is not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.  In the past there have been times when someone showed me who they were very early on in the relationship but I held on to the thought of who I wanted them to be, which in turn caused me to stay in a situation that I knew wouldn't be beneficial in the long run.  As a result, I pay extra close attention to behavior that is displayed in the beginning because it's a direct indication of what's to be expected in the future.

When you've experienced enough turmoil due to situations that could have been avoided, it gives you a newfound respect for time and what you choose to do with it.  You begin to cherish the positive and despise the negative things in life.  Granted, perfection does not exist so every moment in life won't be a joyous one.  But sometimes we go through situations that we can control but mentally we feel powerless so before we realize that it's bad typically a lot of time has passed. 

Quote of the Day: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." ~ Maya Angelou

Love or Pride? Your Choice....

Good Morning Blogfam!

Have you ever wondered why relationships that go bad can't be made whole again?  I think about this often because I have been in several relationships that have went bad and I couldn't seem to understand why it couldn't be restored.  I feel that these type of questions or contemplations are necessary in order to know what mistakes shouldn't be made the next time around.

When one person has left the relationship, whether it be emotional, physical, or mental; it makes it much more difficult for the other person who hasn't left to get back in.  I've noticed from past experience that there is little hope left when a person has gotten to the point where they stop doing things to make you feel special, they stop spending time with you, and they stop caring about your feelings.  If someone feels that you're a very important part of their existence, even if they do escape the relationship temporarily, the love that they feel for you will supersede any thoughts of leaving.

This is why I believe it's very important to understand the person you are with because it will serve you best to familiarize yourself with their level of pride, arrogance, or egotism.  Depending on the person, even if they feel like they want to show you that they really do love you, if they've showed you for so long that they don't; than their pride, arrogance, and ego will prevent them from showing it.  In their mind, they are so concerned about how they might look to others that they won't submit.  Therefore, as a result they would much rather prefer to let something that might have the potential to be good again go for the sake of their pride.  This is the person that will have regrets when it's all said and done because they won't realize what they had until it's gone.  Then by the time they decide that they are ready to put their pride to the side, the other person will probably have gotten over it and moved on to someone of a less self-absorbed nature.

Quote of the Day: "Love can be a battle sometimes but if you're fighting against pride and egotism you can't possibly have the artillery and ammunition necessary to prevail." ~ Candice Loper  

Everyone Serves a Purpose

Good Morning Blogfam!!


Have you ever questioned the validity of a relationship you have with someone?  I am sure there are those times when you feel like you wasted massive amounts of time with someone or you simply just don't understand the purpose of certain people in your life.  Well I have come to realize that there is always a reason why someone is in your life, even if it's not initially clear in real time. 


I have had many people come in and out of my life over the years.  Sometimes the reason someone is in your life may not be relevant or specific to you, but they could have very well been placed in your life as a sole benefit to them.  I have been involved in several relationships and friendships where at the end of it, I felt like I gained absolutely nothing and wasted unnecessary time.  However, eventually I got to a point where I understood that I wasn't wasting time; I was gaining valuable experience in dealing with various type of people, including their thoughts, behaviors, and motives.


At one point in my life, I found myself in a situation where I felt like a person came into my life just to cause me pain and try to ruin who I knew myself to be.  When I had my fall, I blamed everybody but myself.  However, looking at the situation in hindsight; as weird as it sounds, I am able to be appreciative for that experience because had I not experienced it I wouldn't have had the opportunity to evolve into the woman that I am today.  Sometimes when people come in your life and tear you down, they could be placed there to be your wrecking ball to prepare you for the re-build process.  It's all about your perspective and ability to appreciate each experience individually.


Quote of the Day: "If life always gave you who or what you wanted, you wouldn't have a clue what to do if you received who or what you didn't want." ~ Candice Loper 

Motherly Love

Happy Friday Blogfam!

Strictly for the MOTHERS!!!

I'm sure we've all found reasons to criticize or judge how other women raise their children, especially if it is different than how we raise ours or how we've been raised.  I've been there and done that myself but what I came to realize is that there is no manual on raising children so what may be right to one may not be right to another.  We're all learning each and every day. 

Being a mother is the hardest job i've ever had but at the same time it's been the most rewarding.  It's almost like a regular job, if you want to get paid good money you have to put in the hard work and earn it.  Being a mother has required me to be strong when I felt like I wanted to be weak.  I learned from my mother a long time ago that even when times are tough, your kids should never know it.  When you raise them properly, they will recognize when things are different and they will respect the struggle without you having to tell them to.  That's why when I made the decision to have children, I also made a decision that I was willing to give up a substantial amount of the "me" time I had been so used to for the "we" time that would provide me with a level of happiness I had never known.   

