Happy New Years Eve Eve Blogfam!
So are you a repeat offender of the infamous New Years Resolutions? I have been in the past however I am going into this new year carrying on with the same thing I have started and established in 2010. There is no need for "new year" resolutions when you can make changes at any time of the year. We all have areas of improvement but I have never saw the benefit in placing all your flaws in a box and saving them for the last day of the year. The sooner you begin rectifying, the sooner you will see results.
I have to say that this has been one of the best years in a long time, so there is nothing that I would change going into the next year. I wouldn't be mad one bit if 2011 was the same as 2010, however I am pretty sure that it won't be because instead of resolutions I have GOALS!!! I feel that people put too much pressure on themselves and leave the possibility for contradiction and further procrastination when they make resolutions. How about instead of saying "I am going to stop smoking in 2011", more people should just say "A goal of mine is to stop smoking but I know it will take time, thankfully I am so glad that I started in 2010 so maybe sometime in 2011 I can be smoke free." However, some people don't have the ability to make realistic resolutions, so they just think of all the things they think they should change and try their best to do so but normally forget all about it within the first month of the year. Also, keep in mind that there are really too many letters in the word in the first place because if you omit some of those unnecessary letters, you will be left with RESULTS and at the end of the day that's all that matters!
Going into this new year I just want everyone to be safe, be sound, and be SECURE with who you are and your position in life.
Quote of the Day: "Love yourself and love your life so there won't be a need for resolutions, only results." ~ Candice Loper
Candy Girl
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
It's a Personal Thing
Good Morning Blogfam!
I know it's been a while and I just want you guys to know I haven't been intentionally neglecting you. Life happens all the time and there will always be times that require adequate prioritization.
There are many people who don't realize the effects that their mental stability (or instability) have on others. The way they treat others is normally based on their convenience, patience level, and ability to be respectful. I believe people who behave this way are the ones who don't have the ability or desire to look deep within themselves, realize their issues, and try their best to correct them. Consequently, what ultimately ends up happening is they find themselves constantly causing others pain without even realizing the severity of their actions. This is basically just another form of selfishness on so many levels; they are being selfish to themselves by not taking the time to get in touch with their issues and they are being selfish to others by causing them to feel the effects of their instability.
When you get to a point where you know exactly who you are and have the ability to embrace it, it becomes second nature to treat others as you would like to be treated. I don't think anyone will ever be free of issues because our attributes, as well as our flaws, make up a huge part of who we are. Therefore, if you find yourself being faced with someone who constantly hurts others to make themselves feel better, then you know that they are having a major internal conflict. I have realized that there is no one who can help a person relieve themselves of their own personal misery because it's something that they have to do on their own. The best therapy for people like this is to give them space to figure out who they are. I have found that when you stick around too long thinking you are being supportive; eventually you end up being the person requiring therapy.
Quote of the Day: "Don't drive yourself crazy just because someone else already ran out of gas on their long trip."~ Candice Loper
I know it's been a while and I just want you guys to know I haven't been intentionally neglecting you. Life happens all the time and there will always be times that require adequate prioritization.
There are many people who don't realize the effects that their mental stability (or instability) have on others. The way they treat others is normally based on their convenience, patience level, and ability to be respectful. I believe people who behave this way are the ones who don't have the ability or desire to look deep within themselves, realize their issues, and try their best to correct them. Consequently, what ultimately ends up happening is they find themselves constantly causing others pain without even realizing the severity of their actions. This is basically just another form of selfishness on so many levels; they are being selfish to themselves by not taking the time to get in touch with their issues and they are being selfish to others by causing them to feel the effects of their instability.
When you get to a point where you know exactly who you are and have the ability to embrace it, it becomes second nature to treat others as you would like to be treated. I don't think anyone will ever be free of issues because our attributes, as well as our flaws, make up a huge part of who we are. Therefore, if you find yourself being faced with someone who constantly hurts others to make themselves feel better, then you know that they are having a major internal conflict. I have realized that there is no one who can help a person relieve themselves of their own personal misery because it's something that they have to do on their own. The best therapy for people like this is to give them space to figure out who they are. I have found that when you stick around too long thinking you are being supportive; eventually you end up being the person requiring therapy.
Quote of the Day: "Don't drive yourself crazy just because someone else already ran out of gas on their long trip."~ Candice Loper
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Respect Rules!
Good Morning Blogfam!
I am having a difficult time understanding why people have such a hard time showing support and respect to others. Respect is a reciprocal action so you have to give it in order to receive it. It seems like people really underestimate the power of respect so that prevents them from understanding the significance in showing it. Respect means esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. Therefore, even in the case of self the fact still remains that respect is a reciprocal action that has to be given to be received. If you want others to recognize your personal qualities or abilities, you must have to ability recognize theirs because you'll only get back what you put out.
So many things in life call for showing a certain level of respect and regard. When you're constantly late for appointments, you aren't showing respect for the next persons time. When you find yourself judging others for being different from you, you aren't showing respect for that persons individuality. The list goes on an on but if there were more people in the world who showed regard for others, this world would definitely be a better place. Instead of there always being a battle of personalities and differences of livelihoods, there would be a phenomenon of peace and love. Some things are easier said then done, but I don't see how giving respect can be a hard thing to do.
My motivation behind this blog entry is because I am so sick and tired of seeing people tear each other down with the hopes of bringing themselves up. I don't see how putting someone else down can make anyone feel good about anything. On a personal level, I am pleased about where i'm at in life because I too have been there before where I only found myself solely focusing on the negative aspects of someone else. However, once I got to the root of my own issues I realized that I wasn't even happy with myself so how could I possibly have the ability to show respect and be happy for the next person. So as you can see, disrespect and negativity comes from a place of deeply embedded misery.
