I know it seems so weird seeing me actually post on my blog. I was saddened to see that I had not shared my in depth thoughts in nearly two years! Well during that time I have learned, loved, been hurt, hurt others, lost focus, found focus, prospered, lost sight of my purpose, found my purpose and just did what a lot of us do....I've LIVED!
I was sitting here reminiscing about those days when I used to write daily. It was peaceful, it was insightful and it was relaxing. Why oh why did I ever stop? I was wondering why I was finding it more difficult to find my happy place during times of despair, why I felt so compelled to cry when I thought I had no more tears, why I felt so insecure when I thought I was so confident and why I felt so unsure when I thought I was so certain. In many ways it could have been a blessing in disguise for me to take a break from my peace "crutch" because if I didn't maybe I wouldn't have learned how to deal with some of the situations I have experienced. Sometimes we have to revisit and even at times change our perspective regarding things in order to deal with them on a case by case basis. Otherwise, you'll find yourself being biased before you even get a chance to deal with what you're faced with.
It seems as though every time I feel like I have things figured out there is always something that happens to let me know that it's so much more to this life of mines than what I thought it could ever be. Almost like God is saying "Oh you thought it was going to be that easy, huh? Well guess what?? NOT THIS TIME!" I used to ask that question that no one ever really has a straight answer to. Why?
However, why doesn't matter because normally why is only asked when what has happened has already happened. I've learned to look forward to when because when is an indication of the anticipation for what's to come. I'm trying to learn how to appreciate my blessings of today because I realize that tomorrow is not guaranteed and I would hate to spend what could potentially be my last day on this Earth being hurt, angry or confused. It's time to start restoring my faith in optimism because what's going to be is going to be.
CandyNote: Optimism is necessary to control your emotions regarding the events of today.
Candy Girl
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Your Foundation Determines Your Future
Good Morning Blogfam!
In order for relationships to be successful it's important to start out by laying a strong foundation. It seems that a lot of people enter into relationships and their goal straight out the gate is getting to the finish line. However, in order to get to the finish line you have to put the work in and have something about you that sets you apart from the rest. It's especially important to make sure you condition yourself beforehand because if you're not strong then you'll find yourself depending on someone else for your strength.
One of the keys to a strong foundation starts with getting to know more about your mate than what's on the surface. You have to desire to know more about them, their life, their character, their goals, and even their intentions. Moreover they have to be willing to share those things; if they're not then it means they don't desire to get to know you or let you in to their world. Communication is extremely important as well because you have to be open to talking about anything and everything, no matter how sensitive the topic. Things won't always be great because that's unrealistic but if you can talk it out and come to a resolution that works best for both of you then that will keep your foundation strong.
Now I understand why the reference to a relationship is the same as a home. Your home must have a strong foundation to endure any kind of weather, protect your from outsiders who try to ruin you, provide a sense of comfort, and be a place that you enjoy spending time. That's how you want your relationship to be as well.
CandyNote: Your relationship is an investment so don't be afraid to put a lot into it because ultimately that will determine your return in the future.
In order for relationships to be successful it's important to start out by laying a strong foundation. It seems that a lot of people enter into relationships and their goal straight out the gate is getting to the finish line. However, in order to get to the finish line you have to put the work in and have something about you that sets you apart from the rest. It's especially important to make sure you condition yourself beforehand because if you're not strong then you'll find yourself depending on someone else for your strength.
One of the keys to a strong foundation starts with getting to know more about your mate than what's on the surface. You have to desire to know more about them, their life, their character, their goals, and even their intentions. Moreover they have to be willing to share those things; if they're not then it means they don't desire to get to know you or let you in to their world. Communication is extremely important as well because you have to be open to talking about anything and everything, no matter how sensitive the topic. Things won't always be great because that's unrealistic but if you can talk it out and come to a resolution that works best for both of you then that will keep your foundation strong.
Now I understand why the reference to a relationship is the same as a home. Your home must have a strong foundation to endure any kind of weather, protect your from outsiders who try to ruin you, provide a sense of comfort, and be a place that you enjoy spending time. That's how you want your relationship to be as well.
CandyNote: Your relationship is an investment so don't be afraid to put a lot into it because ultimately that will determine your return in the future.
Monday, December 12, 2011
You'll Know
Good Morning Blogfam!
There are many times that we find ourselves in situations that we don't want to be in. In contrast, there are also situations that we really want to be in but it may not be acceptable by others or society so it prevents us from doing what's truly pleasing to us. Majority of people live their life based on what's acceptable according to society's standard. The thing about society is it's so diverse so there will always be someone somewhere who is walking down the same path you want to walk down or are walking down.