I'm not saying that being a mother is always sheer enjoyment because it's not.  There are those times when your kids will pluck your last nerve, when they do things to scare the hell out of you, when they go down the wrong path, and when they don't get the lessons that you try to teach to them.  But one thing you can be sure of is when you show your children you care, they will shower you with a love that no one else could ever give you.

Quote of the Day: "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!"    

Temporary Solutions won't provide Permanent Resolutions

Good Morning Blogfam!

Giving up something or someone that you've been accustomed to for a long time can be very difficult.  No matter how good or bad for you it may be, the hardest thing to get used to is not having it as a part of your life anymore.  It is human nature to become comfortable in situations no matter what the circumstances are.  You may know someone who is being abused and might not be able to understand why they can't just leave the situation.  Although they are in a horrible situation they have become accustomed to the behavior which has taken a mental toll on them, so it's not easy to just walk away from it.

I told a friend recently that when we give up habits, it's natural to try and replace or substitute the emotions and/or physical comfort with something else.  One thing that I have found to be severely pertinent is NOT to use something temporary as a permanent replacement.  What i'm trying to say is, say for instance your relationship ends and you are having a hard time getting over it.  As unrealistic as it sounds, the best thing you can do for yourself is to find peace and resolution within and reflect on the situation.  When one of my previous relationships ended, I was forced to be by myself so I found healing in partying.  Well here is the problem; once I got tired of partying, although it was several months after the breakup, I was now forced to deal with it.  So initially I used a temporary solution of partying as a permanent resolution to my pain.

Along this journey of life it is not going to be easy but many of the experiences, whether they be good or bad will certainly be worth it.  There have been many situations that I have been faced with when happening in real time was looked upon as such a major roadblock.  However, once I waited for the smoke to clear, got past it, and was able to see difference it made in my life; it motivated me to refrain from trying to substitute pain and deal with it so I could remove it completely.

Quote of the Day: "Pain is temporary but being afraid to deal with it has the potential to cause it to be permanent." ~ Candice Loper
 

Perspective Determines Your Perception of Pride

Good Morning Blogfam!

Myself and a friend were having a very deep conversation and came across a topic that we shared different views on.  We began talking about PRIDE!  What exactly is pride and can being too sensitive towards it hinder your opportunities, stability, or peace of mind?  Pride is defined as "a sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect".  The thing about pride is we all have it but how we feel towards it can vary from person to person.  Even the most confident of people have moments where they question parts of their being so it's not a matter of strength or weakness; it's a matter of comfort in oneself.

The typical situation where people feel like their pride is in jeopardy is when they have to ask someone for something.  This is where it becomes situational and sensitive depending on the individual involved.  Typically, the person who has issues regarding their pride is the person who feels like they can do everything on their own and they don't need anyone for anything.  So when a situation presents itself where support or assistance is required, they let their pride keep them from asking for help.  Personally, it takes a lot for me to feel as if my pride is threatened because I am very comfortable with myself and my independence.  So when I have to ask for help, I know it's because I need it and that doesn't affect my pride whatsoever.  I'll tell you what it does; it makes me feel proud that I have the courage to ask.  This is why I believe that your perspective determines your perception regarding pride.  

Quote of the Day:  "When others recognize your efforts, your pride should never be tested because if they help you out it's because they have respect for YOU." ~ Candice Loper 

Realize Your Impact

Good Morning Blogfam!


Speaking, talking, informing, advising, suggesting, and numerous other words describe the many types of conversations that we have.  What I have come to realize is that some people don't realize the effects of their words and how they are perceived by others.  There are some people who will hear everything you say and they will take it with them wherever they go, than you have others who hear nothing at all.  It's important to understand your audience and how they perceive information as an individual.


I used to be that type of person that would always respond affirmatively mainly because I didn't have the courage to say what was really on my mind.  However, I realized that telling someone what they want to hear is an indirect form of misleading them.  Because ultimately they would actually look forward to everything I was telling them, although I knew the whole time that it wouldn't happen.  It's just easier to say what you mean and mean what you say up front, regardless of what a person wants to hear.  Clearly, it would be best to be tactful in your response as i'm sure no one wants to hurt someone's feelings intentionally.  This is important when trying to maintain fruitful relationships.