Quote of the Day: "We all have areas of improvement just as we all have areas where we excel. Focusing on the negative aspects of another person will never increase your personal qualities." ~ Candice Loper
I am having a difficult time understanding why people have such a hard time showing support and respect to others. Respect is a reciprocal action so you have to give it in order to receive it. It seems like people really underestimate the power of respect so that prevents them from understanding the significance in showing it. Respect means esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. Therefore, even in the case of self the fact still remains that respect is a reciprocal action that has to be given to be received. If you want others to recognize your personal qualities or abilities, you must have to ability recognize theirs because you'll only get back what you put out.
So many things in life call for showing a certain level of respect and regard. When you're constantly late for appointments, you aren't showing respect for the next persons time. When you find yourself judging others for being different from you, you aren't showing respect for that persons individuality. The list goes on an on but if there were more people in the world who showed regard for others, this world would definitely be a better place. Instead of there always being a battle of personalities and differences of livelihoods, there would be a phenomenon of peace and love. Some things are easier said then done, but I don't see how giving respect can be a hard thing to do.
My motivation behind this blog entry is because I am so sick and tired of seeing people tear each other down with the hopes of bringing themselves up. I don't see how putting someone else down can make anyone feel good about anything. On a personal level, I am pleased about where i'm at in life because I too have been there before where I only found myself solely focusing on the negative aspects of someone else. However, once I got to the root of my own issues I realized that I wasn't even happy with myself so how could I possibly have the ability to show respect and be happy for the next person. So as you can see, disrespect and negativity comes from a place of deeply embedded misery.
Quote of the Day: "We all have areas of improvement just as we all have areas where we excel. Focusing on the negative aspects of another person will never increase your personal qualities." ~ Candice Loper
Friday, December 10, 2010
Relationships Can Produce Happiness...If You Want It
Hey Hey Blogfam!!
I was having a conversation last night about why people stay in relationships with people that they know aren't the ones for them. I had to ponder on that for a second before responding because I have been in that position myself too many times. I came to the conclusion that we stay in relationships with unlikely people for a variety of reasons, that may not hold the most validity.
Firstly, I believe that conditional relationships tend to possess longevity because it's human nature to get used to certain things and not be able to let go of them. I am sure we have all had moments of being with someone for a specific reason that may be advantageous to us. However, what ends up happening is you get the opportunity to take advantage of your benefits but in the process you are not completely fulfilled. Then before you know it, you have wasted potentially valuable time when you knew initially that you didn't see a fulfilling future with that person.
Secondly, I believe that single people of certain demographic get impatient being alone so they settle for the first person that comes their way that even seems remotely interested in them. I notice this most often in women who are 35 and up. That tends to be the age when women perceive being alone as being lonely. There is a major difference between the two. When you are alone it just means that you are by yourself and that doesn't always have to be a bad thing. However, when you perceive yourself as being lonely you feel like your aloneness is a form of emptiness, which is the reason for filling the void with just about anything. Personally, I use my alone time as a time of reflection and self-actualization. Being alone is not such a bad thing, especially when you end up being with anyone just for the sake of being with someone and you still end up feeling a major sense of emptiness.
Lastly, I believe that people initially compromise the things they KNOW they want for things they THINK they can settle for. This is a major mistake that leads to the end of many relationships. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want within reason and going after it. However, if you're willing to compromise your potential for complete happiness just for the sake of being with someone, that is when you end up stuck in a situation that is not pleasing to you. I've said before that the most important person that you have to be honest with is YOU. No one else is responsible for telling you what it would take for you to be happy but you are responsible for knowing what you desire that will ultimately equate to happiness.
Quote of the Day: "The first sight of trouble normally happens at first sight. So don't ignore your intuitions unless you're willing to ignore your happiness." ~ Candice Loper
I was having a conversation last night about why people stay in relationships with people that they know aren't the ones for them. I had to ponder on that for a second before responding because I have been in that position myself too many times. I came to the conclusion that we stay in relationships with unlikely people for a variety of reasons, that may not hold the most validity.
Firstly, I believe that conditional relationships tend to possess longevity because it's human nature to get used to certain things and not be able to let go of them. I am sure we have all had moments of being with someone for a specific reason that may be advantageous to us. However, what ends up happening is you get the opportunity to take advantage of your benefits but in the process you are not completely fulfilled. Then before you know it, you have wasted potentially valuable time when you knew initially that you didn't see a fulfilling future with that person.
Secondly, I believe that single people of certain demographic get impatient being alone so they settle for the first person that comes their way that even seems remotely interested in them. I notice this most often in women who are 35 and up. That tends to be the age when women perceive being alone as being lonely. There is a major difference between the two. When you are alone it just means that you are by yourself and that doesn't always have to be a bad thing. However, when you perceive yourself as being lonely you feel like your aloneness is a form of emptiness, which is the reason for filling the void with just about anything. Personally, I use my alone time as a time of reflection and self-actualization. Being alone is not such a bad thing, especially when you end up being with anyone just for the sake of being with someone and you still end up feeling a major sense of emptiness.
Lastly, I believe that people initially compromise the things they KNOW they want for things they THINK they can settle for. This is a major mistake that leads to the end of many relationships. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want within reason and going after it. However, if you're willing to compromise your potential for complete happiness just for the sake of being with someone, that is when you end up stuck in a situation that is not pleasing to you. I've said before that the most important person that you have to be honest with is YOU. No one else is responsible for telling you what it would take for you to be happy but you are responsible for knowing what you desire that will ultimately equate to happiness.
Quote of the Day: "The first sight of trouble normally happens at first sight. So don't ignore your intuitions unless you're willing to ignore your happiness." ~ Candice Loper
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Be Aware of YOU!
Good Afternoon Blogfam!
The joy of being an individual is that you have the ability to live your life the way you want to. There are many times when people feel obligated to live their life a certain way due to pressure from others. However, one thing I have realized is that people normally try to direct others paths when they feel like they aren't wise enough to do it on their own. I believe that when a person lets their strength and wisdom shine through, others observe that and feel confident that they have the ability to make decisions for themselves. Therefore, if others are constantly advising you of how to live your life maybe it's time to realize some things about yourself. Perhaps you really do know who you are but you just aren't the best at making others feel your passion.