I am the type of person who loves to talk things out with those that I am close to. Not necessarily for approval, but in situations where i'm not sure if my decision will be accepted I will seek confirmation. However, what I realized a long time ago is that when you do something that you know will ultimately make you the happiest, you won't need confirmation, advice, or feedback from anyone else. The most serious, defining, life-changing decisions that i've ever had to make were made without any prior discussion with anyone else. It's almost as though I had an epiphany that was so clear that my thoughts, vision, and feelings towards it were all the confirmation I needed. When I reflect on the past and think back to some of the decisions i've made, I realize that those type of decisions brought about the best results.
I believe that a major part of the reason why people are so confused in life and lack efficient decision-making skills is due to a constant need of confirmation from others. What they fail to realize is you are the one who will be most affected by your decisions so why ask someone who has nothing invested in YOUR life. Please don't get what I am saying confused; i'm not saying that no one has any valuable advice or haven't endured any personal experiences that could help you with a tough decision you are trying to make. In a nutshell, i'm saying that typically in the case of making serious decisions, you won't need their advice because you'll feel so strongly about your feelings towards the situation.
CandyNote: If you're still confused then now is not the time to make that decision because when you are confident there no questions...only answers, actions, and results.
There are many times that we find ourselves in situations that we don't want to be in. In contrast, there are also situations that we really want to be in but it may not be acceptable by others or society so it prevents us from doing what's truly pleasing to us. Majority of people live their life based on what's acceptable according to society's standard. The thing about society is it's so diverse so there will always be someone somewhere who is walking down the same path you want to walk down or are walking down.
I am the type of person who loves to talk things out with those that I am close to. Not necessarily for approval, but in situations where i'm not sure if my decision will be accepted I will seek confirmation. However, what I realized a long time ago is that when you do something that you know will ultimately make you the happiest, you won't need confirmation, advice, or feedback from anyone else. The most serious, defining, life-changing decisions that i've ever had to make were made without any prior discussion with anyone else. It's almost as though I had an epiphany that was so clear that my thoughts, vision, and feelings towards it were all the confirmation I needed. When I reflect on the past and think back to some of the decisions i've made, I realize that those type of decisions brought about the best results.
I believe that a major part of the reason why people are so confused in life and lack efficient decision-making skills is due to a constant need of confirmation from others. What they fail to realize is you are the one who will be most affected by your decisions so why ask someone who has nothing invested in YOUR life. Please don't get what I am saying confused; i'm not saying that no one has any valuable advice or haven't endured any personal experiences that could help you with a tough decision you are trying to make. In a nutshell, i'm saying that typically in the case of making serious decisions, you won't need their advice because you'll feel so strongly about your feelings towards the situation.
CandyNote: If you're still confused then now is not the time to make that decision because when you are confident there no questions...only answers, actions, and results.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
You Can't Force It
Good Morning Blogfam!
When a person is really interested in doing something they won't need much convincing for them to do it. Speaking from personal experience, I can say that I notice a difference in my excitement level when it comes to doing something that I really want to do and something I don't want to do. I feel that a lot of people have trouble being able to gage the interest level of people so they find themselves wasting valuable time trying to persuade them to do certain things. It's very important to be able to determine whether a person is truly interested or if they are doing it out of pressure or obligation.
The reason why this comes to mind is because I was thinking yesterday about how I always find myself trying to reach out to my children's fathers to basically invite them in their kids life on the level that would be sufficient for the children and others involved. Parenting is extremely hard work, especially when you want the best for your children. I'm not talking about material things because to me that's not necessarily what I classify as the "best". As a mother I feel proud when I can sit at a play and watch my daughter sing, I feel proud when I know every teacher and they know me, I feel proud when I see them wake up, I feel proud when I see the people they are becoming, and I feel proud to be their mother. Granted, parents learn lessons every day and there will be situations that take place that prevent us from doing all we can but there is always something you can do to remain relevant in your children's lives and contribute to their happiness.
CandyNote: In the battle of Contentment vs. Convincing, contentment will always win because no matter how much you talk people won't change if they are comfortable with their situation.
When a person is really interested in doing something they won't need much convincing for them to do it. Speaking from personal experience, I can say that I notice a difference in my excitement level when it comes to doing something that I really want to do and something I don't want to do. I feel that a lot of people have trouble being able to gage the interest level of people so they find themselves wasting valuable time trying to persuade them to do certain things. It's very important to be able to determine whether a person is truly interested or if they are doing it out of pressure or obligation.
The reason why this comes to mind is because I was thinking yesterday about how I always find myself trying to reach out to my children's fathers to basically invite them in their kids life on the level that would be sufficient for the children and others involved. Parenting is extremely hard work, especially when you want the best for your children. I'm not talking about material things because to me that's not necessarily what I classify as the "best". As a mother I feel proud when I can sit at a play and watch my daughter sing, I feel proud when I know every teacher and they know me, I feel proud when I see them wake up, I feel proud when I see the people they are becoming, and I feel proud to be their mother. Granted, parents learn lessons every day and there will be situations that take place that prevent us from doing all we can but there is always something you can do to remain relevant in your children's lives and contribute to their happiness.