Words can help just as words can hurt, which is why it's important to utilize them properly.  I have had relationships with people who enjoyed saying hurtful things, but when I looked at the situation in hindsight and was able to evaluate and analyze their life path, I realized their infliction of pain unto others was because that was an outlet due to their own personal pain.  If you know someone like this, the best bit of advice I could give is don't give them satisfaction of seeing you hurt.  If you can't get through to them, don't be afraid to let them go because at least you get to hold on to your dignity and self-respect while they're busy harassing the next person.


Quote of the Day: "Everything you say has the possibility of remembrance." ~ Candice Loper       

  

True Passion Provides Eventually

Good Afternoon Blogfam,

I find it extremely important to recognize that it takes patience, determination, and sheer passion to perfect a craft.  Even if it is something that you are interested in, it doesn't mean that you will be great at it or know how to make it work for you.  I just heard today that it takes 10,000 hours to become good at something, which is a little more than a year.  However, who really has a year straight to work on something when you're trying to live life simultaneously.  So I pondered on that for a second and it made perfect sense.  I know many people who began working on their craft at an early age and it took majority of their lives to finally see the fruits of their labor.  Why?  Because they never gave up and always made time for it!

For example, I have a cousin who has always been talented in many forms of Art; from writing and speaking poetry, rapping, singing, to dancing.  She always had the determination and sheer passion, but not always the patience to develop a plan to make it work for her.  So now after a lifetime of having the passion she has finally realized how to perfect her craft and make it work for her.  Of course most people in the entertainment industry want to get major paid and be a world renowned figure but sometimes you have to find solace in something on a smaller scale and be confident that it will grow into something large.  That's what she's done and now her name rings bells which means she's well on her way.

I used to be that person that wanted instant gratification from anything that I "thought" I was interested in.  Before actually thinking about the craft or skill, I would think about the financial aspect of it like "What can I do that will make me a whole lot of money?"  However, eventually I came to realize that I was horrible at everything I thought of and had no genuine interest in it whatsoever.  Now I find peace and solace in writing on my blog and motivating others; it doesn't provide a financial benefit YET but at least i'm doing something I love and it does have the potential to satisfy me financially.

Quote of the Day: "When your passion is your primary focus, all the superficial desires become secondary." ~ Candice Loper   

Life is a Journey!

Good Morning Blogfam!

For those who are blessed, life will be the longest experience in your entire life and for those who are even more blessed; it will be a long and FULFILLING experience.  In order to fully appreciate your path you have to live beyond the moments and situations and appreciate what lies ahead in the future.  There are many people who question themselves, God, and others when things don’t happen in the time frame they had hoped for.  See that’s when selfishness and impatience takes over the steering wheel in the car of destiny.  Just because things don’t happen when you want them to doesn’t mean it’s not in the plan for it to happen, it’s just going to happen when God feels like you’re ready to receive it and appreciate it.  Many experiences that we encounter in life are blessings in disguise, therefore if you’re not able to see beyond the disguise and recognize how blessed you are to be walking in your skin; it means you’re not quite ready for it yet.  Therefore, if you constantly find yourself not getting what you want out of life, you may very well need to change your perspective and start appreciating what you do have so you can make room for what you don’t have or aren’t receiving.  You have to be ready and able to handle the abundance!! I f you can’t fully appreciate the small things that you may not see as a blessing, how in the world are you going to be able to handle the big things?   

This is why it’s very important for everyone to realize that life is a JOURNEY, it is not a trip!  I will say that again…life is a JOURNEY, it is not a trip!  When you’re on a journey there is no end in sight, as far as you’re concerned you could continue on until your time has run out.  Journeys are exciting, fulfilling, educational, experimental, and even emotional.  When you recognize that your life is a journey that’s when you’re able to appreciate your hardships, shortcomings, areas of opportunity, and improve them to enhance your experience at the next destination.  Please note that I used the term DESTINATION!  Along your very long journey, you will go from destination to destination never to return home for good but just to make a pit stop until it’s time to go to the next destination.  Now don’t get me wrong, your journey will not simply consist of tropical getaways and treks through the rainforest…part of your journey includes most of the things that you do right at home…it’s all about what you take from every experience you are faced with.  There will be times when the person that you are today may not be who you want to be or are supposed to be, therefore, that journey from oneself today to oneself in the future is just one example of a foreseeable destination within your journey.  The destination to SELF!!  For those with a different perspective and look at life as a trip, they will always be looking and waiting for the end of every situation or experience they encounter.  They won’t have the ability to practice patience and foresee the long term benefit of what they are experiencing in their present, whether it is good or bad.  If you take notice, trips tend to be short getaways that help you to escape reality but one thing for sure….you will always have to come right back and face everything you’re temporarily getting away from.  Once you have the ability to incorporate your present reality into your dreams, imagination, passions, and desires that is a direct sign that your perspective is changing and you’re finally starting to leave the small trips to the escapees and you’re ready to join “Team Journey” because they don’t run from it…they run WITH it!   Why is it that I say you’re ready now?  Because now you are able to appreciate the fact that the end is not near and if you’re lucky you won’t ever see an end…you will just see constant new beginnings.    