It's important to be secure in who you are so you can be confident with the decisions that you make. I have always come off as a strong woman even at times when I didn't feel like I was strong. However, others have always felt my strength because I am and always have been SECURE with who I am. That is not to say that I have always known what I want to do, but I have always known who I am beneath the surface. For example, I aspire to be a motivational speaker because I know I have the ability to make a difference in the lives of others that may have went through some of the things I have went through. Therefore, that is the reason why there is no one that has the power to persuade me to change my mind about what I want to do or who I want to be. For those of you who aren't quite sure who you want to be or what your passions are, I would encourage you to figure it out on your own. Don't let anyone else decide who you should be because then you ultimately end up being a figment of someone else's imagination. The only reason one would want to walk in someone elses' shadow is if they are walking down the path you already know you want to walk down. However, it is extremely important to have the ability to realize the path of the person advising because quite possibly, they may be trying to live out their failed dreams through you.
Quote of the Day: "It's not up to anyone else to determine your destiny. Maintain control of yourself and your life." ~ Candice Loper
The joy of being an individual is that you have the ability to live your life the way you want to. There are many times when people feel obligated to live their life a certain way due to pressure from others. However, one thing I have realized is that people normally try to direct others paths when they feel like they aren't wise enough to do it on their own. I believe that when a person lets their strength and wisdom shine through, others observe that and feel confident that they have the ability to make decisions for themselves. Therefore, if others are constantly advising you of how to live your life maybe it's time to realize some things about yourself. Perhaps you really do know who you are but you just aren't the best at making others feel your passion.
It's important to be secure in who you are so you can be confident with the decisions that you make. I have always come off as a strong woman even at times when I didn't feel like I was strong. However, others have always felt my strength because I am and always have been SECURE with who I am. That is not to say that I have always known what I want to do, but I have always known who I am beneath the surface. For example, I aspire to be a motivational speaker because I know I have the ability to make a difference in the lives of others that may have went through some of the things I have went through. Therefore, that is the reason why there is no one that has the power to persuade me to change my mind about what I want to do or who I want to be. For those of you who aren't quite sure who you want to be or what your passions are, I would encourage you to figure it out on your own. Don't let anyone else decide who you should be because then you ultimately end up being a figment of someone else's imagination. The only reason one would want to walk in someone elses' shadow is if they are walking down the path you already know you want to walk down. However, it is extremely important to have the ability to realize the path of the person advising because quite possibly, they may be trying to live out their failed dreams through you.
Quote of the Day: "It's not up to anyone else to determine your destiny. Maintain control of yourself and your life." ~ Candice Loper
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
It's Okay to Put Yourself Second
Good Morning Blogfam!
I know it's been a while since I have shared my thoughts with you but sometimes I have to take time to collect them. Today I want to talk about selfishness and the people who display that type of behavior. There are times when we will have selfish ways and possibly not even realize it. I bet you're asking how can someone be selfish and not know it? Well it is possible and I will tell you how.
Being selfish means that you are only concerned with yourself and advantage to the exclusion of others. There is a thin line between selfishness and putting oneself first. We are all supposed to keep our best interest in mind, however if your best interest means hurting someone else then you're being inconsiderate and selfish. I have struggled with this myself because it's human nature to want what you want and do what you have to do to get it. When it comes to relationships, I have experienced a considerable amount of inconsideration for my feelings and I too have also inflicted it upon others. Some people want to deal with others on a conditional basis but are not cognizant of the other persons interest level. Therefore, what ultimately ends up happening is you have one person who is extremely interested unconditionally and one person who is only interested in certain facets of the person. It''s understandable that most people are looking for the "total package" but taking different pieces of several people and trying to make it one is not the answer. The potential to hurt too many people is there and that is what makes a person selfish.
To prevent inflicting selfishness unto others it takes a certain amount of self-sacrifice because in order to make someone else happy, sometimes you have to put yourself second. That is if you care about a person enough, however those that don't truly care about the next person wouldn't be willing to do this. It could be a pride or ego thing that keeps people from putting the next person first, but those are the two things that tend to stand in the way of pure happiness. Why? Because when you don't have the ability to put your pride to the side, your main concern is not feeling like a fool.
Quote of the Day: "Don't let others be emotionally punished for your inconsiderate choices." ~ Candice Loper
I know it's been a while since I have shared my thoughts with you but sometimes I have to take time to collect them. Today I want to talk about selfishness and the people who display that type of behavior. There are times when we will have selfish ways and possibly not even realize it. I bet you're asking how can someone be selfish and not know it? Well it is possible and I will tell you how.
Being selfish means that you are only concerned with yourself and advantage to the exclusion of others. There is a thin line between selfishness and putting oneself first. We are all supposed to keep our best interest in mind, however if your best interest means hurting someone else then you're being inconsiderate and selfish. I have struggled with this myself because it's human nature to want what you want and do what you have to do to get it. When it comes to relationships, I have experienced a considerable amount of inconsideration for my feelings and I too have also inflicted it upon others. Some people want to deal with others on a conditional basis but are not cognizant of the other persons interest level. Therefore, what ultimately ends up happening is you have one person who is extremely interested unconditionally and one person who is only interested in certain facets of the person. It''s understandable that most people are looking for the "total package" but taking different pieces of several people and trying to make it one is not the answer. The potential to hurt too many people is there and that is what makes a person selfish.
To prevent inflicting selfishness unto others it takes a certain amount of self-sacrifice because in order to make someone else happy, sometimes you have to put yourself second. That is if you care about a person enough, however those that don't truly care about the next person wouldn't be willing to do this. It could be a pride or ego thing that keeps people from putting the next person first, but those are the two things that tend to stand in the way of pure happiness. Why? Because when you don't have the ability to put your pride to the side, your main concern is not feeling like a fool.
Quote of the Day: "Don't let others be emotionally punished for your inconsiderate choices." ~ Candice Loper
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Peace is POWER!
Good Afternoon Blogfam!