CandyNote: In the battle of Contentment vs. Convincing, contentment will always win because no matter how much you talk people won't change if they are comfortable with their situation.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friends First
Good Morning Blogfam!
There are so many possible factors to take into consideration when deciding what's important to you when it comes to your relationship. A few of the common factors are love, respect, honesty, loyalty, and the list goes on and on. I have come to realize that the most important factor to take into consideration is "Do I like this person?" and "Is this person my FRIEND?" In order for a relationship to be successful, its extremely important that the person is your friend first and i'll tell you why.
A major part of being a friend is having love, respect, honesty, and loyalty towards that person that you classify as such. If you don't consider your partner your friend, than what else could they possibly be? Associate? This is very possibly but the only thing about associates is anybody can be one and there is usually no solid connection to that person. If a successful relationship is what you're looking for then make sure that person is your friend first. Friends tend to stay in your life when everyone else runs out, friends have your back through thick and thin, and friends will give it to you straight where it comes from a place of love and compassion. All of those things are important when you're in a relationship because you want to know that you can trust the person you're with to be there through anything.
Relationships aren't easy and they definitely require a great deal of patience, understanding, and dedication. It seems to be a lot of people who aren't willing to contribute their fair share to their relationship and then are confused when things don't work out for the best.
CandyNote: Friendship is a special kind of love that serves as the catapult and foundation for all the other kind of love that exists.
There are so many possible factors to take into consideration when deciding what's important to you when it comes to your relationship. A few of the common factors are love, respect, honesty, loyalty, and the list goes on and on. I have come to realize that the most important factor to take into consideration is "Do I like this person?" and "Is this person my FRIEND?" In order for a relationship to be successful, its extremely important that the person is your friend first and i'll tell you why.
A major part of being a friend is having love, respect, honesty, and loyalty towards that person that you classify as such. If you don't consider your partner your friend, than what else could they possibly be? Associate? This is very possibly but the only thing about associates is anybody can be one and there is usually no solid connection to that person. If a successful relationship is what you're looking for then make sure that person is your friend first. Friends tend to stay in your life when everyone else runs out, friends have your back through thick and thin, and friends will give it to you straight where it comes from a place of love and compassion. All of those things are important when you're in a relationship because you want to know that you can trust the person you're with to be there through anything.
Relationships aren't easy and they definitely require a great deal of patience, understanding, and dedication. It seems to be a lot of people who aren't willing to contribute their fair share to their relationship and then are confused when things don't work out for the best.
CandyNote: Friendship is a special kind of love that serves as the catapult and foundation for all the other kind of love that exists.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Love Is....
Good Afternoon Blogfam!
For most of us there has been a time or two in life that a relationship ended and it felt like the end of the world. I have realized that there are ways to prevent that from happening. To protect yourself from being devastated over the end of a relationship STOP giving one person your ALL! You have to retain some for yourself because you will need it to get through later. In a good situation you won't have to GIVE your all because will be FELT and RECEIVED. If you find yourself trying to hard to prove your love and affection than that could mean that the person you're with doesn't have the ability to recognize what you have to offer.
You know...I believe that people make relationships harder than they have to be. While I realize that relationships are extremely hard work, especially if you are genuinely committed, you also shouldn't find yourself working extremely hard to PROVE your love to someone. Love normally comes pretty easy when it's real. I have been on both sides of that fence which is why I can speak on this. I've had a relationship where love, affection, and understanding was effortless and at the end of the day none of those were the reasons why it came to an end. Moreover, when it did come to an end it didn't really hurt, it was just something that needed to happen. In contrast, my other relationship where I found myself constantly being put in a position to PROVE to him that I loved him and how much, it was draining. I said to myself many times: What more could I possibly do to make him understand that the way I feel is real? Going through all of that eventually made me question myself on whether or not I really did love this person. I started feeling like if he doesn't feel it than either he doesn't have the ability to accept it or maybe I just really don't love him and that's why he doesn't feel anything. Regardless of whether I loved him or not, I put my ALL into proving to him that I did and when it came to an end it was really hard on me because I didn't have anything left inside to get through it.
CandyNote:
For most of us there has been a time or two in life that a relationship ended and it felt like the end of the world. I have realized that there are ways to prevent that from happening. To protect yourself from being devastated over the end of a relationship STOP giving one person your ALL! You have to retain some for yourself because you will need it to get through later. In a good situation you won't have to GIVE your all because will be FELT and RECEIVED. If you find yourself trying to hard to prove your love and affection than that could mean that the person you're with doesn't have the ability to recognize what you have to offer.