Quote of the Day: "If you're always looking forward to the end, you don't deserve any new beginnings!" ~ Candice Loper

Make Them Sweat!

Good Morning Blogfam!


Have you ever been faced with trying to get someone back or someone trying to get you back?  Well I definitely have and let me tell you, it took me a long time to realize what it takes for a person to succeed in those efforts.  There are people who aren't necessarily good at making a person "sweat", which in turn makes them give in easily with very little repercussions or restrictions.  However, when someone does something to hurt you, the future of your relationship (if any) relies on them feeling a major sense of regret.  Therefore, if you accept them back without them experiencing that feeling, chances are the same issues will arise again.


Some people, typically women, simply don't have the ability to be patient and allow time to pass for the person to realize the affect of their actions.  It's important to realize that if a person genuinely cares for you and loves you, they will respect your emotions and allow you time to get past it or not.  If being with you is what they really want, they will go the extra mile to make sure you know that.  However, I think it's especially important to not take advantage of a person due to their regrets.  Go ahead and make them "sweat" just so they can understand that it's not so easy to just mess up and get right back in where you used to fit in.  But you have to know when it's time to call a truce, forgive them, lay your expectations on the line, and let them know what the ramifications will be if they're not met.


The last piece to this is knowing when to be honest when you know you don't want anything to do with a person.  I believe this is where greed, selfishness, and taking advantage of another person comes in to play.  If someone hurts you, tries their hardest to win you back, and you don't tell them that you're no longer interested; now you're taking advantage of them.  I know the gifts can be tempting and it can be flattering to your ego to have someone basically begging and pleading to have you back but in the end it's best for both people if you can just address it and move forward with your life.  At the end of the day, the material things aren't worth your self-respect and dignity.  If someone hurts you to the point of you not wanting to deal with them anymore, then why would they be worth dealing with on any level just for a few gifts?  That's when you have to put things into perspective.


Quote of the Day: "In order for someone to empathize with you, you have to make sure they feel the same pain you feel." ~ Candice Loper

Patience is Your Greatest Ally

Good Morning Blogfam!


I used to be the type of person to look for instant gratification but that's not always possible.  So when I allowed time to pass I was able to see that bad situations eventually become good situations, especially when you strive to make them that way.  I have been that person before that felt like every day was the end of the world just because my situation wasn't what I wanted it to be, at that time!  So that's when I thought to myself: Candice, you are being selfish and impatient.  It was unfair of me to expect everything to happen and turn around when I wanted it to because at the end of the day God has a plan for me.


There was a time when I felt like I knew exactly who I was and for the most part, I liked that person.  She was fun, fearless, beautiful, outgoing, and driven (amongst other things).  Then I went through a major life change that affected my spirit beneath the surface, and at times on the surface.  I had many moments of feeling like I was less of a person, like I had lost myself completely to never find her again, and that there was no light at the end of the tunnel.  Over the past 3 years I've had to endure many struggles mentally, physically, and emotionally.  You have those days where you feel like you don't want to get out of the bed because you just don't have it in you to fight the battle of life.  You have those days where you feel like you look like a piece of crap and there is nothing you can do to beautify yourself.  You have those days where you break down and burst into tears for no apparent reason.  My point is, you will have those days but each day that you have that day it just serves as proof that you're blessed because you've been given another day to go through it and get through it. 


So now I have finally gotten to the point of feeling like I am the person I used to be, just a new and improved version.  The benefit of going through personal struggles is when you get to the point of overcoming them, it will be a priority in your life to make sure you do what you have to do to not go through it again.  You are one of your most valuable possessions, so when you lose it and find it, you will make sure you hold on to it really tightly.  Just as you have expectations of others, you should also have expectations of yourself because if you can put the burden and pressure on someone else to not let you down, you should put that same burden and pressure on yourself for yourself.