It is such an amazing feeling when you get to a place of peace and maturity. It makes you feel like you can carry the weight of the world on your shoulders while running a marathon. We have all had moments of unhappiness but there comes a time when you have to overcome that and move forward. Misery has the potential to serve as a roadblock on your way to peacefulness. Typically when people are miserable they don't have to ability to seek and find peace because they are so unhappy with themselves that they don't even know how to find anything about their life that is pleasing to them.
I have a very hard time talking to and understanding people who have nothing to do in life but complain. Life is not supposed to be perfect but it is supposed to be peaceful. I think that some people feel that peace is derived from having everything in life figured out. However, peace comes from knowing that you're working towards figuring things out. Peace is all about knowing that you are at or on your way to a better place. I realized that I had reached a certain level of peace when I was able to forgive myself and others for things I had experienced in the past. Unfortunately, everyone does not have the ability to do that. As weird as it sounds, some people embrace misery because they have never experienced happiness. When being unhappy with life is all someone has ever known there is really no way for them to know or realize that there is another side that is so pure that it will make their head spin! I have known people like this, and lets just say it was not the most enjoyable experience dealing with them. I want to enjoy a relationship with someone, I don't want to feel like I am tolerating them so when I feel like that's what i'm doing, I get as far away as possible.
The only thing I will tell people who are currently experiencing unhappiness is try not to transfer your negative energy onto others who are trying to retain peace in their lives. When people are unhappy it tends to give them ammunition to be nasty to others because they find joy in knowing that someone else is feeling just as worse as they are.
Quote of the Day: "Peace is pure and powerful. It gives you a sense of serenity that you may have never experienced before." ~ Candice Loper
It is such an amazing feeling when you get to a place of peace and maturity. It makes you feel like you can carry the weight of the world on your shoulders while running a marathon. We have all had moments of unhappiness but there comes a time when you have to overcome that and move forward. Misery has the potential to serve as a roadblock on your way to peacefulness. Typically when people are miserable they don't have to ability to seek and find peace because they are so unhappy with themselves that they don't even know how to find anything about their life that is pleasing to them.
I have a very hard time talking to and understanding people who have nothing to do in life but complain. Life is not supposed to be perfect but it is supposed to be peaceful. I think that some people feel that peace is derived from having everything in life figured out. However, peace comes from knowing that you're working towards figuring things out. Peace is all about knowing that you are at or on your way to a better place. I realized that I had reached a certain level of peace when I was able to forgive myself and others for things I had experienced in the past. Unfortunately, everyone does not have the ability to do that. As weird as it sounds, some people embrace misery because they have never experienced happiness. When being unhappy with life is all someone has ever known there is really no way for them to know or realize that there is another side that is so pure that it will make their head spin! I have known people like this, and lets just say it was not the most enjoyable experience dealing with them. I want to enjoy a relationship with someone, I don't want to feel like I am tolerating them so when I feel like that's what i'm doing, I get as far away as possible.
The only thing I will tell people who are currently experiencing unhappiness is try not to transfer your negative energy onto others who are trying to retain peace in their lives. When people are unhappy it tends to give them ammunition to be nasty to others because they find joy in knowing that someone else is feeling just as worse as they are.
Quote of the Day: "Peace is pure and powerful. It gives you a sense of serenity that you may have never experienced before." ~ Candice Loper
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thoughts Don't Have To Be Secrets!
Good Morning Blogfam!
There are times when people keep their expectations and feelings towards certain situations bottled up in a jar of hope. They want so badly for someone to be who they want them to be to them but they are the only person who is aware of it. When this takes place what ultimately ends up happening is some people let their emotions and disappointment get the best of them, then they begin to give off signs of resentment.
Personally, I am a friend who enjoys being a friend first before all else because I believe that friendship is the foundation for the long lasting structure. I would like to believe that it's easier to focus on being friends when there are no expectations for anything deeper. Consequently, the worst thing that a person can do to harm a friendship is to keep their feelings to themselves. I say this because people who care about one another will be honest about their thoughts, feelings, and expectations so the other person isn't being placed in a position to fail. When someone always tries to make me figure things out for myself or expect me to just read their mind, I get extremely frustrated because sometimes people need to be told so they can see and understand your perspective. Unfortunately, I have dealt with this too many times before, especially in the case of relationships. There always seems to be some kind of conflict and misunderstanding when people feel disappointed that someone is not living up to their expectations, however their feelings are self-inflicted because they haven't shared their expectations with the other person. I believe that stubborn people tend to be repeat offenders of this. They are so set in their ways that they have the mind frame that if they tell you what they're feeling then you're getting a free pass into their thoughts. I share my thoughts almost every day to the world so I can't seem to understand why people feel like they have to refrain sharing their thoughts with people they have a personal relationship with.
The point of all this is to let you know that it's okay to share your thoughts. Maybe you have been hurt or disappointed before after letting someone know what your expectations were, but at least you had the courage to be forthcoming with your feelings. This is not to say that you have to reveal everything that is on your mind, but if it is something that could potentially make or break the status of your friendship or relationship then it's best and fair to everyone to get it out.
Quote of the Day: "Your thoughts are only yours if you're the only person who will benefit or be affected by them." ~ Candice Loper
There are times when people keep their expectations and feelings towards certain situations bottled up in a jar of hope. They want so badly for someone to be who they want them to be to them but they are the only person who is aware of it. When this takes place what ultimately ends up happening is some people let their emotions and disappointment get the best of them, then they begin to give off signs of resentment.