You know...I believe that people make relationships harder than they have to be. While I realize that relationships are extremely hard work, especially if you are genuinely committed, you also shouldn't find yourself working extremely hard to PROVE your love to someone. Love normally comes pretty easy when it's real. I have been on both sides of that fence which is why I can speak on this. I've had a relationship where love, affection, and understanding was effortless and at the end of the day none of those were the reasons why it came to an end. Moreover, when it did come to an end it didn't really hurt, it was just something that needed to happen. In contrast, my other relationship where I found myself constantly being put in a position to PROVE to him that I loved him and how much, it was draining. I said to myself many times: What more could I possibly do to make him understand that the way I feel is real? Going through all of that eventually made me question myself on whether or not I really did love this person. I started feeling like if he doesn't feel it than either he doesn't have the ability to accept it or maybe I just really don't love him and that's why he doesn't feel anything. Regardless of whether I loved him or not, I put my ALL into proving to him that I did and when it came to an end it was really hard on me because I didn't have anything left inside to get through it.
CandyNote:
Monday, October 17, 2011
Choices..It's Up to You!
Good Morning Blogfam!
There are many factors to take into consideration when determining where you might end up in life. To name a few: childhood, education, dreams, etc. However, what I have discovered is where you will end up with rests solely on your choices. We are all given the power of choice at a very young age. I've witnessed people who grew up in less fortunate households become great people with great things going for them. Just as I have seen the flip side of that with people who grew up in well-to-do households and turned out to be losers. When you're young you can dream as much as you want and picture the future that you wish to have. Eventually you will get to an age where you will realize that in order for those dreams to become a reality, you have to start working towards it and trust me...it's hard work!
I made choices at a young age to stop dreaming so my reality became the total opposite of what my dreams used to be. I made a choice to become an adult when I should have been a child and I made a choice to have a child when I was still a child. Although I made those choices, it didn't stop me from choosing not to be a non-contributing person in this tough world. Some of my not-so-great choices produced phenomenal results so nothing has to be completely bad forever.
I'm sure we have all gotten a bit frustrated with with people who continuously make bad decisions. However, you just have to realize that you don't have to live their life and it's quite possible that some people don't have dreams and aspirations for the future. Seems like the ones who make an excessive amount of bad decisions are the ones who live life on a day to day basis vs living today for what's to come tomorrow.
CandyNote: Life will provide you with what you need but to get what you want you have to work hard for it!
There are many factors to take into consideration when determining where you might end up in life. To name a few: childhood, education, dreams, etc. However, what I have discovered is where you will end up with rests solely on your choices. We are all given the power of choice at a very young age. I've witnessed people who grew up in less fortunate households become great people with great things going for them. Just as I have seen the flip side of that with people who grew up in well-to-do households and turned out to be losers. When you're young you can dream as much as you want and picture the future that you wish to have. Eventually you will get to an age where you will realize that in order for those dreams to become a reality, you have to start working towards it and trust me...it's hard work!
I made choices at a young age to stop dreaming so my reality became the total opposite of what my dreams used to be. I made a choice to become an adult when I should have been a child and I made a choice to have a child when I was still a child. Although I made those choices, it didn't stop me from choosing not to be a non-contributing person in this tough world. Some of my not-so-great choices produced phenomenal results so nothing has to be completely bad forever.
I'm sure we have all gotten a bit frustrated with with people who continuously make bad decisions. However, you just have to realize that you don't have to live their life and it's quite possible that some people don't have dreams and aspirations for the future. Seems like the ones who make an excessive amount of bad decisions are the ones who live life on a day to day basis vs living today for what's to come tomorrow.
CandyNote: Life will provide you with what you need but to get what you want you have to work hard for it!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Don't Deny...Just Accept
Good Morning Blogfam!
Denial is such an ugly word! It's that word that prevents people from being in touch with who they are and where they're at in life. It's that word that forces people to believe that what is isn't. It's that word that makes people believe that what can't be will be. I say it's an ugly word because it allows people to live based on false realities just so they can make themselves feel good.
There are many levels to denial; you have people who don't want to hear anything REAL that others have to say because they have convinced themselves that their way is the only way. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up on us and biting us in the ass. I get it! Everyone won't always be ready but let's face it, the most defining moments in life happen when you're not expecting it. However, being in denial about situations will not negate the fact that they are taking place. Which is why the sooner you realize what's real and accept it, the sooner you can embrace it if you love it or change it if you don't.
Living in denial is the equivalent of living in a constant fantasy but you have to realize that one day you will have to wake up. You have to be accountable for your circumstances because you have control of your present which ultimately will lead to your future. If you're so adamant about what you want that you're willing to be in denial to satisfy that, than you should try to find the strength to be honest with yourself to make that reality come true.
CandyNote: Don't deny your reality to affirm your fantasy.
Denial is such an ugly word! It's that word that prevents people from being in touch with who they are and where they're at in life. It's that word that forces people to believe that what is isn't. It's that word that makes people believe that what can't be will be. I say it's an ugly word because it allows people to live based on false realities just so they can make themselves feel good.
There are many levels to denial; you have people who don't want to hear anything REAL that others have to say because they have convinced themselves that their way is the only way. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up on us and biting us in the ass. I get it! Everyone won't always be ready but let's face it, the most defining moments in life happen when you're not expecting it. However, being in denial about situations will not negate the fact that they are taking place. Which is why the sooner you realize what's real and accept it, the sooner you can embrace it if you love it or change it if you don't.