Quote of the Day: "Patience is the greatest catapult for satisfied expectations" ~ Candice Loper

Don't let your reasons become excuses

Good Morning Blogfam!!


How many times have you heard the same person use the same excuse time and time again?  Well i'm raising my hand because I certainly have.  Not only have I heard it from others, i've also done it myself.  Excuses are a collection of words that people use to try and validate why they do or don't do certain things.  However, many don't realize that there is a limit to how many times you can use the same excuse for the same inconsistency.


How about when people make excuses for you that you don't even make for yourself? (LOL)  I'm sure we've all had moments of having someone over your house and you have to give them the famous disclosure when they enter: "Please excuse the mess".  For some reason because I have kids people tend to say Oh it's okay you have three kids.  So I thought to myself if having kids is a reason to not have a clean home at all times?  Or is it an excuse?  It could very well be a reason but if it continues to happen, that's when it transforms into an excuse.  I will have kids in my home for at least the next 14 years so instead of using that as an excuse, I could just develop a plan that works for me and my family to keep my house clean at all times.  It's really not rocket science.


Whenever someone gives me an excuse about why they behave certain ways I always ask the question: So what are you doing to work on or change that?  When you can take the time to make an excuse for something than that means you recognize that something is wrong, which in turn means you should know what you need to do to correct it.  When you have integrity you will take time to constantly improve yourself, you won't allow something so weak as excuses to be your scapegoat.


Quote of the Day: "Use your reasons as a catapult for improvement so you don't have to subject everyone to your excuses." ~ Candice Loper

Don't be labeled with "Baby Mama" or "Baby Daddy"!

Good Morning Blogfam!


So I have been told that I am not like most females, I am inclined to agree and that's not at all a bad thing in my opinion.  I am a woman, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a confidant but one thing i'm not is a "baby mama".  I put the term "baby mama" in quotes because they are definitely in a class of their own.  If you notice baby mamas are always referred to with a negative connotation.  Why is this??  Well the episode of The Game last night and things I have witnessed firsthand explain just why this is the case.


In most cases the two parents have had some sort of relationship in the past, hence creating a beautiful life/lives together.  It seems to me that the baby mamas have a hard time moving on from the fact that they're not with their childs father anymore, and feel slighted somehow because they beared his child but didn't end up with him.  This is the chance that you take when you have children out of wedlock, not that being married completely eliminates that possibility of being a single parent someday.  Many baby mamas wouldn't want to admit it but too often they use the children as pawns, but too often so does the father.  I am sure many of us know men who have claimed to have to do certain things out of the norm, so they can "see their child" or avoid having to be taken to court to pay child support.  That is just a scapegoat to continue on with whatever their motive is for carrying on a relationship, regardless of the specifics, with their baby mama.


Women are more emotional creatures and have a harder time moving on, so men need to stop leading them on when they know their intentions are not aligned with hers.  I feel sympathy for the women who have a hard time realizing that their children are just an excuse for the immature father to stake his claim in her life.  Just as I feel sympathy for the men who are weak enough to fall for the antics of the women who just can't move on.  I don't feel sorry for the immature man who uses his baby mamas weakness to his advantage to control the situation, vice versa.  Everyone deserves their right to move on and be happy, especially if you aren't willing to give them your all; baby mama, baby daddy, or not.


Quote of the Day: "When you're genuinely concerned for your childrens well being, you will make sure their mother/father is happy so that it may be reflected unto the child." ~ Candice Loper

There are no winners in the Blame Game!

Good Morning Blogfam!


In the game of blame there really aren’t any winners. When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would, the best thing to do is ask yourself “What went wrong?” However, people don’t normally ask themselves that question, reflect on the situation, and receive their lesson. Instead, the initial thought is to place the blame on someone else so you don’t have to feel convicted on a personal level. I have found that when people do this, they aren’t allowing themselves the opportunity to see their own area of improvement.


I am sure many of us have had relationships that didn’t work out the way we may have envisioned them to. That’s where some people tend to let their bitterness or animosities towards the other person blind them from seeing the complete reality of the situation. I have been that bitter person before,and thought I could do no wrong and that everything was the other persons fault. However, looking at many situations in hindsight, I was able to realize that blame is a two person game. The entire relationship wasn’t the responsibility of one person, so how can the burden of the separation rest solely on one person? We can easily say things like “He/She cheated on me numerous times, so that’s why the relationship ended.” But if more people decided to look at situations from a different perspective it will provide a sense of clarity and understanding that they wouldn’t normally have. Instead of blaming your partner for lost time due to their cheating ways, you could hold yourself accountable and say, "If I would have ended it when I found out the first time then maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much time."  As you can see, there isn’t just one perspective to any given situation, and the road you take will ultimately determine your outlook and ability to accept things for what they are.