Personally, I am a friend who enjoys being a friend first before all else because I believe that friendship is the foundation for the long lasting structure. I would like to believe that it's easier to focus on being friends when there are no expectations for anything deeper. Consequently, the worst thing that a person can do to harm a friendship is to keep their feelings to themselves. I say this because people who care about one another will be honest about their thoughts, feelings, and expectations so the other person isn't being placed in a position to fail. When someone always tries to make me figure things out for myself or expect me to just read their mind, I get extremely frustrated because sometimes people need to be told so they can see and understand your perspective. Unfortunately, I have dealt with this too many times before, especially in the case of relationships. There always seems to be some kind of conflict and misunderstanding when people feel disappointed that someone is not living up to their expectations, however their feelings are self-inflicted because they haven't shared their expectations with the other person. I believe that stubborn people tend to be repeat offenders of this. They are so set in their ways that they have the mind frame that if they tell you what they're feeling then you're getting a free pass into their thoughts. I share my thoughts almost every day to the world so I can't seem to understand why people feel like they have to refrain sharing their thoughts with people they have a personal relationship with.
The point of all this is to let you know that it's okay to share your thoughts. Maybe you have been hurt or disappointed before after letting someone know what your expectations were, but at least you had the courage to be forthcoming with your feelings. This is not to say that you have to reveal everything that is on your mind, but if it is something that could potentially make or break the status of your friendship or relationship then it's best and fair to everyone to get it out.
Quote of the Day: "Your thoughts are only yours if you're the only person who will benefit or be affected by them." ~ Candice Loper
Monday, November 29, 2010
They'll get it...if they want to
Good Morning Blogfam!
Well the holiday is over and my focus is BACK!
When your friends or family are going through tough times in relationships, depending on the severity of the issues it can get quite frustrating. I am sure we have all been there at some time or another when we wanted our loved ones to just see their situation through our eyes. Unfortunately it rarely ever works out like that because everyone realizes things in their own time.
I had a conversation with a friend about a previous relationship of mines and their question to me was: "Why did you stay in it if it was that bad?" Well there were many reasons why I stayed in that particular dysfunctional relationship. I wouldn't necessarily label those reasons as valid today but they were definitely relevant at the time it was taking place. The one thing that I believe it is important for people to understand is when people are in bad situations they don't have the ability to see things clearly. In my case, I completely lost all faith in who I knew myself to be. Had I remained the same Candice that I knew prior to then, I may have had the ability to overcome the pain and agony before it became severe. That's not to say that the Candice I was then is the same Candice that I am now, but no matter how you look at it, many facets of you will always be a part of your being. When your self worth turns into self doubt, eventually you begin living your life based on what you think you need to do or who you need to be based on how someone else may perceive you.
As a caring person you have to have a certain level of patience and understanding in order to be there for someone who may need all the support they can get. I believe people get that fine line between support and advice confused which is what causes frustration. For some people, when a friend comes to them to talk about a problem, instead of just being there they feel as though they have to provide advice. Sometimes the best advice is no advice because then you aren't putting yourself in a position where you have expectations of someone else's realization or reactions. It's actually quite funny to me now because when I was going through tough times previously I would have many conversations with friends for purposes of support, and at times advice. However, when I finally decided to realize that I had enough I didn't converse with anyone about it. I made my mind up and kept it moving. I shared that bit of information as a testament to the fact that everyone will do things in their own time, so just be patient and supportive at all times. They'll get it....if they want to.
Quote of the Day: "The joy of time is we all get to live each moment however we choose to. Don't expect someone to live life on your type of time." ~ Candice Loper
Well the holiday is over and my focus is BACK!
When your friends or family are going through tough times in relationships, depending on the severity of the issues it can get quite frustrating. I am sure we have all been there at some time or another when we wanted our loved ones to just see their situation through our eyes. Unfortunately it rarely ever works out like that because everyone realizes things in their own time.
I had a conversation with a friend about a previous relationship of mines and their question to me was: "Why did you stay in it if it was that bad?" Well there were many reasons why I stayed in that particular dysfunctional relationship. I wouldn't necessarily label those reasons as valid today but they were definitely relevant at the time it was taking place. The one thing that I believe it is important for people to understand is when people are in bad situations they don't have the ability to see things clearly. In my case, I completely lost all faith in who I knew myself to be. Had I remained the same Candice that I knew prior to then, I may have had the ability to overcome the pain and agony before it became severe. That's not to say that the Candice I was then is the same Candice that I am now, but no matter how you look at it, many facets of you will always be a part of your being. When your self worth turns into self doubt, eventually you begin living your life based on what you think you need to do or who you need to be based on how someone else may perceive you.
As a caring person you have to have a certain level of patience and understanding in order to be there for someone who may need all the support they can get. I believe people get that fine line between support and advice confused which is what causes frustration. For some people, when a friend comes to them to talk about a problem, instead of just being there they feel as though they have to provide advice. Sometimes the best advice is no advice because then you aren't putting yourself in a position where you have expectations of someone else's realization or reactions. It's actually quite funny to me now because when I was going through tough times previously I would have many conversations with friends for purposes of support, and at times advice. However, when I finally decided to realize that I had enough I didn't converse with anyone about it. I made my mind up and kept it moving. I shared that bit of information as a testament to the fact that everyone will do things in their own time, so just be patient and supportive at all times. They'll get it....if they want to.
Quote of the Day: "The joy of time is we all get to live each moment however we choose to. Don't expect someone to live life on your type of time." ~ Candice Loper
Monday, November 22, 2010
Effective Communication Takes Open Minds!
Good Morning Blogfam!
It's very rare for me to be speechless, especially in conversations that deal with love and relationships. However, I listened in on a conversation of a few 30+ individuals regarding why relationships fail. Majority of the women held a position that communication, or lack thereof is what tends to make relationships fail. As shocking as it may seem, the men didn't really have one particular reason but that's okay. There was a time before when I felt as though I was extremely bitter due to the things I had experienced in my previous relationships but after listening to this conversation, I realized that I wasn't bitter at all; I was aware.