Living in denial is the equivalent of living in a constant fantasy but you have to realize that one day you will have to wake up. You have to be accountable for your circumstances because you have control of your present which ultimately will lead to your future. If you're so adamant about what you want that you're willing to be in denial to satisfy that, than you should try to find the strength to be honest with yourself to make that reality come true.
CandyNote: Don't deny your reality to affirm your fantasy.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
You Don't Like? Change It!
Good Morning Blogfam!
It seems that one of the hardest things for some people to do is realize that change is occurring, accept it as such, or initiate it. I have known many people (myself included) who were in unhealthy relationships but found it extremely difficult to leave. Consequently what ends up happening is they find themselves semi-functioning in a dysfunctional relationship. I've been in a situation before where I felt like I didn't have the strength, courage, or will to leave and at that time I couldn't really figure out why. One thing I know for sure is when you're in a bad situation you will make all kinds of excuses to validate why you make certain decisions. To name a few: I love him/her, I can't survive on my own, it will get better, etc. In hindsight, the only real reason I could come up with is that I became mentally unstable due to the instability of the situation overpowering any possibility of my common sense or self-worth.
I say common sense because deciding whether or not to stay in an unhealthy situation should be a no-brainer, right? Well it's not always that simple because your thought process changes right along with the situation. Some people are so hopeful for a particular outcome that they will convince themselves that the longer they stay and the more they give will eventually satisfy their expectations. This is when the mental instability begins because chances are you aren't really seeing the situation for what it is, you're seeing it for what you hope for it to be.
I feel that people give relationships and the people in them more power than they really should have. If you find that you're arguing more than you're hugging and kissing, you're apart more than you're together, or you just don't have any substance to your conversations than it's probably time to make some changes. I've known many people who knew a person was unhappy with them but chose to place the ball in their court and say "why won't he/she just leave if they're so unhappy." Here's my issue with that statement: If you know a person is unhappy with you than CHANGE it for yourself. Why give a person that much power to hurt you and leave you? That's like a double whammy especially since at the end of the day you are the one who is left there unhappy and alone.
CandyNote:
It seems that one of the hardest things for some people to do is realize that change is occurring, accept it as such, or initiate it. I have known many people (myself included) who were in unhealthy relationships but found it extremely difficult to leave. Consequently what ends up happening is they find themselves semi-functioning in a dysfunctional relationship. I've been in a situation before where I felt like I didn't have the strength, courage, or will to leave and at that time I couldn't really figure out why. One thing I know for sure is when you're in a bad situation you will make all kinds of excuses to validate why you make certain decisions. To name a few: I love him/her, I can't survive on my own, it will get better, etc. In hindsight, the only real reason I could come up with is that I became mentally unstable due to the instability of the situation overpowering any possibility of my common sense or self-worth.
I say common sense because deciding whether or not to stay in an unhealthy situation should be a no-brainer, right? Well it's not always that simple because your thought process changes right along with the situation. Some people are so hopeful for a particular outcome that they will convince themselves that the longer they stay and the more they give will eventually satisfy their expectations. This is when the mental instability begins because chances are you aren't really seeing the situation for what it is, you're seeing it for what you hope for it to be.
I feel that people give relationships and the people in them more power than they really should have. If you find that you're arguing more than you're hugging and kissing, you're apart more than you're together, or you just don't have any substance to your conversations than it's probably time to make some changes. I've known many people who knew a person was unhappy with them but chose to place the ball in their court and say "why won't he/she just leave if they're so unhappy." Here's my issue with that statement: If you know a person is unhappy with you than CHANGE it for yourself. Why give a person that much power to hurt you and leave you? That's like a double whammy especially since at the end of the day you are the one who is left there unhappy and alone.
CandyNote:
Friday, September 2, 2011
Something New from Something Blue
Good Morning Blogfam!
Relationships have the potential to be the best thing you've ever experienced or the worst time of your entire life. I've found that how much you give a relationship is how much you will get in return. It seems like in bad relationships there is always one person of the two who is giving it everything they have and having everything sucked out of them in return. Remaining in a bad relationship when you know you deserve better is not what drives people insane; coping with the mental anguish that comes with that is what makes people crazy. Eventually you get to a point where all you know in life is this situation that has completely consumed every part of you and you really can't picture life without the dysfunctionality.
I am sure majority of us have endured our share of not-so-great relationships. Being in them is not the hard part for a lot of people; leaving them and trying to figure out how to move forward seems to be a major struggle. I was talking to a friend of mines and this is the bit of advice I gave her: Change will always present a certain level of discomfort whether it be a change for good or bad. You can't expect for a situation to change but everything in your life to remain the same. Things are going to change and it's going to take some re-adjusting but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. On a personal level, when I finally moved on from a bad situation I was nearly stripped of everything; at the time it seemed like the worse situation that I could ever be in but in hindsight I was able to see that that needed to happen because it was the beginning to my fresh start.