When you choose to focus on being accountable for your actions, it gives you the ability to move forward, forgive, and relinquish the next person from any responsibility for your pain. I have learned that when you spend so much time blaming someone and being bitter, it takes away a certain level of peace that you have within yourself. If you don’t move forward with peace, then you will be sure to take frustration, upset, and worry into your next relationship.


Quote of the Day: “You are in complete control of your circumstances and what you allow someone to do to you or take you through, so don't blame someone else after YOU'VE dealt with it for too long.” ~ Candice Loper

Is it easier said than done?

Happy February Blogfam!!


I've been finding myself repeating this one particular saying very often lately: "I know it's easier said than done".  I am finding that I only say this people I am conversing with who I don't feel have the ability to do it, so I guess it's my way of making them feel comfortable within their inabilities.  I am not claiming to be perfect or have it all figured out but one thing I do know is, I won't advise or offer my opinion on anything that I haven't experienced first hand.  I have found that doing it is not the hard part, it gets difficult when it's time to cope with it and that's what people can't handle.


I'm sure we've all known people who were really good talkers and would always have some sort of suggestion or advice as to how they think you should handle a situation.  However, I have always been one to appreciate advice from those who have lived it and had the strength to cope with it.  I have been through the ringer and back in life due to personal mistakes, bad judgment calls, weakness, immaturity, stupidity, and the list could go on and on.  However, I learned from those experiences and it has helped shape me into the person I am today.  Now while I realize that everyone will ultimately travel down their own path regardless of advice, opinions, and wisdom from others, I believe it definitely has a significant impact when they know that a person has endured and overcome what they're advising unto them.


I think that people get confused between giving their opinion and advising someone as to what to do.  First of all, when you're speaking to an adult all you can really do is give your opinion or tell someone what you experienced because at the end of the day they will do what they want to do anyway.  However, I find it easier to offer my opinion based on facts not speculation because then I can say "When I went through it....I did" but it doesn't really go over well if you're coming from the angle of "If it were me... I would".  No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you because it's not you and everyone knows when you're in a situation you might think about handling it one way and ultimately end up handling it a totally different way.  So I agree that no one knows what it's like until they've been through it, so if you're talking to or consulting with someone that you respect who has been through what you're going through, take heed to it. 


Quote of the Day: "No one really wants to know what you would do if it were you, they really want to know what you did when it was you!" ~ Candice Loper

Men, Women, Dating & Committment

Good Morning Blogfam!


It seems to me that people like to make excuses to validate why they make certain decisions.  I had a conversation yesterday about why men feel they have a hard time choosing one woman to settle down with.  There are many men who have a hard time making a decision because they have too many options.  Contrary to popular beliefs there is a such thing as too many options, especially for those who can never be truly satisfied.  So that is when the excuses begin because they need to blame their lack of commitment on something (even if that something is really nothing).


I believe that men tend to leave majority of the pressure and responsibility on a woman to specify what she wants.  Therefore, letting him off the hook from having to set some standards and actually personally enforce them.  If you ever notice, it's normally women who say things like I want a man who... and I want a man that... and I don't want a man that...  Now don't get my wrong, i'm not saying that men don't have standards because i'm sure they do, however the ones who are indecisive won't make their standards known because they have a tendency to change quite often.  The thing about standards is they do have the ability to change because your initial standards may not always produce the best results. 


The only thing that people (not just men) have to realize is that when you're dating someone, it is extremely important to be as honest and forthcoming with your feelings as possible.  There will be situations where you could unintentionally mislead someone into thinking that you want one thing when you know in your heart that you really want another thing.  I encourage everyone to be as honest as you possibly can while dating because that will be your most opportune time to do so.  How you behave while dating is a direct indication of how you will behave in a relationship.  If you make a date with someone and cancel at the last minute, that could be an indication to the person you're dating that you may be unreliable.  If your support if needed and you're not able to come through, that could be an indication that you're selfish or uncaring.  My point is, you have to be aware of your behavior at all times because your first impression is the lasting one.


Quote of the Day: "Your first impression could be your last if you're not clear on who you are or what you want." ~ Candice Loper