I watched an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta where NeNe was upset with her husband Greg because of their failing marriage. She accused him of being a bad communicator which is what led to their problems. As a result of her accusations, Greg made a statement that "communication ain't talking". After listening to the conversation on Saturday night, I had come to the same conclusion as Greg. Some people use lack of communication as the reason why their relationships fail but communication isn't just talking. When you're in a relationship it's important to learn your significant other inside and out. It's actually funny that I used that particular choice of words; inside and out. If your significant other is an introvert than you can be sure that you won't get too many verbal responses out of this person, but that doesn't mean that they aren't telling you anything. You have to be open enough to pay attention to the signs. For example, if your man/woman had a bad day at the office, they come home with a slight attitude, and just don't want to talk that shouldn't be a cause for an argument. Quite possibly the situation can be rectified by running him/her some bath water, pouring a glass of wine, and just being there for that moment when they finally decide to talk about it. Arguments normally stem from people not getting a certain reaction or response when they want it, which can be prevented.
The biggest problem I see with communication is that people want what they want in the way that they want it. Maybe you are a talker and like to express yourself through words while your significant other chooses to express themselves through actions. Are you going to be get upset and allow your relationship to fail because of your own personal stubbornness? Believe it or not, that is a form of stubbornness; when you are expecting someone to communicate with you on your terms and get upset when they don't. If more people realized that talking is doesn't always answer your questions it would probably save more relationships. There have been times where I have had hour long conversations and by the end of it still had come to no resolution. This basically means we both wasted an hour of our lives talking for absolutely no reason. None of this is to say that you should try and figure things out, my only point is don't always look for your answers in the words because you may be able to learn a whole lot more just by recognizing certain behaviors.
Quote of the Day: "Words are only as relevant as the person they're coming from." ~ Candice Loper
It's very rare for me to be speechless, especially in conversations that deal with love and relationships. However, I listened in on a conversation of a few 30+ individuals regarding why relationships fail. Majority of the women held a position that communication, or lack thereof is what tends to make relationships fail. As shocking as it may seem, the men didn't really have one particular reason but that's okay. There was a time before when I felt as though I was extremely bitter due to the things I had experienced in my previous relationships but after listening to this conversation, I realized that I wasn't bitter at all; I was aware.
I watched an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta where NeNe was upset with her husband Greg because of their failing marriage. She accused him of being a bad communicator which is what led to their problems. As a result of her accusations, Greg made a statement that "communication ain't talking". After listening to the conversation on Saturday night, I had come to the same conclusion as Greg. Some people use lack of communication as the reason why their relationships fail but communication isn't just talking. When you're in a relationship it's important to learn your significant other inside and out. It's actually funny that I used that particular choice of words; inside and out. If your significant other is an introvert than you can be sure that you won't get too many verbal responses out of this person, but that doesn't mean that they aren't telling you anything. You have to be open enough to pay attention to the signs. For example, if your man/woman had a bad day at the office, they come home with a slight attitude, and just don't want to talk that shouldn't be a cause for an argument. Quite possibly the situation can be rectified by running him/her some bath water, pouring a glass of wine, and just being there for that moment when they finally decide to talk about it. Arguments normally stem from people not getting a certain reaction or response when they want it, which can be prevented.
The biggest problem I see with communication is that people want what they want in the way that they want it. Maybe you are a talker and like to express yourself through words while your significant other chooses to express themselves through actions. Are you going to be get upset and allow your relationship to fail because of your own personal stubbornness? Believe it or not, that is a form of stubbornness; when you are expecting someone to communicate with you on your terms and get upset when they don't. If more people realized that talking is doesn't always answer your questions it would probably save more relationships. There have been times where I have had hour long conversations and by the end of it still had come to no resolution. This basically means we both wasted an hour of our lives talking for absolutely no reason. None of this is to say that you should try and figure things out, my only point is don't always look for your answers in the words because you may be able to learn a whole lot more just by recognizing certain behaviors.
Quote of the Day: "Words are only as relevant as the person they're coming from." ~ Candice Loper
Friday, November 19, 2010
Live a Little...or a lot!
Happy Friday Blogfam!
Do you ever feel like you life is just one big schedule? It seems as though majority of your time is spent attending meetings, appointments, work, conferences, or events. When you're constantly busy it takes away from the spontaneity that life has to offer. I believe that people get trapped in the natural routine of things that they don't find time to just either do nothing or to do something they wouldn't normally do. I understand that structure is necessary in order to maintain a certain level of order in your life, however spontaneity doesn't automatically constitute disorganization or lack of prioritization.
Over time I have realized that when you prioritize, things will fall into place. However, when you spend majority of your time trying to plan or schedule every single minute of your life, before you know it so much time will have passed and you may be asking yourself "where did the time go?" I have always been a very spontaneous person because I like to experience and enjoy the unexpected. There is nothing like doing something you've never did in the spur of the moment. It's gives me a thrill and a natural high that I don't normally feel. Not to mention, the funnest people to be with are the ones who enjoy life and all that it brings. In addition to other factors, I think a lack of spontaneity is what ruins a lot of relationships. People get caught up in routines and they forget that the element of surprise has the ability to provide that "turn on factor" that's necessary to keep the relationship spicy. As with most things in life, it's important to have a balance or else you will end up wasting away doing the things you don't particularly enjoy doing. This goes hand in hand with risk and reward; being spontaneous can involve taking risks so you have to recognize the potential rewards from your actions. Personally, my reward tends to be pleasure and fulfillment in doing what makes me happy.
Quote of the Day: "If your structure is strong enough, a slight breeze of spontaneity won't be able to tear it down. Have fun and enjoy life!" ~ Candice Loper
Do you ever feel like you life is just one big schedule? It seems as though majority of your time is spent attending meetings, appointments, work, conferences, or events. When you're constantly busy it takes away from the spontaneity that life has to offer. I believe that people get trapped in the natural routine of things that they don't find time to just either do nothing or to do something they wouldn't normally do. I understand that structure is necessary in order to maintain a certain level of order in your life, however spontaneity doesn't automatically constitute disorganization or lack of prioritization.