CandyNote: If things get a little old and spoiled, there is always something fresh and brand new lying in wait. Don't be afraid to take the necessary steps to get it.
Relationships have the potential to be the best thing you've ever experienced or the worst time of your entire life. I've found that how much you give a relationship is how much you will get in return. It seems like in bad relationships there is always one person of the two who is giving it everything they have and having everything sucked out of them in return. Remaining in a bad relationship when you know you deserve better is not what drives people insane; coping with the mental anguish that comes with that is what makes people crazy. Eventually you get to a point where all you know in life is this situation that has completely consumed every part of you and you really can't picture life without the dysfunctionality.
I am sure majority of us have endured our share of not-so-great relationships. Being in them is not the hard part for a lot of people; leaving them and trying to figure out how to move forward seems to be a major struggle. I was talking to a friend of mines and this is the bit of advice I gave her: Change will always present a certain level of discomfort whether it be a change for good or bad. You can't expect for a situation to change but everything in your life to remain the same. Things are going to change and it's going to take some re-adjusting but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. On a personal level, when I finally moved on from a bad situation I was nearly stripped of everything; at the time it seemed like the worse situation that I could ever be in but in hindsight I was able to see that that needed to happen because it was the beginning to my fresh start.
CandyNote: If things get a little old and spoiled, there is always something fresh and brand new lying in wait. Don't be afraid to take the necessary steps to get it.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Revelations Reveal!
Hey Blogfam!!
There will be times when things are revealed to you for a specific purpose. Maybe things were being said that shouldn't have, maybe someone is doing something that they shouldn't be doing, or maybe you met someone's "representative" and now the real them is coming out. Now don't get me wrong; i'm not saying that revelations have to be all bad. In contrast, it's quite possible that the person you think you are isn't who you're supposed to be and someone comes in your life to show you a different way.
It's important to recognize those little blessings (as I like to call them) because they have the ability to clarify things for us that may not have been so clear otherwise. Being stubborn can prevent people from seeing certain things for what they are which is why I try to keep an open mind. I am sure we all have our stubborn moments from time to time but if you get to a point where you feel like it's your way or no way than you won't have the ability to see things for what they are, even if it is right in front of your face. I've been there and done that! There have been times when I felt like the way I was doing things was the right way and there wasn't any other way and then something always happened to show me a different way. I'm not saying that different way was always the right way but my stubbornness had a tendency to prevent me from being open to the possibility of seeing the potential in the situation.
I am so thankful that I have grown and realized that everything won't always be clear so it's possible that some good information or revelations could be delivered through indirect methods. This is why I try not to discount any experiences because everything we go through helps us increase our level of strength and wisdom.
CandyNote: Many people see the signs but only wise know which pieces of those signs they could benefit from.
There will be times when things are revealed to you for a specific purpose. Maybe things were being said that shouldn't have, maybe someone is doing something that they shouldn't be doing, or maybe you met someone's "representative" and now the real them is coming out. Now don't get me wrong; i'm not saying that revelations have to be all bad. In contrast, it's quite possible that the person you think you are isn't who you're supposed to be and someone comes in your life to show you a different way.
It's important to recognize those little blessings (as I like to call them) because they have the ability to clarify things for us that may not have been so clear otherwise. Being stubborn can prevent people from seeing certain things for what they are which is why I try to keep an open mind. I am sure we all have our stubborn moments from time to time but if you get to a point where you feel like it's your way or no way than you won't have the ability to see things for what they are, even if it is right in front of your face. I've been there and done that! There have been times when I felt like the way I was doing things was the right way and there wasn't any other way and then something always happened to show me a different way. I'm not saying that different way was always the right way but my stubbornness had a tendency to prevent me from being open to the possibility of seeing the potential in the situation.
I am so thankful that I have grown and realized that everything won't always be clear so it's possible that some good information or revelations could be delivered through indirect methods. This is why I try not to discount any experiences because everything we go through helps us increase our level of strength and wisdom.
CandyNote: Many people see the signs but only wise know which pieces of those signs they could benefit from.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Initial Evaluation Limits Compromise
Good Morning Blogfam!
When entering into a relationship with someone it is important to evaluate their current position and overall goals in life to ensure that they align with yours. The future outcome of the relationship is not normally the initial thought when meeting someone, however if things work out for the best several key items will have to be taken into consideration. When meeting someone it is very likely that you would initially be drawn to their physical and character traits. However, there are many people who ignore the drive, stability, and past behavior of a person until its too late. I say too late because many flaws are not recognized until a person is already "head over heels", which then it makes it more difficult to just walk away from the relationship.
It is extremely important to embrace someone with their flaws and all, however it is also important to be sure that the flaws can be reformed or that you have the ability to accept them, whether it be temporarily or permanently. It's possible that what may be considered a flaw to you is a way of life for the next person. If this is the case, that means unless a person is willing to compromise parts of their being to make you happy then the relationship has the potential to fail. If you find that you can't be happy with the person you met then maybe they just aren't the one for you. If you know what you want and you know a person doesn't meet those requirements then don't waste their time or yours because eventually it will present a problem. Some things are more serious than others but for the most part people know what they truly desire.
Personally, I believe that when you're younger it's acceptable behavior to be attracted to someone for whatever reason you see fit. As it's likely that you aren't necessarily looking to spend the rest of your life with this person so it's okay to have a good time. However, when you reach a certain age you have to pay especially close attention to a persons ability to provide on various levels. On a personal level, I know that I want a man who can stimulate my mental, be successful in whatever he does, be an amazing father figure, have the ability to communicate with all type of people, and support me in all that I do! I will not compromise those things. So I suggest that you evaluate your standards and have a clear idea of what you are or aren't willing to compromise, it will prevent the headache later on.
CandyNote: "When you compromise your standards you are potentially jeopardizing your level of happiness. Be fair and wise when making decisions that will affect your livelihood."
When entering into a relationship with someone it is important to evaluate their current position and overall goals in life to ensure that they align with yours. The future outcome of the relationship is not normally the initial thought when meeting someone, however if things work out for the best several key items will have to be taken into consideration. When meeting someone it is very likely that you would initially be drawn to their physical and character traits. However, there are many people who ignore the drive, stability, and past behavior of a person until its too late. I say too late because many flaws are not recognized until a person is already "head over heels", which then it makes it more difficult to just walk away from the relationship.
It is extremely important to embrace someone with their flaws and all, however it is also important to be sure that the flaws can be reformed or that you have the ability to accept them, whether it be temporarily or permanently. It's possible that what may be considered a flaw to you is a way of life for the next person. If this is the case, that means unless a person is willing to compromise parts of their being to make you happy then the relationship has the potential to fail. If you find that you can't be happy with the person you met then maybe they just aren't the one for you. If you know what you want and you know a person doesn't meet those requirements then don't waste their time or yours because eventually it will present a problem. Some things are more serious than others but for the most part people know what they truly desire.
Personally, I believe that when you're younger it's acceptable behavior to be attracted to someone for whatever reason you see fit. As it's likely that you aren't necessarily looking to spend the rest of your life with this person so it's okay to have a good time. However, when you reach a certain age you have to pay especially close attention to a persons ability to provide on various levels. On a personal level, I know that I want a man who can stimulate my mental, be successful in whatever he does, be an amazing father figure, have the ability to communicate with all type of people, and support me in all that I do! I will not compromise those things. So I suggest that you evaluate your standards and have a clear idea of what you are or aren't willing to compromise, it will prevent the headache later on.
CandyNote: "When you compromise your standards you are potentially jeopardizing your level of happiness. Be fair and wise when making decisions that will affect your livelihood."
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Right in Front of Your Face
Hey Hey Blogfam!!!
I want to stress how extremely important is is to be fully aware of the personality, maturity and sincerity of people that you choose to involve yourself with. If you notice early on in a relationship that someone has a tendency to be dishonest, immature, or secretive, then you can rest assure that it will get worse later on and they have things to hide for a very good reason. So many people choose to ignore the important signs and then they wait until its too late to get out without their feelings being hurt. However, you can't really blame the other person for your pain when they showed you, whether it be directly or discreetly, that they were capable of whatever they may have done to cause you to reach your breaking point.
Everything won't always be plain and simple so some things you have to figure out by analyzing the situation and behavior of the parties involved. If you meet someone and certain things don't add up it's probably because some of what they are telling you isn't true. That's when you have to decide if you want to wait for the lies to become truths, or do you want to just get out now and move on to someone who isn't going to present those same doubts. We all know that relationships aren't perfect but they also don't have to be stressful or questionable. One thing I have realized is when someone respects you and the relationship they have with you, they won't do anything to intentionally deceive you. Normally, when there is a motive involved and the relationship isn't just based on a genuine liking for one another, that's when you will be more prone to dishonesty and drama. Therefore, if someone has specific motive in mind for why they want to have a relationship with you, they will have no interest in showing you the utmost respect because their main concern is themselves and what their trying to gain.
Quote for the Day: "Don't ignore what you know is real for what you want to feel."
I want to stress how extremely important is is to be fully aware of the personality, maturity and sincerity of people that you choose to involve yourself with. If you notice early on in a relationship that someone has a tendency to be dishonest, immature, or secretive, then you can rest assure that it will get worse later on and they have things to hide for a very good reason. So many people choose to ignore the important signs and then they wait until its too late to get out without their feelings being hurt. However, you can't really blame the other person for your pain when they showed you, whether it be directly or discreetly, that they were capable of whatever they may have done to cause you to reach your breaking point.