Over time I have realized that when you prioritize, things will fall into place. However, when you spend majority of your time trying to plan or schedule every single minute of your life, before you know it so much time will have passed and you may be asking yourself "where did the time go?" I have always been a very spontaneous person because I like to experience and enjoy the unexpected. There is nothing like doing something you've never did in the spur of the moment. It's gives me a thrill and a natural high that I don't normally feel. Not to mention, the funnest people to be with are the ones who enjoy life and all that it brings. In addition to other factors, I think a lack of spontaneity is what ruins a lot of relationships. People get caught up in routines and they forget that the element of surprise has the ability to provide that "turn on factor" that's necessary to keep the relationship spicy. As with most things in life, it's important to have a balance or else you will end up wasting away doing the things you don't particularly enjoy doing. This goes hand in hand with risk and reward; being spontaneous can involve taking risks so you have to recognize the potential rewards from your actions. Personally, my reward tends to be pleasure and fulfillment in doing what makes me happy.
Quote of the Day: "If your structure is strong enough, a slight breeze of spontaneity won't be able to tear it down. Have fun and enjoy life!" ~ Candice Loper
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Reflect Don't Dwell
Good Morning Blogfam!
Have you ever taken the time out to reflect on your life? Well I am here to tell you that is is extremely important to do so in order to realize your strengths and weaknesses. When you look in the mirror what do you see? You see a reflection of yourself in that mirror; sometimes your hair can't get right, you may have a pimple, or you just look damn good! Therefore, when you take the time out to reflect on your past, you then have the ability to recognize areas of improvement or areas where you are satisfied. However, self-reflection is not to be confused with dwelling on the past because there is a major difference. Those who dwell on the past are typically people who have endured painful experiences which they struggle to move forward from. Those who reflect are people who focus on the positive and negative aspects of their past.
On a personal note I have endured many tough experiences in my past that I never thought I would be able to get past. Specifically in the case of relationships because I always had a difficult time understanding why things didn't work out. So instead of reflecting on the entire situation to determine my values and flaws, I dwelled on it and only ended up beating myself up because all I could focus on were the flaws. Eventually I realized that looking at the past negatively was placing a barrier on my mental progression. There came a time when my thoughts on the past were taking over me mentally which hindered my entire thinking process. I felt like I was stranded on deserted island and my past was the water surrounding me. Eventually there came a time when I had to swim to reach land (which symbolized my present). Once I was able to get through the past to reach my present, the only time I was faced with revisiting my past was when I was flying over it to get to my destination.
Quote of the Day: "Don't let your present suffer for the things your past did." ~ Candice Loper
Have you ever taken the time out to reflect on your life? Well I am here to tell you that is is extremely important to do so in order to realize your strengths and weaknesses. When you look in the mirror what do you see? You see a reflection of yourself in that mirror; sometimes your hair can't get right, you may have a pimple, or you just look damn good! Therefore, when you take the time out to reflect on your past, you then have the ability to recognize areas of improvement or areas where you are satisfied. However, self-reflection is not to be confused with dwelling on the past because there is a major difference. Those who dwell on the past are typically people who have endured painful experiences which they struggle to move forward from. Those who reflect are people who focus on the positive and negative aspects of their past.
On a personal note I have endured many tough experiences in my past that I never thought I would be able to get past. Specifically in the case of relationships because I always had a difficult time understanding why things didn't work out. So instead of reflecting on the entire situation to determine my values and flaws, I dwelled on it and only ended up beating myself up because all I could focus on were the flaws. Eventually I realized that looking at the past negatively was placing a barrier on my mental progression. There came a time when my thoughts on the past were taking over me mentally which hindered my entire thinking process. I felt like I was stranded on deserted island and my past was the water surrounding me. Eventually there came a time when I had to swim to reach land (which symbolized my present). Once I was able to get through the past to reach my present, the only time I was faced with revisiting my past was when I was flying over it to get to my destination.
Quote of the Day: "Don't let your present suffer for the things your past did." ~ Candice Loper
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
No Goals = No Life
Good Morning Blogfam!
Goals are a very important part of life for each and every one of us. Goals gives you something concrete to strive for, as well as providing you with a purpose. There are too many people in the world that are just here. When you have a limited sense of motivation you are pretty much proving that you are content with the life you are living. Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that because that could just be the path that you are on in life. Maybe your path consists of waiting for everything to fall in your lap or waiting for your purpose to be revealed to you one day. Who am I to judge?? However, I would think that a path of waiting couldn't possibly be as fulfilling as going out to get it.
There have been times when I didn't know if I was coming or going and pretty much just living a day-to-day life. However, once I realized what my passion was I began goal-setting to fulfill my purpose. The most successful people aren't the ones who had their careers and riches handed to them, they are the ones who planned and worked really hard to reach their goals. When I didn't have anything I was striving for I felt so lost and confused. Not to mention, I was easily swayed by others on what they thought my passion should be. Eventually I began to realize my purpose and that's when I wasn't easily swayed anymore. There is a contrast to that also because there will be times when you have figured out what you want to do and where you want to go, but then you have those people who are trying to persuade you to take another route. Sometimes this stems from people who may have tried to pursue your goals but was unsuccessful or people who think they know you better than you know yourself.
Setting goals doesn't just pertain to adults either, especially when you have children. Children don't have the ability to plan their future when they're young. Therefore, as their parents we have to have goals for ourselves as well as having initial goals for our children.
Quote of the Day: "Your opportunities are only as limited as your aspirations." ~ Candice Loper
Goals are a very important part of life for each and every one of us. Goals gives you something concrete to strive for, as well as providing you with a purpose. There are too many people in the world that are just here. When you have a limited sense of motivation you are pretty much proving that you are content with the life you are living. Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that because that could just be the path that you are on in life. Maybe your path consists of waiting for everything to fall in your lap or waiting for your purpose to be revealed to you one day. Who am I to judge?? However, I would think that a path of waiting couldn't possibly be as fulfilling as going out to get it.
There have been times when I didn't know if I was coming or going and pretty much just living a day-to-day life. However, once I realized what my passion was I began goal-setting to fulfill my purpose. The most successful people aren't the ones who had their careers and riches handed to them, they are the ones who planned and worked really hard to reach their goals. When I didn't have anything I was striving for I felt so lost and confused. Not to mention, I was easily swayed by others on what they thought my passion should be. Eventually I began to realize my purpose and that's when I wasn't easily swayed anymore. There is a contrast to that also because there will be times when you have figured out what you want to do and where you want to go, but then you have those people who are trying to persuade you to take another route. Sometimes this stems from people who may have tried to pursue your goals but was unsuccessful or people who think they know you better than you know yourself.
Setting goals doesn't just pertain to adults either, especially when you have children. Children don't have the ability to plan their future when they're young. Therefore, as their parents we have to have goals for ourselves as well as having initial goals for our children.
Quote of the Day: "Your opportunities are only as limited as your aspirations." ~ Candice Loper
Monday, November 15, 2010
United We Stand...Divided We Fall!
Good Afternoon Blogfam!
What do you do when you have no motivation? You have to seek and find motivation from somewhere. Today has been a fairly thoughtless day for me, which I am not complaining about whatsoever. However, I had to dig down deep to find something that moves me to talk to you about today.
I have problems with division, and no i'm talking about mathematically. I'm speaking about division amongst people who should be united. I've seen this happen far too many times in many different cases. I think it bothers me most in the case of family and women. Friends and enemies come and go very easily because you're not bound by anything. However, no matter how you look at it family is forever. It makes no sense to battle your family members when there are so many exterior battles that could be won if everyone could come together and form an alliance. While I also realize that individual personalities have a tendency to clash, many times when issues arise it's because of something much deeper than just a personality conflict. Whether it be friends or family, if you find yourself having a hard time being happy or connecting with people on a personal level it could be due to something that you're lacking.
Now we all know that women have the hardest time giving another woman credit where it's due. I'm not sure if it's egotistical, jealousy, selfishness, or just plain old misery but I do feel that more women should extend compliments and kudos when appropriate. If we lift each other up, then it would be much harder for someone else to break us down. So I encourage my beautiful women to give a compliment today to someone without caring about how they receive it. I promise it will make you feel better and deep down it may make her feel better too.
Quote of the Day: "Think of your relationships as weights. Try your best to lift them up and you'll get stronger in the process." ~ Candice Loper
What do you do when you have no motivation? You have to seek and find motivation from somewhere. Today has been a fairly thoughtless day for me, which I am not complaining about whatsoever. However, I had to dig down deep to find something that moves me to talk to you about today.
I have problems with division, and no i'm talking about mathematically. I'm speaking about division amongst people who should be united. I've seen this happen far too many times in many different cases. I think it bothers me most in the case of family and women. Friends and enemies come and go very easily because you're not bound by anything. However, no matter how you look at it family is forever. It makes no sense to battle your family members when there are so many exterior battles that could be won if everyone could come together and form an alliance. While I also realize that individual personalities have a tendency to clash, many times when issues arise it's because of something much deeper than just a personality conflict. Whether it be friends or family, if you find yourself having a hard time being happy or connecting with people on a personal level it could be due to something that you're lacking.
Now we all know that women have the hardest time giving another woman credit where it's due. I'm not sure if it's egotistical, jealousy, selfishness, or just plain old misery but I do feel that more women should extend compliments and kudos when appropriate. If we lift each other up, then it would be much harder for someone else to break us down. So I encourage my beautiful women to give a compliment today to someone without caring about how they receive it. I promise it will make you feel better and deep down it may make her feel better too.
Quote of the Day: "Think of your relationships as weights. Try your best to lift them up and you'll get stronger in the process." ~ Candice Loper
Friday, November 12, 2010
Positive Actions Produce Positive Results
Good Morning Blogfam!
Life won't always consist of what we want so we have to have the ability to recognize the bad, while trying our best to reform it into good. Some people just don't have the ability to do that, so as a result they end up ACCEPTING it. What they aren't realizing is that accepting is much different than recognizing. When you recognize something you are basically identifying and analyzing it for potential change. Whereas when you accept something you are setting yourself up to deal with it is as is.
My ability to recognize and reform my bad is due to a number of things. However, the primary reason is because I see reformation as a positive challenge. It gives me a feeling of victory to know that I was able to successfully contribute to my happiness by taking something bad and making it good. This doesn't just apply to things in a physical sense, this is also deals with our perspectives and behavior. When you look at things from a bad perspective it blocks your ability to see the positive side of the situation. In my opinion, when things are bad it doesn't mean that everything is bad, it just means you have to dig a little deeper to recognize the good.
There have been times before when I have tried to persuade my friends to see what I thought was positive in a situation that they saw as being negative. However, eventually I realized that you can't persuade anyone to see things a certain way, they just have to be tired of seeing things the way they do. On a personal note I hate being down, I hate feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I hate being robbed of my optimism. So my alleviation method is to keep a positive perspective and continue to remind myself that "It's never as bad as it seems".
Quote of the Day: "
Life won't always consist of what we want so we have to have the ability to recognize the bad, while trying our best to reform it into good. Some people just don't have the ability to do that, so as a result they end up ACCEPTING it. What they aren't realizing is that accepting is much different than recognizing. When you recognize something you are basically identifying and analyzing it for potential change. Whereas when you accept something you are setting yourself up to deal with it is as is.
My ability to recognize and reform my bad is due to a number of things. However, the primary reason is because I see reformation as a positive challenge. It gives me a feeling of victory to know that I was able to successfully contribute to my happiness by taking something bad and making it good. This doesn't just apply to things in a physical sense, this is also deals with our perspectives and behavior. When you look at things from a bad perspective it blocks your ability to see the positive side of the situation. In my opinion, when things are bad it doesn't mean that everything is bad, it just means you have to dig a little deeper to recognize the good.
There have been times before when I have tried to persuade my friends to see what I thought was positive in a situation that they saw as being negative. However, eventually I realized that you can't persuade anyone to see things a certain way, they just have to be tired of seeing things the way they do. On a personal note I hate being down, I hate feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I hate being robbed of my optimism. So my alleviation method is to keep a positive perspective and continue to remind myself that "It's never as bad as it seems".
Quote of the Day: "
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