Everything won't always be plain and simple so some things you have to figure out by analyzing the situation and behavior of the parties involved. If you meet someone and certain things don't add up it's probably because some of what they are telling you isn't true. That's when you have to decide if you want to wait for the lies to become truths, or do you want to just get out now and move on to someone who isn't going to present those same doubts. We all know that relationships aren't perfect but they also don't have to be stressful or questionable. One thing I have realized is when someone respects you and the relationship they have with you, they won't do anything to intentionally deceive you. Normally, when there is a motive involved and the relationship isn't just based on a genuine liking for one another, that's when you will be more prone to dishonesty and drama. Therefore, if someone has specific motive in mind for why they want to have a relationship with you, they will have no interest in showing you the utmost respect because their main concern is themselves and what their trying to gain.
Quote for the Day: "Don't ignore what you know is real for what you want to feel."
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Mental Strength is Essential
Good Morning Blogfam!
Strength is an important part of a healthy existence. I am not referring to physical strength, I am speaking more so about mental and emotional strength. When you possess a strong mentality it enables you to deal with certain situations with an open mind and clear view. You won't be easily persuaded into forcing yourself to believe in false realities. However, on the flip side you also have to be strong enough to know when you realities are true. It's natural to endure mental struggles from time to time but the strength comes in when you overcome them and accept situations for what they are.
I've had my share of mental and emotional battles and I won't even try to pretend that I handled them all with strength and poise. However, one day I had an awakening and that is when I realized that everything I was going through was self-inflicted because I didn't have the mental capacity to accept things for what they were instead of what I wanted them to be. When you already have an idea of how you want things to go and you aren't willing to compromise, when the time comes you won't have the ability to accept reality. It took me a while to realize that what I want won't always be what I will get but as long as I have the ability to see the good in what I do get, I will be a much stronger person.
CandyNote: You can have all the muscles in the world and be extremely weak.
Strength is an important part of a healthy existence. I am not referring to physical strength, I am speaking more so about mental and emotional strength. When you possess a strong mentality it enables you to deal with certain situations with an open mind and clear view. You won't be easily persuaded into forcing yourself to believe in false realities. However, on the flip side you also have to be strong enough to know when you realities are true. It's natural to endure mental struggles from time to time but the strength comes in when you overcome them and accept situations for what they are.
I've had my share of mental and emotional battles and I won't even try to pretend that I handled them all with strength and poise. However, one day I had an awakening and that is when I realized that everything I was going through was self-inflicted because I didn't have the mental capacity to accept things for what they were instead of what I wanted them to be. When you already have an idea of how you want things to go and you aren't willing to compromise, when the time comes you won't have the ability to accept reality. It took me a while to realize that what I want won't always be what I will get but as long as I have the ability to see the good in what I do get, I will be a much stronger person.
CandyNote: You can have all the muscles in the world and be extremely weak.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Love your NOW!
Good Morning Blogfam!
I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday and they were able to give me a different perspective on having expectations of the future. I tend to be one who constantly tries to pull out my crystal ball and see ahead of time what the future has in store or how I foresee it turning out. It seems as if I like to prepare myself for what may possibly happen so I can already have a head start on controlling my emotions. However, looking at things in hindsight just made me realize that when it's all said and done the pain doesn't hurt any less and the joy doesn't excite me anymore. So I was brought to realize that I could be so focused on what's to come in the future that I can't allow myself to fully embrace and appreciate the present.
A very important thing to realize is that things won't always turn out the way you want them to and that's okay. When you constantly try to shape life the way you think it should be you might be interrupting what is supposed to happen and your feelings toward it. I rarely ever had the ability to go with the flow and let things happen naturally because I was so focused on having control of something that I had no control over. Life is given to us minute by minute and day by day so it's wise to appreciate the right now because later is not guaranteed. I appreciate the conversations I have that allow me to see things differently because I believe that one way of thinking shuts you out from the other endless points, possibilities, and perspectives that exist.
CandyNote: Don't miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what's to come.
I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday and they were able to give me a different perspective on having expectations of the future. I tend to be one who constantly tries to pull out my crystal ball and see ahead of time what the future has in store or how I foresee it turning out. It seems as if I like to prepare myself for what may possibly happen so I can already have a head start on controlling my emotions. However, looking at things in hindsight just made me realize that when it's all said and done the pain doesn't hurt any less and the joy doesn't excite me anymore. So I was brought to realize that I could be so focused on what's to come in the future that I can't allow myself to fully embrace and appreciate the present.
A very important thing to realize is that things won't always turn out the way you want them to and that's okay. When you constantly try to shape life the way you think it should be you might be interrupting what is supposed to happen and your feelings toward it. I rarely ever had the ability to go with the flow and let things happen naturally because I was so focused on having control of something that I had no control over. Life is given to us minute by minute and day by day so it's wise to appreciate the right now because later is not guaranteed. I appreciate the conversations I have that allow me to see things differently because I believe that one way of thinking shuts you out from the other endless points, possibilities, and perspectives that exist.
CandyNote: Don't miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what's to come.
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